I was struggling a little on the weekend. There was nothing major, just a few things colliding Bermuda Triangle-style making me edgy and irritable. The ongoing unemployment thing is obviously ever-present… as it’s almost a year since I finished my contract. Interestingly a similar position has come up with the same government agency but my confidence isn’t quite what it was, and I continue to ponder on how I was perceived.
Completely irrelevant backstory: I developed an irrational hatred of men (anyone, but mostly men) with clefts in their chins because when I was at University (living at a residential college) a guy – who was perfectly nice to me – made a comment that has stayed with me. It was during a game of netball and I was an okay player so I’m assuming he was just trying to be funny when he said…. “We’ve made her better, stronger, fatter than she’s ever been before….”
Fuckwit.
Last year I had weight loss surgery. I’ve talked about it briefly here and there and I temporarily opened a separate Instagram account so I could share stuff and follow similar accounts. But – before starting I knew that account would be short lived. I know myself pretty well you see and knew that it would take over my life if I let it. And I did not want my life to be about my weight loss surgery, as it had been (perhaps still is) about food and weight and so forth. (Indeed, I eventually ditched my Diet Schmiet blog for that exact reason!)
I DID NOT WANT IT TO DEFINE ME.
I’ve written before about my views on contentment vs happiness. The former, I think, is some sort of internally-generated, semi-permanent state of being, whereas the latter comes and goes.
I’ve been thinking more and more about this for a few reasons lately.
I listened to Kelly and Brooke’s ‘slow realisations’ Let it Be podcast when I went for a walk last Saturday. The subject came up, they said, because someone in their Facebook group had mentioned their ‘a-ha’ moment came after years of therapy and journalling and wondered if there was some way of fast-tracking these lightbulb moments.
I’ve talked a little about the surgery I had four months ago. I’m pretty sure I also recall complaining about the surgery prep, which required me to cut out carbohydrates and stick to protein for a couple of weeks in advance.
It was recommended two meals each day comprise a protein shake. The dietician I was seeing suggested two different brands. One of those was not gluten-free. But fortunately the other – Isowhey – was, and it was one I was familiar with from the free-trial I participated in almost four years before.
I had a conversation with a colleague recently about the latest research into coeliac disease.
“What if they found a cure?” she asked.
Now I know it wouldn’t be like finding a cure for cancer or Alzheimers, but the idea is exciting for we coeliacs nonetheless.
If you’ve got a really good memory, or – (understandably) commit my posts and every-thought to memory – you will recall I joined a gym a few months ago.
Finally.