I’ve not done much writing or book reviewing of late. Obviously I’m still adjusting to the new job and working full-time. Which reminds me… have I even mentioned the new job here I wonder?
Anyhoo, it’s weeks since I’ve written a non-bookish post but I don’t really feel I have anything substantial to say or share here so decided I’d go with a check-in post lest I forget how to ramble on about my life.
It may surprise you to know that even sometimes I eyeroll over my navel-gazing posts. I’ve got several started. One about how I wish I could erase my memory so I’m less prone to compare myself in the present to the past. And yes I know, we’re supposed to become ‘better’ people as we age, although I think I’ve failed big-time there.
There’s another about scarcity and enoughness. Sigh. Another about my internal voice, complementing last week’s post, about the fact I hear everything I think. (And again others are the complete opposite.) And then there’s one about the way we consume stuff and the fact I’ve not ‘pivoted’ (#sorrynotsorry) to podcasts, Facebook / Instagram live, online launch events when others have embraced them.
Yeah… nah. Can’t be arsed pursuing any of those thoughts but wanted to write something so here you have it.
I’ve talked before about the fact I’m not very visual. Thanks to author Emma Visckic I recently discovered this is called aphantasia, which means we don’t ‘see’ what’s referenced when we hear things. So – when I read – I never picture scenes and never ever visualise characters. In fact I’m often disappointed when a character is described as I can’t quite grasp the concept that I should be able to see them.
I assumed this was because I’m an auditory thinker; because I ‘hear’ the words rather than picture what they represent. However….
I feel like I need a break. But from what I wonder?
From unemployment and not-working? From job hunting and the hope and disappointment it offers?
From writing, or rather not-writing? From the expectations I place on myself and guilt I feel when I never ever meet them?
From social media in all of its addictive splendour and soul-destroying disregard? From the desire to know everything about anything to news fatigue and information overload?
Earlier this month it was World Childless Week. Who knew that was even a thing? I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t seen some articles on social media via Australia’s national broadcaster, ABC which published some great pieces supporting the week and sharing people’s stories.
The thing that hit home most for me – in the articles themselves and in the comments that followed – was the very important distinction between being childless vs being childfree.
Once upon a time I was an outdoorsy kinda person. As a kid I played in the yard with my brother and my friends. Growing up in a regional town I ran (and rode) around the streets after school and on weekends. My father in particular was a keen athlete so from a young age he had my brother and I in the yard hitting cricket or tennis balls high into the air for us to catch.
But at some point in the last 20 to 30 years I’ve become an indoors kinda-gal. It’s something I’ve been conscious of for a while but it really hit home earlier this week as I had someone coming by to give me a quote to get some trees trimmed and some weeds* sorted.
Yesterday I got three job rejections. Well, I received nice emails telling me my applications hadn’t been successful. Two were very left-field so were expected and the third, well… it would have required me to relocate and didn’t pay very well so I wasn’t terribly worried.
It felt weird though, watching them come in throughout the day.
I won something recently which reminded me how long it is since I’ve won something. Of course I don’t actually enter much. Which I guess is why I’m not winning lotto and being able to retire and live a life of luxury. Or travel the globe. (Covid permitting.)
Those who follow me on social media may have seen the pictures and those who don’t… then why the bloody hell not? Just kidding. My social media feeds are as boring as batshit. I’m not a visual person so crap at Instagram. I’m only intermittently on Facebook so never comment or engage. I do however trawl Twitter a lot as it’s my social media platform of choice.
I asked a question on Twitter a little while ago. It (both) was and wasn’t meant to be rhetorical as many of the thoughts I put into the ether are. Sometimes you get responses. Helpful suggestions that may or may not work for you. Or comments from those who feel the same and have no answers. Or there’s the proverbial deafening silence.
