I decided to join Denyse Whelan’s blogging link-up today and the theme is… What is love?
I’m tempted to say… fucked if I know. But I guess that’s not true. I may not have been ‘in’ romantic love (which is kinda depressing given I’m 51 years old!). But I know love when I see it and I’ve certainly felt it (even though I rarely, if ever, say it!).
Love is… a mother coming to pick up her 51yr old daughter who was so depressed she’d been lying in bed for days crying and unable to get up. It’s the same mother taking her daughter back to her place and nursing her – as if physically ill – for several days until the daughter felt like herself again.
Love is… a daughter swallowing her frustration when her mother forgets she’s told her something again. And again. Or a daughter patiently trying to fix computer problems she knows nothing about. It’s a daughter listening to a mother catastrophise about things that once wouldn’t have worried her, and comforting rather than ridiculing.
Love is… a wife visiting her sick and dying husband every day because she knows he has dementia and is unable to tell the doctors anything about his condition or answer any of the questions they ask. It’s being there – day in and day out – when they’re no longer the same person you met nearly 50 years earlier but accepting their faults, their foibles along with the illnesses they can’t control.
Love is… people still making an effort with those who may longer recognise you or your actions. It’s not expecting anything in return but doing it anyway. And not just because you feel obliged, but because you know you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t.
Love is…. sitting beside someone as they die. It’s not wanting to be there but knowing there’s nowhere else you could be.
Love is… knowing you’d sacrifice your life for a child who’s not your own. The realisation that a child of your sibling could become the centre of your universe.
Love is… realising relationships and people change. It’s family or friends pissing you off or acting in ways you sometimes don’t like, but making the effort to understand and accept them anyway.
Love is…. taking the bad with the good. It’s being there for someone when there are other places you’d prefer to be. And it’s knowing someone’s there for you. No matter what.
Your turn. What is love? (Other than Netflix, caramello koalas, vanilla diet coke and champagne?)
(Image via @hongqi on Unsplash)
September 16, 2019
I tried to post a comment so let’s try again. A beautiful post – love is, indeed, all of these things. It’s caring, compromise, compassion & rarely easy. It’s absolutely more than the bells and whistles of romantic love & something that transcends the sameness of bin night.
September 16, 2019
Ah, that’s lovely. It certainly is all of those things…. and def not easy, even when it’s the non-romantic kind.
September 16, 2019
You described love so well. It’s all of the things that you mentioned and a lot more than the romantic love passion. #lifethisweek
September 16, 2019
Yes, this was a very personally-specific one for me. Not what I’d initially planned to write (as I’d been inspired by something Mark Manson wrote about compatibility and chemistry re romantic love) but this is what came out when I sat down!
September 16, 2019
You’re so right Deb, love is all those things and more. I watched a great talk on youtube about the fact that we’ve lost sight of what true committed love is and swapped it out for the romanticism of the poets and writers of Victorian times (who all died young and never had to push through all those decades of ‘just doing life’ together). It was so true that love encompasses a lot more than starry eyes and walks on the beach.
September 16, 2019
The Mark Manson post I was going to reference kinda talks a lot about romantic love and chemistry and made me very wistful re falling in love. But I wondered how romanticised it was… and how relevant ‘x’ years down the track.
September 18, 2019
Hi Deb – back for MLSTL – here’s the link to the talk Alan de Botton gave at the Opera House – if you have a spare hour or so you might find it interesting. I wonder how many marriages fail because they thought romatic love would last forever and forgot to take into account that 50 years together (or more!) might make that a little unrealistic?
September 19, 2019
Oh thanks. And absolutely – that was what interested me about the Mark Manson piece…. he focuses very much on the early stages of chemistry when you can’t stop thinking about someone etc… I assume that passes.
September 16, 2019
Oh I hope all is okay now? A beautiful insight and attitude. x
September 16, 2019
Up and down as always and yes, that first one was a few months ago now. x
September 16, 2019
This is beautiful. I think you’ve nailed it. True love is being there for someone in sickness and health and for richer or for poorer – although those are marriage vows, I think they hold up for love of all kinds. And as my mum says, true love means you love someone “warts and all.” And yes, I am with you on the caramello koalas and the bubbles, although I might have to throw a plate of dumplings in to the mix!
September 17, 2019
I’m coeliac so yet to discover the joy of dumplings as I’ve never seen any gluten-free ones. (But, yes to everything else you mention… warts and all!)
September 16, 2019
Wow! that’s so thought provoking and beautiful! Yes love is giving oneself wholly and yet not always being aware of how unconditionally we care for another. Difficult for words to fully encompass all it means.
September 17, 2019
True and I didn’t even want to delve into the ‘loving oneself’ thing… that’s way too fraught for a Monday morning! 🙂
September 17, 2019
Deb, you have taught me so much about love in this post. Thank you.
SSG xxx
September 17, 2019
It’s just a personal perspective I guess but reflected ‘love’ for me at the moment.
September 18, 2019
A beautiful post that made me think and ponder. I’ve been lucky in that I found romantic love, over 30 years ago. My husband is still very much the love of my life and I feel hugely grateful for that. But you’re so right that love can be displayed in many different ways and I love (there’s that word again – have I used it too lightly or indiscriminately?) the instances you shared. I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling down, and hope that you’re feeling chirpier now? #MLSTL and Shared on SM
September 19, 2019
The incident I mention was a few months ago now Jo, thankfully – though the last few days have been not-fun. Of course I have a cold / flu so everything seems SOOOOO much worse when you’re sick!
September 18, 2019
That was so beautiful Deb. Love IS so much more than, as I said in my post “lovey dovey”. I think that is one of the most heartfelt and touching posts I have read. I do appreciate the openness and the vulnerability behind it too. There is so much more to say about ‘love that cannot be seen nor felt’ but IS, it just IS. Thanks for a linking up for Life This Week. Next week’s optional prompt is 38/51 Your Go-To Easy Meal. 23/9/19 and I hope to see you there. Denyse.
September 19, 2019
I pondered over ‘love’ as I’d felt or experienced it. I mean, obviously I have close friends I love and other family members. My brother often annoys me but I love him nonetheless. And hopefully he’d say the same about me (even if he does have me hidden etc on Facebook).
I thought – while writing it – also about the idea of sometimes not ‘liking’ people (or things they do) and still loving them. I touched on that a little but it would have sent me waaaay off track!
September 19, 2019
Beautifully written Deb! Your examples are spot on and you are lucky to be loved and to love. Love (to me) is dropping everything and flying to the other side of the world to be with your daughter when her baby was born too early at 25 weeks. #mlstl
September 19, 2019
Oh absolutely that is exactly what it is. I hated having to ask my mother to drive to my town to come and pick me up but also realise she would never have NOT done it. Similarly I’d do the same for her.
September 19, 2019
Hiya. Love is exactly as you so beautifully described it; you brought tears to my eyes, I’m afraid. Love isn’t the “roses are blue” romantic fluff of Hallmark movies. Love is enduring together the daily grind – the shared struggles, worries, fears, successes and giggles. Love is the inspiration to become a better person or better partner. It is grace and kindness. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Best post this month, by far! pp
September 19, 2019
I love your comment that it’s the inspiration to become a better person cos I think that’s definitely the case – for any kind of relationship, not just romantic love. I guess it makes you conscious how you’re seen by others (which is fine unless you’re too much of a people pleaser) but you want to be someone the person you love can be ‘proud’ of. (And not via achievements etc but by being a decent person!)
September 19, 2019
The phrase that hit me the hardest was “you know you couldn’t live with yourself if you didn’t”. I never associated that feeling with love, but rather with responsibility. You’ve made me think!
I also think often we can choose to love… not the romantic kind, but the commitment kind.
September 19, 2019
Yes, in that post I think I’ve linked to another I wrote about my dad’s dementia (The Rain) and I commented that he couldn’t remember if / when we’d called as he’d lost an ability to transfer anything from his short to medium / longer term memory but there was no way I wouldn’t call.
I know some people talk about not visiting relatives with alzheimers etc as ‘they won’t know anyway’ and (as per the story in The Rain post) YOU would know and I’m prone to regret so it feels / felt like more than just a sense of duty.
September 20, 2019
What a touching description of love, Deb. I don’t know what I can add to that. XO
September 21, 2019
Thanks Christie.