I read (and shared) an article I found on Facebook last weekend. The piece, from Thought Catalogue, about self-care by Brianna Wiest resonated with me – and others obviously – and I’ve been pondering it since.
It was the ‘bubble bath’ phrase that drew my attention initially. And, anyone who knows me knows I love my baths. (As is evident from my blog header!)
I’ll often share my current reading material perched on the edge of the bath. (The book, not me. I am usually, inside the aforementioned bathtub, precariously balancing my book, phone and glass of champagne.) But more often than not I get comments about how lucky I am I get to loll in the bath. And read.
And I clench my teeth and try to let the comment wash over me because I’m tired of telling those same people I would much prefer to be talking to my partner about my day, or putting kids to bed. Of course there’s a ‘grass is greener’ whole scenario happening there. I have 2hr baths each night to kill time and because, well…. what else would I do? Watch TV? Blog?
Anyhoo, two things struck me about this article.
1. Self care looks different for all of us
For many it may be the time alone in a bathtub. For me it’s sitting in front of TV watching music videos on a Saturday morning, eating brownies, drinking vanilla diet coke and catching up on blogging. It’s spending entire weekends at home. It’s pre-scheduling blog posts so I don’t have to stress about them during the week. Sure it’s sometimes going to the hairdresser or similar but it’s also doing stuff I KNOW will make my life easier and possibly happier (in the long term).
As Wiest puts it: Self care is often doing the thing we least want to do. Wiest suggests that it’s often about making choices for our long-term wellness. Which leads me to the other (and probably more important) message delivered via the piece…
2. Self-care is about becoming the person you want to be
Wiest notes that many of us resort to self-care only when we’re completely exhausted and need some reprieve from the world we’ve built around us.
I can certainly relate to this… and have often commented on how different my post-seachange life was (is) to my pre-seachange life. I wanted to escape from that life A LOT. And think I did so in fairly unhealthy ways.
The years following my move I found myself less in need of ‘comfort’ or rituals that kept me sane in earlier years. And I’ve noticed a few bad habits slipping back into my world now I’m back working full-time. I’ve seen the ‘other’ side now. The not-dark side. I know what life should / could be like and I’m aspiring to work towards that – developing habits and ‘self-care’ actions to help me return and stay there.
What does self-care mean to you?
The Lovin’ Life team includes:
November 23, 2017
Like most things at the moment, I don’t really know what my self care is. I guess right now it’s working on building fitness. Though I do wish I had a bathtub 🙂
November 24, 2017
I’ve not had bathtubs for a few chunks of my life and always miss baths when I don’t get to have them!
November 23, 2017
Oh my God yes! To all of it – the whole self care looks different to everyone, the whole the things you don’t want to do is the thing you probably should be doing…all of it.
November 24, 2017
Ah yes… I just know my weekends feel ‘right’ when I start Saturday with blog stuff and it means even if I then become apathetic or have commitments on the rest of the time I’m heading into the next week a bit more organised than I’d otherwise be – which will mean less stress.
November 23, 2017
Self care of course is different for everyone, it’s SELF care and thus unique. And as for those who tell you that you are lucky, that is one of my least favourite expressions. Be it your sitting in the bath, our travelling overseas etc. etc. it really annoys me. It isn’t luck, it’s a deliberate choice based on what one has created (for example in your case a lifestyle that allows you to own and enjoy your bath). Envy causes those ‘lucky’ comments and they annoy me – can you tell 😉
November 24, 2017
I can tell! 🙂
It all comes down to priorities in many ways. Some of the busiest people also fit in stacks of exercise and the like and I know I’m more productive when time is limited. Similarly when money is scarce it forces us to make the hard calls and whether we know it or not our priorities tend to come shining through.
And I agree with the luck commented. I worked bloody hard for 20-25yrs paying off mortgages on my own etc… and sacrificed other things to live in a place I love; whereas other people might have preferred to travel and might be renting or have more of a mortgage. (Again, I guess it comes down to our own values and priorities.)
November 23, 2017
Self care to me is fitting in as much exercise that I can during the week, eating healthy meals and indulging in some sort of treatment, like getting my toenails painted, having my hair coloured and cut or getting a massage occasionally. But I also think self care is taking time out too to just be alone with your thoughts and enjoy some nice music, scenery, a glass of wine or whatever. #TeamLovinLife
November 24, 2017
I think the thing that really struck me about this article was that I was blindly thinking self-care was that consumer-driven version or ‘treats’ and the like, when really – for me anyway – it’s creating a life that’s less stressful and doing what I need to do so that’s the case.
November 23, 2017
Funny because what I hear you saying is that self care and bad habits could be interchangeable?
Right now, I’m trying hard to find balance and enjoy the fact that my hubby just retired. So I’m back to knitting and trying to cook a little more!!
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
November 24, 2017
Oh oops Jodie, I probably think it’s actually the opposite… that self care and good habits are interchangable, or at least have an important relationship. Good habits / activities etc… (which may or may not be ‘fun’) are those I think that lead to improved self-care cos they make life bearable and keep me less stressed.
November 23, 2017
Great post Deb. I agree, self-care looks different for everyone. For me, it’s saying ‘no’ (particularly at this time of the year when the diary fills with all sorts of stuff – I make an effort to schedule in down-time).
November 24, 2017
Ah yes, that’s a biggie. I’m fortunate in that my closest friends know I need my ‘down’ (alone) time. I actually don’t mind doing stuff but hate having too many commitments. It’s when I don’t get that recovery time I start to get angsty.
November 23, 2017
Deb, I totally agree that self care is an individual thing and is often more about long term lifestyle choices rather than quick fixes.
November 24, 2017
Yep. I guess I should be conscious of that as I’ve learned it the hard way… having spent a lifetime assuming bingeing on chocolate or chips or similar will make me feel better. It rarely does. And sometimes I don’t even enjoy it in the moment because I start to feel guilty before I’ve finished the quick fix (bad habit etc)
November 23, 2017
Love this Deb because it is so true. Lately I’ve been thinking how everything is life is different for each person. Sure we can write about how we feel and suggest ways to be happy but everyone is different. My daughter has a career and a 3 year old and is lucky to have a loving and supportive husband. However, her self-care is watching ‘trashy’ TV reality shows. We all tease here about it, but after a day spent advising partners, solving problems and just having to be on for everyone, all she wants when she has time (apart from spending it with my gorgeous grandson) is to chill out an not have to think. Whatever makes us feel good is the main thing – no judgement. PS I do love a bath but we only have a shower!
November 24, 2017
Absolutely Sue and I think reading does (or used to) be that for me. I still remember how I’d breathe out a contented sigh of relief as I opened a book and turned the first page. I was about to escape and just giving myself permission do that (I think) said something about my priorities and valuing myself and my time.
November 23, 2017
I’ve learned this the hard way – we need to make ourselves a priority or we burn out. I’m changing things at work for this exact reason – spiralling down into dreading going to work is NOT good and every time I see myself falling into this type of trap, I’ve realized it’s up to me to say NO and to come up with something that leaves me with some head space and calmness. With people it can be harder but is still necessary because they can suck you dry!
November 24, 2017
I can relate to it on the work front as well Leanne. And – as you say – being able to separate ourselves from people who drain our energy and positivity can be difficult, but necessary I think.It’s a bit like unfollowing / hiding someone on Facebook… I’ve done that with a few people I actually know and like. I didn’t want to de-friend them but sometimes found their posts really negative and it just sucked the goodwill out of me constantly, so I’d hide them so I could check them from time to time, but when I felt mentally ready to read it, rather than be confronted with the constant negativity or veiled comments etc..
November 23, 2017
I like the term “self care”. I’m quite reflective and self-aware (probably too much sometimes) and so know pretty quickly when life is out of balance or I need “me time” – the problem is then taking it because it’s not always that easy. I am a bit of a bath lover too – I find an hour of peace from the noise of the world – but crappy TV, with no one else watching it with me to tell me how bad it is is another way to relax. You are right that it is different for everyone – and changes as we grow and change.
November 24, 2017
I think I’m the same as you Emma… all of my recent therapists comment on my self-awareness and I think it’s not necessarily a good thing as I overanalyse everything to death.
But, I do know myself pretty well and even if I might sometimes be confused as to the underlying problem I pretty much know what I need and when. And it can be something surprising. I actually would have thought that time in the bath was about as relaxed and happy as I could ever get. But it isn’t. I realise that now.
November 23, 2017
Self care for me is about always checking in on me. It’s about listening to what I want or need and acting on that first. Even if it’s been a while and even if things have gone waaaay off track. That said, I also don’t mind a spa and a great glass of red. Haha.
November 24, 2017
It’s interesting as I know I look forward to my red wine and caramello koalas but it occurs to me (recently anyway) that I often feel quite crappy after. It’s not stopping me from having them and they still feel like I’m treating myself but I think (hope) I’m slowly moving away from seeing them as a solution…. if that makes sense.
November 24, 2017
It makes perfect sense to me. Everything has its season, and maybe you’re almost done with this one.
November 24, 2017
Self care for me is about taking care of my overall well-being (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual) so I can be at my best when I engage with others. How we go about taking care of ourselves is certainly unique, and sometimes we need to take care of one area of our well-being more than the others.
November 24, 2017
Oh I like that Natalie… the idea of our overall wellbeing!
November 24, 2017
This has really made me think. I used to believe self-care was indulgence. I used to do that too…eating more of what I loved, over-buying items to ‘feel better’ and it has taken me till the past 2 years of so to realise that self-care is essential for self-preservation and life. I have always put others first…family, friends, workmates..as a “people pleaser” (and secretly resented it when it became too much for me!) but never a Denyse pleasers. I think the work I have done on myself with reading, doing courses with Brene Brown and Kirsten Neff is helping me transition to self-care makes the best of me. Very good post Deb xx
November 25, 2017
Oh yes, I can very much relate to the notion of secretly resenting that which you give to others: time, attention and so forth. And that can really fester. At least it can in my case!
November 27, 2017
Each of us must take responsibility for our own self-care. A lot of people let it slide, thinking it’s not important, until they become overwhelmed, then it’s a long slow road back to good health. I like to take time out every now and then to unplug and just relax, but it’s well overdue … must be time for me very soon! 🙂 #TeamLovinLife
November 28, 2017
I think that’s kinda where I’m at on the blogging front Lyndall. Ready to take a break. I love it but it feels like a huge commitment at the moment. And my life revolves around the arrival (or not) of bloody books!