In returning to a more challenging role in government late last year it felt like I was finally find my feet again. Regaining some momentum.
I actually thought everything else – that frustrated me about the life I’d been living – would fall into place… akin to the domino effect. I’d be based in an office (with others) most of the time so would spend less time grazing on snacks all day. I’d be forced to move a little – walking from my car to the office at a minimum and even during a quick break at lunch. I thought eating healthier and moving more might then motivate me to start exercising again.
Both food and exercise are fraught subjects for me having been to extremes with both. Often they go hand in hand… if I’m feeling better about myself – which I think this new job has precipitated – I take care of myself better. I feel more worthy and want the best for me, rather than feeling as if it doesn’t matter how I ravage my body.
I’ve caught up with a few friends recently and everyone notices I seem much happier being back in a more challenging and fulfilling job. And I’m hoping to learn from the past and not go ‘all in’ so there’s nothing else in my life. But the other habits I assumed would fall into place are lagging behind. Even though I feel better about myself (and yes, it’s scary how much of my self-esteem and worth is tied to my work / career) I’m not magically motivated to make changes to be healthier.
Having said that I am starting to feel a little better. I talked late last year about feeling unwell and unhealthy. I launched into 2023 with a cold or flu (or possibly COVID) and then injured my shoulder. It wasn’t until I was away on a work trip last week – the third week of January – that I realised I felt ‘well’. Uninjured. Unencumbered.
A friend reminded me the year is still new. THERE IS STILL TIME. And I was reminded of my all or nothing habit. My black / white thinking that’s led me to some of the extremes I’ve traversed over the past 40+ years.
So, while the domino effect might not yet have kicked in as I’d hoped, I’m reminding myself I’ve already made some small changes and can continue to do so. I don’t have to compare myself to others doing so much more. I don’t even have to compare myself to the person I used to be. That person (for better AND worse) has gone. She’s changed. And is still changing.
How’s your 2023 tracking?