Social media – a one sided affair?

Friday, August 22, 2014 Permalink

I know quite a few bloggers and avid social media users.ย Many of whom I’ve met in real life or just know fairly well – virtually (through their blogs and social media shares). Unlike yours truly, most are paired up and it recently occurred to me that they’re members of a one-social media-user couple.

While their partners ‘may’ have a Facebook or Twitter account, it’s the blogger who’s the social media freak (using the word in the nicest possible way). They’ve often sharedย stories of how their partner shakes their head as they Instagram their food or live-tweet a TV show… whether it be the intellectually stimulating #QandA or the #ohmygodIrememberthat Puberty Blues.

While I’m sure the partners of bloggers occasionally get frustrated at the constant social sharing… they ‘get’ it and USUALLY there’s still a decent amount of in-person sharing and conversation.

Source: womenshealthmag.com

Source: womenshealthmag.com

It makes me wonder about the whole opposites-attract thing…. the fact that (more often than not), only one of the pair are avid users of social media. Or could it be that it’s more of a female thing, with male partners less interested in (over)sharing.

And while I’m pondering things of no real importance, I’ve recently noticed rare instances of couples who both spend a lot of time on social media. Both will tweet about a TV show or event. Separately. I find myself wondering if they’re both sitting in front of the TV or lying in bed not talking to each other but instead tweeting or Facebooking their thoughts.

I’ve been known to *ahem* overdo my social media sharing from time to time. When I was on Instagram it was about sharing something (food, an event or experience) with those who weren’t there. Facebook is a bit the same. When it comes to Twitter, because I live alone I often tweet my thoughts about something or provide fabulously hilarious (!) commentary about some important issue.

Which is why I don’t understand why some couples constantly tweet about the same things. Rather than just talk about them. Obvs they’re sharing their thoughts with a wider audience, but still…?

Am I alone in pondering this conundrum?ย 
Are you part of a one-person-social-media using couple? Do you think it’s a female thing?

Flogging my blog With Some Grace today.

34 Comments
  • Renee Wilson
    August 22, 2014

    Yes, I am part of a one person social media using couple. My husband doesn’t even have a Facebook account. He really doesn’t understand my obsession, but goes with it.

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      Yes… I think that’s the case with many of my friends!

  • Lydia C. Lee
    August 22, 2014

    I think there is a problem when sitting with each other but ‘chatting’ to others instead. I put my phone in the kitchen and stay off it once my partner gets home…because I’d rather those asides be made to him. But people see it differently. In Fahrenheit 451 Bradbury raises the issue of the loneliness caused by this false connectedness with celebrities etc…

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      Great approach! I had a local FB page and Twitter account when I first made my seachange but became obsessed with having to share stuff there and it meant I often didn’t enjoy events or time with friends as I felt this obligation to share with others instead. Ridiculous!

  • Jody at Six Little Hearts
    August 22, 2014

    Hmm, interesting.
    I am the only part of this couple who uses social media. Hubby doesn’t touch his account. Important observation – I didn’t realise it might be cultural.
    He does use a Playstation heavily – do you think the same rules apply?! Maybe he ‘confides’ his feelings in shoot-em-up games? I will truly never know!

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      No… He probably doesn’t let you play either… To keep his man-secrets! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Hugzilla
    August 22, 2014

    OMG yes. I’m pretty sure he thinks I am just dicking around on here a lot of the time (and he has said as much on occasion) but I keep telling him that social media is a really important personal networking tool, and as a way to develop my professional life too. He is starting to see that, but I still think he underestimates how much impact it has had on my life as a SAHM who has been able to build this life for herself as a freelancer and a blogger working from home. He still rolls his eyes when he sees me on Twitter. LOL.

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      Ah yes and some people may never get it unless they too become converts!

  • @Kanga_Rue
    August 22, 2014

    My ex dabbled in twitter but rarely accessed his Facebook account. We would sometimes watch TV, be discussing a show with each other and tweet to interact with our (sometimes very different) timelines.

    BigTed doesn’t get Twitter & barely uses Facebook, though he tolerates my use… So your theory looks sound ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      I know. I’m sure there’s a PhD in there….

  • Lee-Anne
    August 22, 2014

    Fascinating post, Deb. I think you’re probably dead right. When one in a couple prefer to ‘hang out’ on social media, checking notifications etc than quality time with partner, I think the writing is on the wall in the relationship. Maybe I’m wrong… It’s just all so addictive! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      Yes, wonder though if it only works if one partner’s the ‘user’ and not the other?!

  • Denise
    August 22, 2014

    I’ve often wondered this too Deb! I know a few couples like this, who post a lot on Facebook. I’m the social media-loving one in my relationship. My husband is not even on Facebook. He is bemused that I ‘know’ so many people online that I’ve never met in real life.

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      I know 2-3 couples I often see tweeting (almost in conversation) at night and I just hope they’re not sitting next to each other!

  • Amy @ HandbagMafia
    August 22, 2014

    My husband gets to hear all about what I’m posting right before I post it, the lucky thing ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      Oh good… You get the best of both worlds! ๐Ÿ™‚
      Deb

  • Nikki
    August 22, 2014

    This is interesting. I’m definitely the half of a couple who uses social media, Jake rarely ever does (probably because he has a major newspaper to air his opinions on!!). I will usually use social media when we AREN’T doing something together though. If I’m on the tram, or watching something as he is working away. I have a strict rule of “no social media / phones away” when I am with another person and that includes him. That said he always reads my social media, I guess it’s his way of keeping up to date with what I am doing. It doesn’t bother me really, because there isn’t anything much for me to hide and I’m surprised he doesn’t find it mostly boring!! I’m not sure how I feel about couples who spend their time together on social media – every relationship works differently, and if Public Tweets of Affection are what works for a particular couple, I’m not going to judge. We all have our ways of interacting with each other. That said, I really don’t understand how you could sit next to each other and tweet without interacting in person?! Who knows, maybe they do and all you see is the online part ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      True – hard to know I guess! And… You never know what’s happening behind closed doors or offline SM profiles. I just read a novel in which a person very publicly shared stuff which wasn’t *exactly* true!

  • Annaleis
    August 22, 2014

    My husband is on social media but doesn’t participate much unless its about the footy. But like I said over on Facebook he is a great stalker and watcher.

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      Oh yes. I joined my mum up on FB so she can follow what I do along with my bro, SIL and niece! She doesn’t really engage other than to ‘like’ things but it keeps her in the loop!

  • Pinky Poinker
    August 22, 2014

    Scotto and I sometimes sit listening to music, him Facebooking and me Tweeting. We try to outdo/amuse each other in the funny stakes. We’re both competitive like that. Mainly me ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      Ah yes… Am trying to picture it… The war of the SM updates! (Not the Roses!) #sorryoldmoviereference

  • EssentiallyJess
    August 22, 2014

    Boatman is pretty good. He has all the SM things though he doesn’t use much more than FB and IG. He does prefer actual conversation though.
    I think if I was on my own I would tweet a lot more. The only reason I don’t now is because I always have someone interrupting me. A terrible problem I know.

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      I have to say I’ve reduced my SM use a lot over the past year, but I do miss some of the engagement I once got from Twitter.

  • Jo Tracey
    August 22, 2014

    My hubby HATES social media…does not see the point at all. He tolerates instagram, sort of gets twitter, but gets seriously peeved at my checkins on Facebook.

    • Debbish
      August 22, 2014

      I don’t know a lot of guys who are SM freaks unless it’s business-related or they’re in the tech / online industry.

  • Jess
    August 22, 2014

    So spot on! My husband has facebook and definitely spends a lot of time online, but I am way more I to social media. That said I actually have no clue what he is doing online so I guess I am just making assumptions. I would never hear the end of it if I was instagraming pictures of food he can’t stand it when he sees people photographing their meals.

    • Debbish
      August 23, 2014

      Ha! It seems to be a sore-point – taking photos of food. Even with friends. I don’t do it much anymore but most of my friends are used to it, though some roll their eyes!

  • Shellleyrae
    August 22, 2014

    I wouldn’t say I’m a heavy social media user though I use Facebook and Twitter regularly. My husband doesn’t have a Facebook account, and has no clue what Twitter or Instagram even is. He is just not interested.

    • Debbish
      August 23, 2014

      I do wonder if it is a guy thing…. ?!

  • Bec @ The Plumbette
    August 23, 2014

    Yes I relate to this! My husband has an account but doesn’t use it, but I’m on social media all the time because of my blog. Sometimes when he is at work one of his work colleagues will tell Him how my day is because I’ve updated by blog Facebook page. Usually I download to him when he gets home from work, but he rings me during the day if he finds out I’m having a bad day.

    • Debbish
      August 23, 2014

      Yes, two of my Twitter accounts are mostly about my blog – bizarrely I use my third (local) Twitter account more. I follow lots of journalists and social commentators as well as local people so get a lot of news that way. My debbish and schmiet Twitter accounts are more about the blog(s).

  • Sarah from Creating Contentment
    August 23, 2014

    I find I tend to share more when my Husband isn’t around. He is my first choice to share all my strange thoughts with. And my back up is Facebook.

    • Debbish
      August 24, 2014

      I have to admit, mine is probably Twitter. I now only have a personal FB account and worry a bit about old school friends and former colleagues reading my rants! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Perhaps I need to unhide my blog FB page! (More venting opportunities!)

      Deb

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