I’ve been a misery guts for a while. Although, having said that, this could (in fact) be who I am now as I think it’s gone on for a few years… but I mean (even) more (so) of late.
I injured my back over two months ago and it wasn’t until this past week that I could get out of bed without levering myself in some weird slingshot type way lest I keel over in pain.
And then, I got an ear infection. Given I recently had my first cold sore in years I’d say it’s a reminder that my immune system is a tad fucked.
In May this year The New York Times explained that the melancholy, the malaise, the lack of vive la joie we’ve been experiencing was called languishing.
The paper referenced was published long before COVID became a thing and I certainly languished in the past but the article shares research explaining how many feel in this post-pandemic world. It also gives us a word to drop into conversations and blog posts. Languishing is – apparently – ‘the void between depression and flourishing’. The article also offers other descriptions, including ‘a sense of stagnation and emptiness’.
I feel like the past few years have been marred by constant disappointment. I never allow myself to be optimistic. I prefer to prepare myself for the worst and yet, when it appears (as expected), I’m deflated.
And it keeps happening again and again. Missed job or professional opportunities. Injuries and health setbacks. People.
I’m trying to do more ‘personal blogging’ though not yet succeeding. Predominantly I want to just write more and focus less on book reviews, which often feel as if they’re a chore rather than something I enjoy.
Denyse Whelan’s weekly link-up had the theme of ‘self-care stories’ this week. I think self-care is very individual and I’ve talked before about what I think it is and what it often means.
I know I’m prone to overthinking and pondering things that really require no deliberation. Perhaps it’s a consequence of living alone my entire adult life. Until social media presented itself I had no outlet for my thoughts or commentaries. In the absence of someone next to me to whom I can make witty observations or share snarky repartee I either post it on Twitter or Facebook, or allow the thought to marinate endlessly in my mind.
So, today I bring you some controversial thoughts that have been bubbling around my head of late. And yes, I know with the current Middle East crisis and bloody Covid there are more important matters needing attention. However…
I signed up for the Australian Writers Centre May Mojo Month. Ironically it’s all about reigniting our creative juices and getting our mojo back and yet I ended the first week with only five of the nine days of activities done. Mojo schmojo apparently.
It’s day ten and I’m now catching up on what I’ve missed. I blame a uni assignment, a few hours of paid work, some book reviews and much procrastination. Anyhoo…
I actually paused on day three first time around* because I really liked a point made about creating habits and I needed to ponder it more. Regular readers may realise I believe stuff will only be absorbed into my psyche if I overthink about it. A lot.
An old post popped up on my Facebook feed this morning. And it surprised me. I’ve been such a misery guts for the past year I’ve forgotten I was sometimes happy and pleasant to be around.
In 2016 I was catching up with someone I’d seen a day or two before I left my old life in Brisbane – one resplendent with money, respect, a sense of purpose and lots of stress – for my seachange. Her visit had me pondering the difference between my old life and new life. And apparently I decided I was a million times happier.
I’ve been extremely slack on the personal blogging front of late. I’ve even struggled to get book reviews done and several have wallowed in my website drafts folder for far longer than usual.
My thoughts are weighty at the moment and it’s been easier to keep them firmly locked inside my mind. It’s probably not healthy but I’ve rehashed the good ol’ life purpose / meaning of life / direction I want my life to take thing again and again here, so will save you from that angst. Instead I’ll do a light check-in post… just to get my out of my blogging slump.
