I was struggling a little on the weekend. There was nothing major, just a few things colliding Bermuda Triangle-style making me edgy and irritable. The ongoing unemployment thing is obviously ever-present… as it’s almost a year since I finished my contract. Interestingly a similar position has come up with the same government agency but my confidence isn’t quite what it was, and I continue to ponder on how I was perceived.
Completely irrelevant backstory: I developed an irrational hatred of men (anyone, but mostly men) with clefts in their chins because when I was at University (living at a residential college) a guy – who was perfectly nice to me – made a comment that has stayed with me. It was during a game of netball and I was an okay player so I’m assuming he was just trying to be funny when he said…. “We’ve made her better, stronger, fatter than she’s ever been before….”
Last year I had weight loss surgery. I’ve talked about it briefly here and there and I temporarily opened a separate Instagram account so I could share stuff and follow similar accounts. But – before starting I knew that account would be short lived. I know myself pretty well you see and knew that it would take over my life if I let it. And I did not want my life to be about my weight loss surgery, as it had been (perhaps still is) about food and weight and so forth. (Indeed, I eventually ditched my Diet Schmiet blog for that exact reason!)
I DID NOT WANT IT TO DEFINE ME.
I listened to Kelly and Brooke’s ‘slow realisations’ Let it Be podcast when I went for a walk last Saturday. The subject came up, they said, because someone in their Facebook group had mentioned their ‘a-ha’ moment came after years of therapy and journalling and wondered if there was some way of fast-tracking these lightbulb moments.
I’ve talked a little about the surgery I had four months ago. I’m pretty sure I also recall complaining about the surgery prep, which required me to cut out carbohydrates and stick to protein for a couple of weeks in advance.
It was recommended two meals each day comprise a protein shake. The dietician I was seeing suggested two different brands. One of those was not gluten-free. But fortunately the other – Isowhey – was, and it was one I was familiar with from the free-trial I participated in almost four years before.
If you’ve got a really good memory, or – (understandably) commit my posts and every-thought to memory – you will recall I joined a gym a few months ago.
Finally.
I mentioned the other day that – for various reasons – I’m trying to do something about my weight. Again. I feel unfit and comfortable and… well, it’s time.
So naturally it occurred to me that I needed to take my ‘before’ photo.
