• Shame versus guilt

    Thursday, November 26, 2020 Permalink

    Like many I’ve seen Brene Brown’s famous TED talk, watched her Netflix documentary and read a million other things about her shame research.

    Despite this I’ve only just realised I’ve been misconstruing what she means by shame.

    When I’ve thought of shame I’ve thought of BEING ASHAMED. Not being shamed by others, but feeling that way ourselves, akin to embarrassment. And I’ve not really thought it applied to me. However, I now recognise when I talk about feeling guilty – by her definition, I’m actually talking about feeling shame.

    Continue Reading…

  • Post hoc fallacy – exercise, fitness and ageing

    Monday, November 16, 2020 Permalink

    I was going to call this Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc but the title I’ve used is an abbreviation of that. Apparently. It’s a phrase I only know from watching The West Wing. I don’t think it’s actually the right phrase for what I’m trying to say here, but the only other one I can think of is something from the lessons we had at school when computers were first being introduced in the mid 1980s… IF <something> THEN <something else>. Clear as mud?

    Which doesn’t bring me to my point which is actually about exercise, fitness and ageing.

    I started going to over-50s exercise classes a couple of months ago. My main motivating factor was that they were being held IN MY SUBURB…. or at least the neighbouring one. Small group, low impact, inexpensive. So, perfect.

    Continue Reading…

  • An independent woman

    Thursday, November 12, 2020 Permalink

    Something’s turned lately. I’m not sure what it is but I’ve started second-guessing decisions I’ve made and thinking about my future. Perhaps my mother’s fears about my unemployment and financial situation have rubbed off on me. Or maybe I’ve been overthinking again: should I be pursuing a career and focusing on financial security; or just paying my bills and enjoying life?

    I’ve actually started writing something about that. Unsurprisingly it’s “WTF have I done with my life?” themed. And a reminder I need to stop going on LinkedIn because former colleagues and those who worked for me are doing great things…. while I remain unemployed. And perhaps unemployable.

    However… I had a conversation with my bestie yesterday and was reminded that, though I might have been in some sort of (contented) limbo these past eight years, from the outside looking in, my life looks pretty good. And I realise this sounds arrogant, but—fuck it—I EARNED IT! I didn’t inherit it, I wasn’t handed it. I did it all. Alone!*

    Continue Reading…

  • Life after Covid

    Monday, November 9, 2020 Permalink

    We’ve been really fortunate here in Australia in terms of the impact of the Coronavirus. I’d suggest—in addition to our physical wellbeing—we’ve even not fared badly in terms of the emotional and financial impact… compared to other countries. When one of our southern states’ numbers peaked several months ago they went into a hard lockdown. It received a lot of criticism and it’s still debated if it was in place too long, but that aside… they got their numbers under control.

    Similarly other states are only reporting overseas-acquired cases. All picked up in compulsory hotel quarantine before overseas arrivals are let loose into the wild.

    Of course it doesn’t mean we won’t see a second or third wave, and perhaps I’m jinxing things with this post, but talk here is increasingly turning to a vaccine.

    Continue Reading…

  • When the world is going to shit

    Wednesday, November 4, 2020 Permalink

    I hate Donald Trump. I hate his whole smug family. I hate their arrogance and their hypocrisy. I’ve been watching their name-calling and accusations from afar and gobsmacked that they’ve been castigating their opponents when they overtly do far worse things. And by that I mean… work for their father when they’re not qualified and financially gain from doing so.

    But there’s no point in me bitching about it. Far more learned and famous voices than I have talked about Trump and his inability to provide tax returns, about his bankruptcies and debts. And about the money his hotels and kids’ businesses have made from his presidency.

    Continue Reading…

  • October 2020 done and dusted

    Thursday, October 29, 2020 Permalink

    I had great plans to blog more regularly. To write more personal posts here, rather than just book reviews. But it feels everything I contemplate is emotionally treacherous and would require a lot self-reflection. Added to that, most would be for my benefit… cos I need to get stuff out of my head or ponder it more and I’m not sure that would offer entertaining reading.

    Continue Reading…

  • Cranky old woman

    Thursday, October 22, 2020 Permalink

    It’s eight years this week since I left my former life in my state’s capital and made my seachange. I still think it’s the best thing I’ve done but—as I’ve mentioned before—I probably didn’t realise how hard it was going to be to find employment here.

    Without a doubt it’s been the main issue and I’ve only worked full-time for one year during that time, part time / contract for two to three years.

    It’s a bit of a jolt to one’s self-esteem to feel unemployable, despite having a pretty decent CV.

    Continue Reading…

  • A status update

    Monday, October 19, 2020 Permalink

    It’s been a while between non-bookish posts and I hope to get back into more so thought I’d start with a bit of a status update. Anyone following me on social media will know I’ve been struggling with overwhelm these past few months.

    It’s something I feel guilty about when many others have been grappling with far bigger issues. For me it’s been a combination of things.

    Continue Reading…

  • Revisiting my life in Africa

    Friday, September 11, 2020 Permalink

    One of my University subjects requires me to write a personal essay. All three subjects actually require ‘major’ assignments and I keep changing my mind about them. But drafts of two are now due in mere days, so I figure I need to stop friggin’ procrastinating and worrying that I’ve not chosen the perfect topic and just start writing.

    I (eventually) decided my personal essay would be about my time in Africa. Long-time readers of my blog will recall I’ve often pondered the idea of writing some sort of factional account of my 18mths (or so) there in the mid 1990s.

    Continue Reading…