A double-edged sword

Wednesday, March 7, 2012 Permalink

Those following my blog for some time may recall my foray into self-love last year (no sniggering please!) through my belated participation in a 30-day challenge issued by inspiring US blogger Tina Reale (from Best Body Fitness).

Tina and a few other bloggers often write about topics that I tend to ruminate over for a while before eventually offering my thoughts on the issue. And… a recent post of hers has similarly been playing on my mind since I read it a few weeks ago. And it’s particularly timely as I publish this post – on the day which USED to be weigh-in day on my old weight loss program – a 12 week body transformation challenge.

You may be aware, I’m a huge social media fan. I mean, I’m not as avid as some (am yet to delve into Pinterest and the like) – and recently wrote in my other blog about my binge-tweeting habit, given the minimal access I have to social media during the working day; but I must confess, I like connecting with others in 140 characters or less.

Which brings me back to Tina’s post about social media and its relationship to our health and fitness goals. As I read through her list of positives (support and accountability) and negatives (stress, bizarre trends which become the norm and the comparison trap) I found myself nodding in agreement. I mean, HELLO?! Do I feel like crap when I read about others running 10km, when I can’t even run 1km? Yes! Do I feel lazy when others are doing double training sessions or participating in some burpee or planking challenge? Hell yeah!

One of the reasons I actually pulled out of my former weight loss program was because it became a bit overwhelming – the focus seemed to be more on the program itself, than what I wanted to get out of it. I don’t want to sound overly critical – I’ve written a few times about the cult-like following the program has in some respects – although I know it achieves results and some participants are wedded to it for life. But it can be so ‘in your face’…; and some of that (I believe) is solely a result of my (and others’) use of social media to engage with other participants.

I have a habit of checking Twitter and Facebook when I wake in the morning – before I even stagger leap energetically out of bed. And (while I usually have plans to exercise at lunch or after work) I start the day feeling like a big fat failure because at 6.30 or 7am, others have been up for 3 hours running 20km or half marathons or similar.

I'm just tweetingEven though I’ve quit that weight loss program, I’m (happily) in contact with those who are continuing, so each Wednesday morning I’m confronted (first thing) with everyone’s weight loss results. And, I’m reminded of how I lay in bed last year filled with a sense of dread and depression as I read everyone’s news. I’d eventually get on the scale myself and if I’d had a good loss, I’d be ecstatic. Until I read of others’ results that is… and then I felt envious. And angry. ‘Braggarts,’ I’d think to myself about those reporting big losses each week.  (And yes, I know that’s completely irrational and not true!)  And naturally I only focussed on those who had lost more than me, not those who lost less. To them I sent comforting ‘don’t worry’ tweets; unable to be that generous to myself!

I’m conscious that once upon a time we would have no idea how people all over the country did at their weigh-in, IMMEDIATELY AFTER their weigh-in. I mean, how would we have shared that information before the damned (though now desperately-revered) World Wide Web?!

Although, of course I have the option of avoiding Twitter (and Facebook) on a Wednesday, or avoiding it completely. I mean, I DO realise it’s all self-inflicted: I fall into Tina’s ‘comparison trap’ because I’m a competitive bitch who always wants to ‘be the best’ or who wants to ‘win’.

I do, however, also realise that my frustration is AGAIN being directed at the wrong target. (Twitter, other tweeters, other dieters and the like!)  Even before Facebook and Twitter (yes youngsters, such a time DID exist!) I did Weight Watchers and used to chat to another girl at my meetings. I quite liked her and we met for an occasional walk during our lunch break. It was fine while I was doing okay, but as I started to flounder I found myself less enthusiastic about sharing my results each week – resentfulness creeping in as she continued to succeed. (Yes… I am indeed a biatch!)

So it seems that AGAIN  (like my post about the wretched bathroom scale) I’m shooting the messenger. It’s not the fault of Twitter or Facebook that they can make me feel like crap; and frankly much of the time, they cheer me up.

As Tina suggests, they offer me connections I might not otherwise have had. They offer me virtual friends with similar interests all around the world. And they offer me an easy way of keeping in contact with those I just don’t get to see often. In reality, people who read this blog know more about me than some of those I consider to be my best friends, but who I just don’t see much of nowadays.

Another well-known US blogger, MizFitOnline, left a comment on Tina’s post, suggesting that social media is indeed a double-edged sword. And it’s true. On one hand, I receive a HUGE amount of encouragement from my online friends, and also feel a sense of accountability or obligation (in a positive way). But on the other, my world is shaped by what I read…. I started a running program, though I hate running because EVERYONE else runs and they love it. How do I know that? I read it on Twitter. Everyone else is super-motivated, participate in ridiculous challenges and their commitment never wavers. How do I know that? I read it on Twitter. No one else eats chocolate or chips or the like when they’re trying to be healthy. How do I know that? Because I DON’T read it on Twitter.

It’s on Twitter or Facebook, so it must be true.

I haven’t quite worked out how to get the best out of social media, without also the worst. I suspect it’s human nature for us to compare ourselves to others and that even the most sane do it. But I’m hoping that the therapy I’ve started will help me deal with my need to only either ‘win or opt out’ and to avoid constantly feeling like a big failure. But until then I’ll just have to focus on the positives!

26 Comments
  • nikkimaloo
    March 7, 2012

    Timely post – this morning I found myself comparing myself to others with the stream of Wednesday morning weigh ins – “2.4kg down!” “Woo, 13.8kg so far this round!” and felt a little disenchanted with my result, which was pretty dismal – social networking and quickly assist in leading me into a spiral of comparing myself with others and not celebrating what it is that *I* have achieved and ought to be proud of. I know of some others who are currently having a hard time and have completely withdrawn from social networking because they find others happy quips about awesome runs and PBs too hard to take. Interesting blog, and it’s given me a bit to think about .. don’t be surprised if you see this topic pop up on mine at some stage this week 😉

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Glad it gets you thinking Nikki… as Tina’s did with mine!

      I suspect social media is the reason I pulled out of 12WB – by the end of the program I’d completely stopped going on the official site as FB and Twitter were overwhelming enough!

      Deb

  • Sara
    March 7, 2012

    All very true! I always have to think about the selection bias, though, for me to feel better. Because there are millions of people skipping their workouts, gaining weight, sneaking binges — and none of them are tweeting about it, of course 🙂

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Also very true Sara! My mother often asks why I’m so honest in my blog posts – ie. I feel the need to share ANY naughtiness (in terms of food etc). But because I suffer from the guilt-gene I always feel the need to confess. I often assume others eat cleanly and healthily because they never talk about eating anything they ‘shouldn’t’ or don’t plan to. Whereas, they just may not be over-sharers!

      Deb

  • Barbara Davis
    March 7, 2012

    Love this. Definitely a double edge sword. Great accountability yet sometimes and added pressure I don’t want/need. That said, I have a multi-niche blog so when I don’t want to talk about health, I just don’t.

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Thanks for visiting Barbara. I have another blog that’s not dieting related as I haven’t worked out how to blend the two. Perhaps one day (most likely in the far distant future) I won’t have the need for this blog – or it will be less about weight loss and more about my marathon-running and clean-living lifestyle. (Ha! Not likely!)

      I have to admit I even find it stressful to have to schedule my tweets to my blog posts (and cringe a bit at the self-promotion etc). *Sigh* #FirstWorldProblem

      Deb

  • nondiscrypt
    March 7, 2012

    I don’t do twitter or facebook but reading your comments and knowing my personality type; I think it’s best that I avoid social media.

    Religiously logging in to see if you’ve uploaded a new blog doesn’t count right ? :-p

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Hee hee… I do the same re comments – keep checking if there are any new ones!

      I must admit I’m not a big Facebooker and occasionally find I haven’t updated my status for a week or so… (oops!), though I have my Diet Schmiet page as well, so must get better at posting fun and interesting (!?!!) things on that!

      Deb

  • Karen@WaistingTime
    March 7, 2012

    Did you read “the twitter diet?” I found it interesting in that it suggested using twitter in ways that I was not using it. And still am not. But part of that is that I struggle with “what people think” and am still trying to figure out who I am on twitter. Personally, I see it more as a place to connect to people and a place to find something that makes me smile. I have not at all been impacted by what someone else is doing that I’m not, for example. Although I will be honest, sometimes I feel like the little girl on the outside of the group trying to figure out how to join in. I guess for me I’d have to say twitter is like blogging – we should each figure out what we get out of it, what we WANT to get out of it, what we like about it, etc. I tend to forget about it, honestly. But at least I put more attention to it than my blog’s poor facebook page!

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      I haven’t heard of the Twitter diet Karen, but am going to google it!

      I understand your ‘standing on the outside looking in’ feelings as I have that a bit too – mainly with my non-diet Twitter account where I’m trying to connect with ‘other’ bloggers and I see this stream of hilarity and want to join. Occasionally I do, but they all seem so ‘together’ I feel like an interloper!

      Deb

  • Liz Nelson (@leanlizzy)
    March 7, 2012

    Hey Deb,
    I agree, I know I have blogged about it before – I want to quit Social Media and then someone will be incredibly supportive so I’ll keep it on.

    And you know that although I love my fitness and continually strive for improvement, it’s all relative – and I’ve had a few big failures lately too!

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Hi Liz. I’m a bit the same, though the feelings of inadequacy and envy are probably ones I need to address anyway. Hopefully I’ll get there. Eventually!!!

      Deb

  • Becks
    March 7, 2012

    I’m quickly coming to the conclusion that I’m the same person as you. When I come to Australia we need to be careful we don’t cause some time rift continuum problem when we collide in the same country.

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Do you watch Fringe? Perhaps it would be like that…. we can’t possibly exist in the same place at the same time. PS. If you don’t get to move here (and why wouldn’t you, for the kangaroo steaks alone?!) I’d meet you if you came for a visit!.

      Deb

  • Holly at 300 Pounds Down
    March 7, 2012

    Double edges sword is so true! I don’t mind it as much on twitter because it’s limited characters lol but where I struggle is message boards I visit because those are more detailed And I often get depressed about me not doing as well as someone who started their journey same day as me. So when this happens I unplug for awhile! Preserve my sanity!

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      True Holly. My old weight loss program also had forums or program boards and it was a bit like FB and Twitter – plus cos thousands were doing it, the whole thing was overwhelming!

      The unplugging idea is probably a good one. I do sometimes unplug on a weekend for a half a day or something…

      Deb

  • Carol @ Lucky Zucca
    March 7, 2012

    Try to remember most people only share their successes. That is something I’ve had to constantly remind myself. It’s no fun to type out your failures. Everyone (and I mean everyone) has tough days and downfalls. They might just not be exposing it as much as their successes. <3 I think you're so brave to have put this out there. So many people feel the same way you do. Hang in there and remember that this is your life and you can't compare it to anyone else. Everyone has to start somewhere, and consistency is the key to success!

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Thanks Carol! As I said in the post… I can’t blame Twitter for the comparison trap – it’s just a medium or a vehicle… I’d probably be suffering from it in another way if it wasn’t in the form of 140 characters or less!

      Deb

  • Kek
    March 7, 2012

    I think you have to know WHY you use social media. If it’s to impress other people, then that’s a big FAIL in my book.

    I’m usually pretty good at seeing through bullshit – if somebody’s blog posts, Twitter feed etc is 100% positivity, success and achievement, then I probably won’t bother reading, because they’re not being honest. They’re selling a sanitised version of themselves and those kind of social media “brands” don’t appeal to me. I could rattle off a list of bloggers like that, all of whom seem to have an adoring following (and make mega-bucks from advertising and affiliates), but I guarantee you They. Are. Not. Honest.

    I much prefer the warts & all approach. 🙂 Although on the flip side, if a blogger is one of those constantly whiney, negative types, I’m not going to stick around either.

    I decided a while back to stop comparing myself to anyone. I’m me, a unique individual, and nobody else’s body, life or mind-shaping experiences are exactly like mine, so it would be insane to compare. If I find a clone of me somewhere on the net, I’ll let you know.

    • Debbish
      March 7, 2012

      Wow Kerryn, that’s a great approach and I’m hoping to stop the comparisons and worrying what other’s think, being judged etc… And the sane part of me knows you are right; that we are unique, but it’s hard to remind myself of that sometimes!

      Deb

      • Kek
        March 7, 2012

        You’ll get there. You’re pretty self-aware and always working on the inner you, which is more than half the battle. You’ve sparked off a couple of post ideas for my blog now… Thanks for that! 🙂

        • Debbish
          March 8, 2012

          You’re most welcome. (And thanks also!)

  • KCLAnderson (Karen)
    March 8, 2012

    I can SO relate to this! Prior to blogs/FB/Twitter, I was a member of eDiets and had similar issues with it (there were support boards where everyone posted their successes/challenges etc.). This is where knowing oneself and being confident in that comes in.

    Back in 2010 I wrote a blog post entitled “I Am Training For A Marathon” (http://www.kclanderson.com/i-am-training-for-a-marathon) about going after other people’s goals and dreams.

    Anyway, I try and share everything…the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    • Debbish
      March 8, 2012

      Karen, I love that you share everything. You mostly seem so ‘together’ so it’s good to see that you still occasionally battle some of your old demons – reminding me there’s no magic ‘switch’ that will make me ‘better’ and I’ll never have to overcome the same thoughts etc… in the future.

  • Neen
    March 15, 2012

    I agree with all the comments above. And also with all you wrote in this post. I’m in my second round of 12wbt and have to say that it’s ironic that we are told not to compare ourselves with others and yet on Wednesday, everyone is encouraged to share their stats via social media.

    I’m pretty private about stuff like that so would never dream of sharing. And it makes me cringe when I hear how open people via twitter are about their weight. The whole world can hear you!!! Eek! Given how many work peeps I follow and have following me, I’d never be broadcasting the kilos dropped or gained.

    Anyway, just my thoughts. Over and out 🙂

    • Debbish
      March 15, 2012

      Neen, one of the reasons I’ve continued to keep this blog private is because I’ve shared my actual weight in it. Maybe when I weigh (a lot) less, I’ll be okay about people knowing what I ONCE weighed!

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