Someone I know recently started blogging and is already falling into that trap of worrying about the numbers: Facebook likers, page views and so forth.

In many ways I was fortunate when I first started blogging over four years ago. I barely knew anything about the industry. I started with this blog – well, a version of this blog… in Blogger I think before transferring to WordPress.com.

I kicked off my secondary (once ‘secret’) blog just over three years ago, deciding to document what I thought would be my latest weight loss attempt.

The two blogs were very different – if only because the original Diet Schmiet was less-polished. I posted as often as possible and just ‘wrote’. In fact, I all-but vomited words onto the screen.

In this blog (formerly known as Write About Now) I drafted and redrafted and redrafted posts to death in MS Word before FINALLY posting them.

In the very early days I’d occasionally paste a link onto my Facebook page, walk away from my computer and then wonder who-the-hell I thought I was… expecting my 50-60 Facebook friends to go and read my blog.

Argh!

So I’d go and delete the link. I very occasionally got a comment from a friend or acquaintance, but basically my posts went unread and unacknowledged.

Which didn’t both me. Back then.

I’ve always been really nervous about my writing. Over a 4-5 year period I participated in a myriad of writing courses, attended Writers’ Festivals and the like. I knew I loved writing but couldn’t find my voice – or my vehicle.

Ultimately I started blogging because I made a commitment to write (in some form) for a public audience… which is how this blog came about.

And as time has passed, I’ve realised that blogging is the medium I most prefer – in terms of my writing.

My readership has grown, although bizarrely (but perhaps not unsurprisingly) Diet Schmiet has become the more popular and more-commonly read of my blogs.

I decided earlier this year I wanted to take my blogging to the next level. Domain names I’d had for a year were finally activated and new web designs prepared AND I started paying for a hosted site.

I am, however, still easing into the monetisation world.

Like SO many other bloggers I sometimes wonder why the hell I’m doing this. I mean… ‘who do I think I am?’

I find myself writing about the inane. I see the eyes of others glaze over when I talk about taking some time off work to focus on my writing blogging.

And – I look at other blogs attracting advertisers and lots of readers and comments… feeling insignificant in comparison.

In many (MANY) ways my blogs feel like they’re going nowhere. Fast.

I’m constantly agog at some of the numbers of readers, hits, comments and so forth that other bloggers get and – like so many others – wonder why on earth my blogs haven’t grown to the same extent.

My Facebook pages wallow in low numbers – understandable given my preference for Twitter over FB (and I still cringe at the self-promotion required).

I fall into the comparison trap and wonder what it is I’m doing wrong. Or not doing right.

It’s then I remind myself of why I do this. Essentially I started blogging for me. (It’s all about me. Me, me, me.) And for me… it’s all about the words. I just love writing.

I went to a bloggers’ meet-up here in Brisbane yesterday. There were only a few of us there, but all from different stages of the blogging cycle.

It’s funny, as I tend to promote myself as a ‘newbie’ despite my 4+ years of experience, but I suspect it’s because I’m only now starting to take it seriously.

Although I do write blog predominantly to get the words, thoughts and feelings out of my head, I do write with my readers in mind. But… I have to confess – and this is where I feel a bit arrogant – I’ve realised I just want more of them. Readers, that is.

In admitting to that I feel like a petulant 5 year old complaining that no one will play with me or be my friend.

I mean, faaarck… is this just all about being accepted, appreciated and loved? Surely not. Surely there’s some higher purpose to it all… one’s need to connect with others, share life lessons or even our own desire for self-actualization? Or something.

In the meantime  (and because that question was mostly rhetorical), I’m heading to ProBlogger’s training event next weekend where I’ll have the opportunity to be both inspired and depressed by those more successful than myself.If you can’t make it to Melbourne in person, rest assured, because you can now attend virtually – from the comfort of your own Batcave  study.