I’d intended to post something today but was at a bit of a loss (and am also sick). I’m getting daily reminders (thanks Facebook memories!!!) that this time last year I was in Italy. Indeed on this very day last year I was perched outside eating gluten-free pasta with a delicious sauce while gazing at the Tuscan hills.

Recently I opened the notebook we received from Vanessa Carnevale at the writing retreat and found some exercises we’d done.

I cannot remember what the task / theme of this was (something about tears perhaps?!) but the page of short scribble seemed in keeping with the theme of my post earlier this week (on love). When I found it (a few weeks ago) I showed it to my mother.

“Is it about dad?” she asked. It is and it isn’t. It didn’t happen but I guess it’s how I felt. So….

He looked at me and I saw the tears pooling in his eyes.

I think he knew it was the end, that the happy, sad, exciting, scary and sometimes messy life he’d lived would soon be over.

He’d long passed the ability to speak, to open his parched mouth and make sounds, so it was with his eyes he said everything he needed to.

That he loved me. That he was proud of me. That he’d miss me.

Of course I didn’t have an excuse. I needed to say something, to make sure he knew how much he meant to me… while we still had time.

But the words would not come. I just hoped he could read it in my eyes as I’d read it in his.

What were you doing this time last year? Gazing over Tuscan hills? 

** Which reminds me I probably should revisit some of my ‘lessons’ from the retreat last year and see how I’ve progressed ** #eek