That time I was on the radio at 4.30am

Saturday, May 18, 2013 Permalink

The other night I was lolling in bed when I saw a tweet from Eden Riley, of Edenland fame (and when I fame, I mean FAME!). She’d agreed to be interviewed on late night radio and was unhappy with her performance. Plus, I gather it was talkback radio and the whole thing was typical of those kinds of shows and the kinds of people who listen to them.

As it happens, I could relate to her post-interview cringe as the exact same thing happened to me almost 20 years ago. And BTW, when I say the same thing… I mean without the nasty host or callers and stuff. It was – in fact – just me embarrassing myself!

Me in Mozambique

I was living and working (well, volunteering) in Mozambique in Africa in the mid 1990s, trying to perfect my Portuguese (and when I say ‘perfect’ I’m using the term v.loosely!) and trying to have some positive impact on those around me.

I’d been there about a year when I was woken by the trill of my telephone (back in the days when they had dials and curly cords ‘n stuff) at 4.30 one morning.

Groggily I stumbled to my living room and answered the phone; only to be told that I was speaking to an ABC radio announcer and on a Dial-A-Queenslander program.

What. The. Fuck?

Apparently one of my aunts had sent in my details but there was no heads-up or arranged time or anything. Just WHAM. “Hello, you’re on the radio!”

I made no sense. I wasn’t articulate. I couldn’t think straight.

Anyone who knows me (well, now anyway), knows I can talk the leg off… whatever one talks the leg off. And I can be am pretty articulate. But honestly, I was back in bed 15 minutes after that call writhing about in shame. “Noooooo…..” was all I was capable of thinking.

The announcer – who’s still around incidentally – Spencer Howson, was actually lovely. No curly questions, no stumpers; and it started not-too -badly well:

Spencer: So, what are you doing in Mozambique.
Me: I’m on an Australian Volunteer Abroad placement working with a Mozambican Women’s Organisation

Spencer: What does the organisation do.
Me: Ummm… it helps women, with literacy and family planning and stuff like that.
I should note I was very good at explaining what my organisation did. Just not at 4.30am after having been woken up.

ci-at-boane2

But then….

Spencer then provided some information about Mozambique being one of the poorest countries of the world and said something about not having my creature comforts.

Ummm… “Yes,” I responded. AND, in all honesty what went through my mind was: Diet Coke, KFC, sour cream, movie theatres. All of which sounded frivolous and shallow. So, I responded… ” I miss auto banks and traffic lights.” 

Sad, but true.

The conversation continued for what seemed like hours but was probably seconds before he asked, “If you could have something from home that you miss, what would it be?” 

Obviously I was supposed to say vegemite etc (which incidentally I hated and cannot eat now cos of the coelic thing anyway), but again thought… Diet Coke, KFC, sour cream, movie theatres. So said…. “Auto banks and traffic lights.”

I shit you not!

Spencer generously laughed but understandably felt obliged to comment on my auto bank and traffic light fetish.

I think I mumbled something about hours spent queuing at the bank to withdraw money and the dangerous roads, but I am not sure as I was possibly already going into shock over my pathetic performance.

And then, it was over.

I called my parents later. To warn them.

One of them raced home from work at the time of the allocated program to press ‘record’ on the cassette player. (As one did back in 1995/6!)

Months later when I returned home my mother offered to play the recording for me.

“Oh my god no!”

Naturally I didn’t get my own way, but bizarrely when I listened to it I barely noticed the answers (and I didn’t appear as stupid as I’d felt at the time). What I mostly noticed was my voice and my accent.

“That’s not me!” I kept saying.

I’ve always been a bit manic. And I speak quickly. I’m prone to the ‘verbal vomit’ if you will. But after 12-18mths of living in my first non-English speaking country I was speaking slowly and clearly. Plus I had a strange accent (most of the English speakers I heard were South African or the occasional European resident).

Fortunately I was able to listen to the recording dispassionately. And it sounds kinda vain but I was actually quite tickled pink with my posh and cultured voice.

Of course that was many many years ago and – after being permanently back in Australia for over 10 years – I again speak like a true Aussie and at lighting speed.

Hopefully – in retrospect – Eden has found that her performance wasn’t as bad as she’d initially thought or she’s able to look back on that particular experience with equal meh-ness.

Have you ever done something and later thought about all of the things you SHOULD have done or said?
Can you listen to your own voice without cringing?

15 Comments
  • Cynthia
    May 18, 2013

    When Eden started fumbling I thought oh no Steve Price is going to rip her apart but he actually was very polite to her. She seemed so out of her depth and just kept on digging a bigger hole for herself. Perhaps she needs to just stick to blogging and leave the political opinions to those commentators who know what they are actually talking about and can logically express it.

    • Debbish
      May 18, 2013

      Hi Cynthia, I didn’t hear the interview at the time (I live in regional Qld so radio options are more limited – sometimes a good thing!) but heard it later – though my reference to Eden’s experience was more of a segway to my story. It just seemed like Steve led Eden down a path that she wasn’t prepared for and suspect she was thinking she was speaking about one issue and suddenly it’s expanded). It seemed that Steve got her on the show to speak from the ‘everyday mother’s’ viewpoint and was then disappointed she wasn’t a political commentator. But that’s just my take as I’ve never heard his show before.

      Either way, there’s nothing worse than that feeling AFTER an interview (or performance or the like) when it feels like it was the worst thing in the world. On a less-public scale it happened to me in a job interview once. (I actually mostly enjoy job interviews!) I had the time wrong and so was late and unprepared. I was on the back-foot from the start. After it finished I thought of all of the things I SHOULD have said, but in the interview itself I fumbled around pathetically!)

      • Cynthia
        May 18, 2013

        Hi Debbish

        I have to respectfully disagree with your comment that Steve led Eden down another, unprepared by Eden, path. They were discussing Michelle Rowland, Eden made the statement that Tony Abbott doesn`t understand women, Steve asked her to expand on that opinion and that was when it all fell apart for Eden. It was Eden who initiated that path and then had difficulty backing her statement up.

        Not a fan of Steve Price but this time he did conduct himself well and I thought he was very respectful to her, compared to his usual interview techniques.

        • Debbish
          May 18, 2013

          Thanks Cynthia. I haven’t actually ever heard of him before, but do appreciate you taking the time to comment.

          Deb

        • edenland
          May 20, 2013

          Cynthia, a long-time fan of Steve said the same thing, that he was actually quite respectful to me. Thank god he didn’t go to town. Think I’ll stick to topics that I know.

      • edenland
        May 20, 2013

        Debbish – I’m commenting these comments in order of how they appear – it felt to me like whatever I said was wrong. Probably some of it was. I don’t ever want to listen to the interview. I tanked. Ahh well – I had a go.

        xx

        • Debbish
          May 20, 2013

          I had a conversation with someone yesterday about the notion of giving something a go. I recently entered my first writing comp and it scared the shit out of me… but I did it and – though I don’t expect to do well or win anything -there’s a sense of accomplishment from trying!

          Deb

    • edenland
      May 20, 2013

      Cynthia, you are exactly right. I just couldn’t find my words, didn’t realise he’d take that line of questioning.(DUH) I’m done. Can I just say, thank you for saying that so politely!

      eden

  • Janine
    May 19, 2013

    I love this story!

  • edenland
    May 20, 2013

    Debbish – I just love how traffic lights were so important to you! The roads must have been tough. Thank you for relating, and telling your radio story. Made me feel better.

    XXX

    • Debbish
      May 20, 2013

      You’re welcome. It popped into my mind when I saw your tweets. It was such a long time ago now (Spencer Howson tweeted back to say I’d made him feel old!) I’ve mostly forgotten it even happened.

  • Grover Caldwell
    June 25, 2013

    Hi Cynthia, I didn’t hear the interview at the time (I live in regional Qld so radio options are more limited – sometimes a good thing!) but heard it later – though my reference to Eden’s experience was more of a segway to my story. It just seemed like Steve led Eden down a path that she wasn’t prepared for and suspect she was thinking she was speaking about one issue and suddenly it’s expanded). It seemed that Steve got her on the show to speak from the ‘everyday mother’s’ viewpoint and was then disappointed she wasn’t a political commentator. But that’s just my take as I’ve never heard his show before.

  • Elizabeth the Evil Overlord
    September 6, 2015

    Hasn’t this happened to us all? Makes me think of the book I just reviewed The Perfect Comeback of Caroline Jacobs. I know this has happened to me many times, but after the initial cringe I just don’t care. Like you I’ve heard a recording or seen a video of the awful incident and it seemed fine to others, so now I don’t worry about it.

    • Debbish
      September 6, 2015

      It’s always the way isn’t it? We later think of all of these fabulously witty things we SHOULD have said!

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