Debbish

Day 10

June 2, 20101 min read

Phew… finally got onto my jogging trampoline and frankly 20mins is better than nothing! My shins are still a bit sore but perhaps I am being paranoid about how they (and I) will cope with a walk!

I have pilates (private lesson) tomorrow so that will be a bonus.

I had a busy day at work today so scoffed some leftovers for lunch, only leaving my desk for a couple of loo breaks in the 10 hours I spent in the office! I decided I was too lazy to cook and can’t eat a serve of leftover mince thingy for the 3rd time today (though only 4 points in a serve!) so am having popcorn for dinner. Would be healthy, except I do smother in some butter (trying to budget 4 teaspoons!) and then some flavouring. And, I have had a champagne or two (though the low calorie / low alcohol kind).

Wish I didn’t use food and alcohol to cope with stress – and crappy days at work!

Day 9

June 1, 20101 min read

I am really struggling now which worries me as it is only my second week into Weight Watchers and only the beginning of the second week!

I keep comparing my points in Week 1 to this week’s and wonder how I was (then) so motivated to keep my points restricted if I overindulged in alcohol, or had high-calorie dinners.

I wonder if it was because my weight loss in Week 1 was so good… ie. I have taken my eye off the ball; or whether the shiny new ball has lost its gleam! But, either way, I am not as focussed or obsessed.

But all I can do is stick to my points as far as possible. I guess. I haven’t exercised and am using my sore shins as an excuse. I can walk today without much soreness, so hoping tomorrow they are improved and no-matter-what, will get on my jogging trampoline tomorrow. I promise…..

Day 8

May 31, 20102 min read

Am wondering at what point I stop counting by days and move to weeks, or perhaps I should start heading the posts up by themes? Given that I have 30+ kilos to lose (40+ according to my Weight Watchers goal) if I continue to head each post by ‘Day’ I could reach 5 or 6 figures by the end of it. Though, having said that… maybe I should keep counting the days… just for fun to see how high I get!

I am finding it a teensy bit hard to refocus after such a great loss yesterday. As always, my day has been fine. I had some mince out as I was going to splurge on nachos last night, but decided to splurge on Chinese food instead. I am not a big mince eater, though don’t dislike it. I just prefer to eat nice fillet steak or chicken breasts etc. As a single person with only myself to cater for I can be fussy and extravagant with my food choices and don’t need to buy budget options like chops or sausages. In that way I am fortunate!

Back to the mince… I recalled a recipe my mother cooked recently which I enjoyed, so called her for the details (which were skant at best!). It wasn’t until after I put the dish together (layer of raw white rice, layer of corn / peas, chopped capsicum, carrot, onion etc, layer of uncooked mince, layer of tinned tomatoes / tomato soup and some rashers of bacon on top – all in a casserole dish and in the oven for an hour or so) that I counted up the WW points.

I had no idea! Bloody mince has 3 points per 100g of very lean mince. Then the rice… 5 points for a quarter of a cup of raw rice. My dish suddenly totals 32 points and I really don’t think it will last me more than 4 or 5 meals. I am horrified. So, lesson learned – work out points first! I probably just would have made spaghetti bolognese had I realised what this concoction would cost me. Argh!

Oh well…. less wine for me tonight!

Day 7

May 30, 20102 min read

I was very frustrated with myself last night as some late evening red wine took me up to (or just over!) my WW points limit. Every other time I have ‘seriously’ dieted I have started well. So, I cannot believe I have been less-than-committed this week. Though I have only gone over my points limit once (maybe twice) I just haven’t felt as strong as I have previously.

So it was with nervous anticipation that I set off for my first weigh-in today. It never changes does it? The fear of those numbers. Of success or failure. Elation or devastation. Of what the scales say about one’s own self-worth.

I do know better. But, at the moment, the numbers are what it is all about for me. I have tried dieting (or not-dieting) without weighing but as I can’t guage how I am going, I lose motivation quickly.

Anyway, today was the day. I sat waiting for my turn with the consultant, trying to decide whether I could possibly go to the toilet again. Perhaps it will come down to a few grams.

But then, relief, and a loss of 4.4kgs. A good loss but normal for week 1 when you are as heavy as I am. But, I don’t want to detract from my efforts… sure, I could have been ‘better’, but I guess I tried and only had a few mishaps. Perhaps I am too hard on myself and have been castigating myself over not-much-at-all.

My goal for the next week is to reduce the number of points consumed in alcohol. I hope once I start to not feel as if I am being constrained or restricted and I don’t need a treat (currently alcohol) I will cut back on that as well.

A long way to go, but a good start.

Day 6

May 29, 20102 min read

Well, weigh-in tomorrow, so wouldn’t you think after a ‘good’ day yesterday I would continue in that vein….?!

I started off okay. It’s Saturday here and I had a hair appointment this morning, so planned a biggish breakfast knowing I would be out over lunch, so breakfasted on toast, baked beans, an egg, slice of bacon and some tomato (6 points).

Then lasted for hours and hours but succumbed to a later-afternoon snack of popcorn. Okay, except for the 4 teaspoons of butter I piled onto the mound after it exited from my air-popper (6 points)!

And, the grilled steak (with one potato sliced in teensy wedges, onion, carrot, tomato and capsicum) would also be okay…. but of course I retired to the bath late afternoon and read an entire novel while scoffing 3 glasses of red wine. And I assume I will drink the remainder of the bottle, taking me to my points total (25 points) for the day.

It’s not all bad. I WAS budgetting for two potatoes, but reduced that once I realised how many points were in the damned teaspoons of butter.

Am also trying hard not to focus on the weigh-in tomorrow though will be devastated if I don’t get a good loss. Shows like ‘The Biggest Loser’ make it difficult for those of us doing it slow. Once upon a time – when I have done Weight Watchers before – a loss of 2-3 kgs first week was excellent…. but I find myself now thinking “what if I only lose a couple of kilos?” Frankly – given that I have been close to my points total on 4 of the 7 days this week and exercise has been limited – I will be LUCKY to lose a couple of kilos. I hope…..

Day 5

May 28, 20102 min read

As my end-of-week 1 weigh-in looms I am becoming increasingly nervous about the result. After two nights of too much red wine and skirting dangerously close to my WW points limits, I have been much better today.

Organisational restructuring in my workplace has had me a bit stressed this week and I have coped in my usual way – over-indulging. Fortunately I haven’t turned to chocolate and chips etc… though too many glasses of red wine are just as bad. If not worse!

I haven’t done very well on the exercise front and even skipped my usual (never-missed) private pilates lesson. I know the WW consultant told me to focus on the food / diet side of the ‘scales’ for the first few weeks (rather than exercise), but I cannot help but feel I have been recalcitrant on the exercising front. Just laziness and lack of routine if I am honest, but at the end of the day (literally) I let myself off the hook, citing tiredness and a need to wind-down with wine, rather than destressing with exercise!

A low points day for me today – alcohol free and am tired (it is Friday) so just had scrambled eggs for dinner and am having an early night. Tomorrow (Saturday) will be the first whole-day I have at home since starting WW last Sunday. Hopefully I will stave off the boredom and won’t turn to food to keep myself occupied. Or obsess about what I COULD be eating. Or feel hard-done-by because I cannot be eating what I really want to be eating!

Day 4

May 27, 20102 min read

Even though I have now been overweight for some time (sometimes significantly so), I have never been FAT fat. And even though – having survived eating disorders, including binge eating – I should have some sympathy for the very big, I must admit, I have (instead) often held them in disdain.

Even while officially making the ‘obese’ BMI category… I have exercised regularly so been big – but sturdy. A trainer once told me that I was lucky that I was so athletic for the first 15 – 20 years of my life. That – and the fact that I am 178cm (5ft 10in) tall – means I hold my weight well. Usually. Even at my previous lowest (highest) point, exercising regularly meant I felt fairly healthy.

Until recently. So now I suspect now I am FAT fat. Not just someone judged to be overweight. Or quite overweight. But FAT. In capital letters. I can’t tell. My hangover from the years of dealing with anoerexia and other eating disorders mean that I have absolutely no idea what I actually look like…

But something has changed over the last few months. For the first time EVER my stomach is constantly in the way! I sometimes have trouble breathing. I cannot take deep breaths when bending over because my stomach protrudes. Pilates moves that were once easy are now challenging. I am embarrased to admit this. I did not ever think I would be in this position. I huff and puff when I bend over to tie my laces. I am like the FAT lady in the street who pants and puffs when walking just a few steps.

How did I go from ‘good’ athlete to this? I wonder….

But now, no time for mulling. I have reached Day 4 of this ‘thing-that-is-not-called-a-diet (non-diet). I have to admit to overdosing (!!) on red wine last night and so added a few extra points to my daily allowance. Oops!

OBVIOUSLY – though skipping pilates before work and doing NADA after work – I decided I would have an entirely healthy day. Of course I did not do this and have consumed the usual points in red wine.

Fortunately I made a ‘brew’ last night with onion, capsicum, garlic and basil dry-fried with kidney beans and pureed tomatoes. I batched it up for lunch today and tomorrow…. so (the fairly low calories / points) allowed me a decent steak and potato dinner tonight – which I cooked: with eye fillet steak, onions, capsicum, onion and garlic in an oven bag with a teensy bit of oil, potatoes, carrot and seasoning. Yummy……

Of course I DID think I might have an alcohol-free night, but I guess I am not quite in that headspace quite yet!

Day 3

May 26, 20102 min read

Points yesterday – 23.5 out of my 25 point allowance.

Was a bit disorganised last night, so after boasting that I always have my lunches under control I had to just throw a can of tomato soup in my bag as I headed off to work today.

I breakfasted as usual – toast, bacon and an egg (5 points), then souped for lunch (don’t you love how I use these nouns as verbs?!) but had to add some milk so the condensed tomato soup was vaguely palatable (4 points).

This afternoon I had a dentist’s appointment as a filling had come out on the weekend…. so after that decided on something ‘soft’ for dinner and had scrambled eggs on toast (including light evaporated milk and some stock – 6 points!).

Having finished work early I thought I would go for a walk, but had chores to do (library books to return, grocery shopping) and I was tired and had a numb mouth so just came home….

I did do 15 minutes on the jogging trampoline which is better than nothing.

So, day 3 I suspect I will be target about 23 points again.

After making the scrambled eggs I made a brew-of-sorts from onion, capsicum, garlic and basil with tinned tomatoes, kidney beans, stock and lemon juice (only about 3 points per serve) which will do me for lunch for the next two days.

So, I will try to stay motivated. I did quickly jump on the scales tonight -filled with a sudden panic that I don’t feel TOO deprived so maybe it isn’t working….. I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but I don’t want to get to Sunday and then discover that I haven’t done very well. But, I am sticking to the plan….

Day 2

May 25, 20102 min read

I survived Day 1, consuming a total of 23 of my 25 points. I was pretty happy with my efforts and decided not to fret over the lack of exercise (or alcohol consumed!).

Day 2 now and I breakfasted on the same as yesterday – toast, egg and low fat bacon (5 points). I had leftover chicken and noodle soup for lunch (4 points). I know I should be ‘snacking’ to keep my metabolism kicking over, but have to admit that I am saving points for dinner (and wine).

Tonight I am feasting on a (180g) fillet steak and some potatoes (chopped up as wedges – zapped in microwave then grilled), plus some other pointless veges (and by pointless I mean, not accruing any WW points rather than them having no meaning!!!). And, I will (again) have some wine. I figure I can clock up another 5 points – or so given that dinner will be 6 or 7 points.

While I am confessing my sins, I must also admit to something else which is a tad embarassing. A couple of weeks ago – having quit Personal Training and lacking in the motivation to walk early in the morning or dark of night – I went out and bought a little jogging trampoline. Did I hear someone say CHOOSE LIFE? Yes indeed – very 1980s! And I did use a jogging trampoline in those days but was about 70-80kgs lighter. I recall being in the University gym and jumping and running vigorously on one…. whereas now I am capable of some sort of trot that looks like I am limping! But, I figure it must be equivalent to a walk. I had thought about hiring a treadmill, which I have done previously, but then I tend to stress about the fact that I SHOULD be running instead of walking and then I try to run (or do interval training, which I know is ideal) and then I get too breathless; then I dread it; and then I hate it; and then I stop using the damned thing.

So, I figure – I can jump on the trampoline for 10 minutes at a time and it isn’t troublesome and I won’t dread it too much. So I forced myself to do a little prance around for 10 minutes this morning and have – just now – finished my 15 minutes (yay for me!). I am trying to think positively about the small steps (albeit in the form of unattractive trots!) I am making!

So now, it is time to retire to the bath (red wine in hand) before cooking dinner and retiring in front of the television.

Day 10

Day 9

Day 8

Day 7

Day 6

Day 5

Day 4

Day 3

Day 2

Search my book reviews

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Book review policy

Privacy information & data collection