I’m writing and posting this before I have second thoughts. In case it hasn’t been obvious I’ve been struggling to put fingers to keyboard of late. I’m doing okay with my book-related blog posts, but when it comes to writing about other stuff… let’s just say I have eight half-written blog posts from the last two weeks alone. They’re about everything from my first and only time horse riding; Orientation Week at Uni almost exactly 30 years ago; to my inability to visualise myself when meditating.
However, I’m bored silly. I get (what I think is) some fabulous idea, write a heap of words before finding I’ve gone off on some tangent and can no longer remember why on earth I thought the subject worthy of public consumption. So I stop and have a rest. I lie down but then get up again. Rinse. Repeat.
overanalysed to death pondered this malaise and realise that I’m just struggling with enthusiasm. For anything. I was already in a bit of a post-work slump when I got my ear infection. Over a week later and although a visit to the Ear Nose & Throat Surgeon was required, the infection must surely be gone as my ear is pain-free. But… it’s still blocked—making the world a little wonky.
And then there’s the 2+mths of poor sleep and whole peri-menopause thing. But let’s not go there.
I’ve been waiting to feel better. “Soon….,” I keep thinking, “I’ll be ready to kick butt. I’ll proactively look for work and freelance writing opportunities. I’ll follow through on the ideas I have.” And… of course, “I’ll get back to my circuit classes.”
And I’m still waiting.
Years ago I wrote about kids waking full of awesome. At the moment—with so little to look forward to—I rarely feel like waking at all. It’s hard to feel any enthusiasm for anything. (Cue #pityparty)
Even as I write all of that I realise it’s no excuse to wallow in self-pity. Short-term illness and my impending state of poverty is no reason for me to fall in a heap when I still have so much more than most. So —back to the reason I’m writing and posting this before I can have second thoughts and shelve it with my other ‘drafts’—tomorrow I’m gonna wake full of enthusiasm.
I’ll stop putting things off until I’m ‘in the mood’ or feel better. I’ll attack my To-Do list and I’ll focus on the good stuff. Cos I DO know there’s a lot of it.
Do you wake with enthusiasm? Ever?