I recently had an online conversation with someone about a pair of shoes I’m coveting. I said my love for them was irrational and a friend queried why. I explained that I wasn’t really working at the moment and was poor (relatively speaking). Which meant I had to make sensible financial decisions.
I added the ‘relatively speaking’ because I tend to assume people know what I mean, but sometimes it’s important to be clear.
I’m prone to vague generalisations like that. I try to be clever or glib (plus I’m naturally lazy) so I throw words into my writing and conversations which aren’t entirely accurate.
Once upon a time I used to talk a lot about being ‘poor’.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve struggled. I grew up in a working class family and though my parents paid for my university education we didn’t have a lot of spare cash so I had minimal disposable income. When I first started working (and for many years after) I was occasionally pretty irresponsible with my money and regularly lived from pay packet to pay packet, often running out of cash just before payday.
Even later – after I’d bought property and was earning a good salary – I occasionally spent too freely and had to rein myself in. The early – mid 2000s was one such time. Sure I was in my 30s by then and on a pretty good wicket pay-wise but I also liked expensive clothes and was still in the pub / club going phase of my life. Once my mortgage payment had come out of my fortnightly salary the rest of it seemed to just disappear into the ether. I eventually reined in my spending and made some changes, but for a while I tried to remind myself that I needed to be careful.
“Deborah, you need to remember you’re poor!” I’d say to myself when I eyed off the latest Nicola Waite fashions.
It became my catch-cry.
“If I wasn’t poor, I’d….”
And then one day I was with my brother, SIL and niece. We were watching something on television – and it may have even been an ad for World Vision or similar. And there was a comment about people living in poverty.
“What’s that?” my young niece asked and someone explained it mean that these people didn’t have access to essential needs and that they were poor.
“Like Aunty Deb,” she said knowingly.
Gah!
Even though a dozen or more years have passed since that conversation I still remember how small I felt.
I’d spent nearly a decade of my life working in international development (in Africa, Cambodia, East Timor and the Pacific). I’d actually seen poverty and it was a long way from my inability to buy a $300 shirt.
I explained that I was kind-of joking when I said I was poor and I wasn’t really poor. That I was very lucky. Etcetera.
And now… so many years later I’m undoubtedly ‘poorer’ than I’ve been in a few decades. And again it’s relative. I have a very limited income and yet I drive a nice car and live in an apartment on the beach. I glibly say I’m poor because I can’t afford holidays or visits to the beautician or regular dinners out. Or clothes and shoes.
It’s a timely reminder however that we need to be careful with our words. We know they can be harmful, but they can also be misleading. Even accidentally!
Are you sometimes guilty of speaking glibly?
November 24, 2015
Great post! Yes it is relative 🙂 I’ll add another definition to it… I’m “Mom Poverty” my kids have everything they need and more… But I’m poor lol poorer than my “before kids life” 🙂
November 24, 2015
Oh yes, absolutely! I don’t have kids obviously but my mother had to go back to full-time work when both my brother and I went away to University!
November 24, 2015
Love this, so so true, we are no doubt always better off than someone else, but without wallow I think it’s ok to acknowledge when perhaps times are tougher than others.
November 24, 2015
Absolutely Mandy!
November 24, 2015
Great post! I was watching an Oprah interview recently and can’t remember who she was talking to but they let a family stay with them after there house was destroyed by natural disaster. The young son in the family commented how rich they were. And she said at first she was like no no we are not rich and then she realised actually she was. Love your niece’s comment kids crack me up!
November 24, 2015
I know… my niece was very certain in her acknowledgement that I was also poor like the kids on TV.
When I lived in East Timor I took some video footage during my travels and sent some cassettes home and my (then 4yr old) niece apparently had questions like… ‘Why are those people wearing rags?’ Kids are so honest and mostly understanding it’s a good opportunity to explain what it was like in some countries. (And because I was working in that industry her parents took the opportunity to sponsor a child her age to try to give her some sense of perspective.)
November 24, 2015
SInce I’ve had children I have been very careful with my words and how I describe things because they are so impressionable. Easy to slip though and kids will always pick you up on it.
November 24, 2015
Yes, very true!
November 24, 2015
I suspect that my entire post today about the mosquitos could possibly be regarded as being glib! So yes! Guilty as charged!!!! I love the way you outlined the three definitions of poverty. It made me giggle.
November 24, 2015
The first two were from a real presentation of some sort…. obviously I added the third – including my own definition!
November 24, 2015
You’re not alone in being glib Deb. I throw around the ‘poor’ word and many others where probably I shouldn’t. Love your poverty definitions! LOL
November 24, 2015
I think I’m pretty spot on with my own definition of poverty… I still find myself enviously looking at others (online) who go on hols, stay in hotels and visit beauticians! 😉
November 24, 2015
I love that word glib. You don’t hear it much. I used to live from pay to pay when I was in my early twenties but I had no clothes. I spent all my money on entertainment. I’ve never been into clothes and shoes really. Now I’m just a tight wad. This was a very heartfelt post and I love the message Deb.
November 24, 2015
Thanks Michelle.
November 24, 2015
It is amazing Deb how a few little words can have such an impact on the rest of your life.
November 24, 2015
Absolutely… and remember them a dozen years later!
November 24, 2015
Oh man, half the time I say such stupid shit I want to surgically have my feet removed so they stop ending up in my mouth. I say these stupid glib little jokes all the time and they often fall flat (awkward!) or I’m the only one laughing (more awkward!).
November 24, 2015
I do it in my informal writing (blogging) a lot Melissa and wonder later if everyone got that I was actually being sarcastic. Or ironic. Or just silly?!
November 24, 2015
Kids are so good at taking everything so literally and then repeating it back. I have to remind Trent all the time to watch what he says around bub because she takes everything literally even though he means things as a joke. I’m really sarcastic as well so we’ve both had to learn to watch how we talk around her. I’m sure our sarcasm will come back to bite us in the ass one day when she says something inappropriate in public. #teamIBOT
November 25, 2015
Ah yes most certainly Toni. Hopefully it won’t be something too embarrassing!
November 25, 2015
My whole life is a series of glibs Deb, I just put it down to my own dramaticness. I find that most Aussies get that I’m being ironic, but it’s super awkward when I’ve spoken to overseas blogging friends and they’ve taken what I’ve said quite literally. It’s embarrassing to have to explain that you’re being dramatic and not actually serious. I’ve had to learn to reign in talking shit basically. I love the term glib, I’ve actually never heard it before <3
November 25, 2015
Ha! It’s probably an old school term and I’m showing my age!!!
And yes I think most Aussie adults get sarcasm and irony and you’re right, I often have to think of how I word things if I know it’s a day I’m linking up with a lot of o/s blog readers!
November 25, 2015
Yes, I sure am and am definitely one to exaggerate. With little people at my feet most days, it’s important to be careful of what I say.
November 25, 2015
I can only imagine how difficult it must be – day in and day out!!!
November 25, 2015
I got caught out on this exact thing just the other day. I was asked if I was going to a presentation evening and said that I wouldn’t be because it was too expensive ($80 is too expensive in my books) and gave a bit of a sob story about how my business wasn’t going well this year. Bring out the violins. A little later the man who’d asked pulled me aside and offered to pay for my ticket. I really could have afforded it if I’d wanted to go but the truth is that I really didn’t and poverty was my excuse. I’m not poor. I’m just choosy about what I spend my resources on.
November 25, 2015
Oh yes… I absolutely get that!
December 1, 2015
Great post! I never heard of the word glib before. And indeed sometimes words can be misleading or you mean something different with them than somone else. I sometimes have communication accidents like that with my mom, because the way we talk is different and then I think she means one things while she means something different. It can get annoying when talking on social media, but in real life or on the phone we can usually correct and explain so it’s less an issue there.
I also think money is a very sensetive issue and poor is such a difficult word to explain. I don’t have a lot of money, but don’t like to mention it very often as often other people think I am exaggerating. Yes I do have a house and enough food and clothes, but very little money to spend beside that. So I’ve learned to be very choosy with my money and where I spend it on and if I buy books I think twice before deciding which book to buy.
December 1, 2015
The money thing is a difficult one for me too Lola. I’ve gone from being relatively financially healthy (albeit with a big mortgage etc) to struggling since my seachange. I’m lucky as I was able to buy my apartment outright (which in itself means I’m ‘richer’ than many) and I have a nice car, but the lack of regular work and my inability to real start my own writing business has meant I’ve been on unemployment benefits for a while… which don’t actually cover my basic expenses.
It’s incredibly humiliating in many ways and kinda ironic to drive up to the local office in my little (now ageing) Mercedes!