Taking Stock

Thursday, February 26, 2015 Permalink

I finished a part-time contract gig last week. I’d been with the company for about 14-15mths and it was a decision I did not make lightly. I’m a little unsure of what will come next but unlike my departure from government over two years ago, there’s no financial buffer this time around.

I’ve been wallowing a little this week as a result. On one hand I feel like I need a short holiday or break, but on the other I should be planning for my future. Which is all a long way of saying I’ve started half a dozen posts over the last two weeks β€” all of which are wallowing in my drafts folder as I again ponder the future of this blog / site.

However, I do need to step out of this funk. Soon. And to help me do that I’m following the lead of Pip from Meet Me At Mike’s who came up with the fabulous idea of taking stock every so often – providing a ‘checklist’ of sorts (which I’ve slightly adapted). Emily from Have A Laugh On Me shared a similar post and as I completed this I was reminded how much I like being given an assignment.

Listening: to the rather-loud and argumentative family who have an office in front of my apartment complex.

Cooking: potatoes, potatoes and more potatoes in some weird can’t-get-enough-potatoes fest. Faux chips, real chips, potato bake, roast potatoes. You name it; I want it!

Drinking: far too much vanilla diet coke. But not much alcohol. Hopefully the second outweighs the first.

Reading: a book in a sitting. If She Did ItΒ  by Jessica Treadway kept me occupied for several hours last night.

Wanting: to pull myself out of this funk and make some decisions about my professional future.

From dumpaday.com

From dumpaday.com

Looking: ahead. Not back. (The old windscreen vs rearview mirror analogy!)

Wasting: less time now I’ve deleted Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and other apps from all of my mobile devices. I don’t want to go completely social media free, but I spend way too much time envying others’ lives and need to bloody well focus on my own!

Wishing: I weighed 50kg less; and had a fabulous part-time job which challenged me, left me enough time and headspace for my writing and paid really well. (So, I’m really not asking much! πŸ˜‰ )

Enjoying: book blogging / reviewing.

Waiting: to feel better but knowing I’m the only one who can make that happen.

do something about it

Remembering: how much happier I am since making my seachange over two years ago. I have no regrets at all.

Watching: the TV show Forever,Β  which I understand may be axed soon if it isn’t already. I’m pretty sure it’s Ioan Gruffudd’s accent which has sucked me in, but nonetheless…

Loving: the online community and support I receive from my virtual friends. (And my IRL friends, including the lovely Felicity who dragged me out of the house yesterday!)

Hoping: some night soon I can sleep before 2am. I think it may be menopause related but it’s been about six weeks since I’ve had a decent sleep.

Marvelling: that I can be so exhausted when I’m doing absolutely nothing.

Needing: more sleep.

Wearing: what I wore to bed – a singlet and shorts.

Knowing: this too shall pass.

Thinking: far too much and doing far too little. πŸ™‚

Feeling: guilty I slept in and didn’t go to my circuit class this morning and…

Worrying: about my future. (I sense a theme….)

Trying: not to catastrophise so much and reminding myself I only finished work last Friday.

Appreciating: that I live in a (relatively!) democratic country, in a great location, have friends and family who care about me and am in good health.

See, ending on a positive?! (Although… did I mention my ear infection?) πŸ˜‰

Can you relate to any of these? Do you wallow?

 

28 Comments
  • Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me
    February 26, 2015

    I sense a theme and maybe you do need a quick break away for some ‘fresh air’ blow out the cobwebs, find some inspiration. I love that you’ve deleted all apps, you’re a braver and stronger woman than I. Thinking of you Deb, take time out and be kind to you x ps. thanks for mention x

    • Debbish
      February 26, 2015

      Thanks Em. I do realise the mood will pass and am glad I remembered your recent post as it allowed me to blow some of the cobwebs away. (And it helped motivate me to write and publish one book review and draft another!)

  • Pinky Poinker
    February 26, 2015

    If I can’t sleep I take a Restavit (from the chemist) with a glass of wine. I’m not pushing drugs but they do work. I’m ordering that book on Amazon. The last book I read which you recommended, Girl on a Train was brilliant. I LOVED it and couldn’t put it down. This one looks like it’s up my alley too. Hope you get out of your funk x

    • Debbish
      February 26, 2015

      If you haven’t read YOU by Caroline Kepnes, I’d recommend that as well – for a thriller (as well as Sabine Durrant’s Under Your Skin).

      I definitely need something. I’m feeling really restless and I suspect it’s menopause related as I tend to feel really sticky at the same time. I’m starting to really struggle in the mornings!

  • Ness
    February 26, 2015

    Oh I hear you about the life envy from too much social media. Recently our WiFi was down for a couple of week as there was work being done for the National Broadband Network in our street. I actually found that the enforced social media detox was great. I hope you get a some sleep and feel better soon. And I REALLY hope you find that dream job! Sounds awesome!

    • Debbish
      February 26, 2015

      Thanks Ness. I’d removed Instagram from my devices for that exact reason. Everyone else’s life was far more interesting than mine. They did all sorts of exciting things with friends, had kids, bought expensive champagne and went to nice restaurants. I know that people generally only share their highlights but my life really suffered in comparison. Hopefully I can focus more on my own stuff now and less on everyone else’s!

      Deb

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths
    February 27, 2015

    I’ve finally got over those feelings myself (it took a little while after leaving my APS job) but now I feel a lot more hopeful, happier and content than I ever did with secure employment. Good luck with the future Deb – it’s yours to write and it is sure to be fabulous x

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      Thanks Kirsty. I felt much like that when I left the State Government a couple of years ago. I’d budgetted for a year off if I’d needed it – and I did. I guess this time around I’ve already tried to dangle my toe in the ‘freelancing business’ locally and know that I’m going to struggle. Though… I am trying to be more positive.

      Deb

  • Char
    February 27, 2015

    My favourite one of your dot points was how much you love your sea change and that you have no regrets. It was such a big move and change and I’m so glad that you’re happy that you took the leap. It took a lot of courage and boldness.

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      Oh yes, I’m sure given the financial struggle I’ve had since moving, some people (my brother probably – not sure if he reads this! Hello PJ!) would assume I’d regret my decision. But that hasn’t been the case at all. No regrets and I’d do it again in a heartbeat!

  • 26 Years and Counting
    February 27, 2015

    I get that feeling post-contract. Especially without the financial buffer. You know it would be good for you to take a break, but when will the next role be along?

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      Yes, I probably should have taken at least a few days to do nothing as instead I made a half-hearted effort and felt like a big fat failure. I think I need to make a call and then pursue whatever it is I decide (which is mostly to do with – trying for freelance writing opportunities vs finding part-time work and only writing for fun!)

      Deb

  • jennyandstephenmilan
    February 27, 2015

    Perhaps a short trip inland somewhere, even just one or two nights to completely get away might be a way of seeing a new direction. You can go mid week now!

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      Ha! As it’s happened, I’ve been forced to take a break as I’ve got an ear infection. Rather than wallow at my own place I drove the 40km to my mother’s so I could whinge incessantly to her. Plus she cooked me a roast. I’m here (at her place) for a few days so away from my desk and all of my usual stuff. If I wasn’t in incredible pain it’d be a nice break! πŸ˜‰

      Deb

  • Robomum
    February 27, 2015

    A short break, or failing that, a break in routine can really have an amazing impact. You probably need a bit of time to work it all out and come to some decisions that you’re happy with. Here’s to working it all out! Cheers for linking with The Lounge.

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      Am behind in my reading so will check out other posts in the next day or so, but I’m now having a forced break in my routine cos I have an ear infection so am having time away from all of my usual stuff. I hope it will help and perhaps draw a line under the old stuff and let me start the new stuff when I’m completely 100%!

  • peopledonteatenoughfudge
    February 27, 2015

    Ohhh, for a minute I thought Taking Stock was going to be a post about shoplifting (wouldn’t that make a great title for one that was … accidental shoplifting obviously!!!). Actually, it’s a great idea for a post, it’s good sometimes to sit down and really think about where you are with things, I’m usually far to caught up running around trying to just cope with things to do that.

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      I was a bit disappointed my points all seemed so negative. I didn’t mean to sound like such a Debbie Downer! It was – however – good to at least write something.

  • This Charming Mum
    February 28, 2015

    This looks like a great way to start ordering your thoughts and fleshing out what the ‘next big thing’ might be for you. I am definitely a wallower when it comes to periods of change and indecision. I hope a few of the things on your ‘wish list’ materialise for you very soon πŸ™‚

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      Oh yes, it’s all seemed a ‘bit too hard’ this past week. I do hope I feel a bit more positive last week. (Having said that I did follow up on a couple of things I wanted to do!!!)

      Deb

  • Sanch @ Living my Imperfect Life
    February 28, 2015

    Sounds like things are a bit tough at the moment — allow yourself to wallow a while. It doesn’t hurt. And before you know it, you’ll pick yourself up and continue on forward. But I understand the worries about the future. πŸ™‚
    P.S. I slept in this morning and I feel so very guilty for having missed the gym and wasted half a morning! Can totally empathise with you on that…

    • Debbish
      February 28, 2015

      I’ve missed an additional gym session since Thursday because my ear infection is now rather full-on and painful. (Well, only when I open my mouth or move my head!!!)

      But yes, I hope you’re right Sanch. Last week was for wallowing and this one will be better…

  • stuartl57
    February 28, 2015

    Deb – have a look at a book called “The One Thing” by Gary Keller – it might help you get your focus back … not sure about your mojo but it might help you with your focus

    • Debbish
      March 1, 2015

      Thanks Stuart! Off to Google it now.

      Deb

  • yinyangmother
    March 3, 2015

    I’m sure not sleeping isn’t helping you feel clear about where you want to go. But deleting your social media apps sounds like a good way to find more focus on yourself. Sounds like the exercise of taking stock has been good even if it reinforced your restlessness at the moment (at least you’ve got it written out in dot points). This middle-age reinvention gig is hard I reckon.

  • Jess
    March 4, 2015

    Hope once you clear your ear infection you are able to have a little time out and focus on a new direction. I hope it includes more time for writing, because you are a very entertaining writer! I can totally imagine how you feel, I worry all the time over everything.

    • Debbish
      March 5, 2015

      Thanks for the lovely compliment Jess and yes… I’m a worrier. Not as much as I once was and usually only at night when I’m trying to sleep! #argh

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