Until my father became sick and passed away last October, I thought the saddest thing I would experience last year would be a Remembrance ceremony I attended with my family in June. Similar events are held annually around the country to acknowledge organ and tissue donors and recipients.
In the post I wrote afterwards I confessed to bawling through the entire thing. To this day I cannot listen to Wendy Matthews’ The Day You Went Away without crying. All recent Dad-related stuff aside.
I didn’t expect to find it that sad. But, from the moment I arrived EVERYTHING about the event evoked much emotion.
I take on others’ feelings. It’s one of my weaknesses. I feel bad when characters do embarrassing things on TV. I worry about how others’ react to certain things. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m an overly considerate person… just that I soak up emotion from those around me.
The ceremony last June was distressing from the moment we arrived. In my previous post I talked about some of the people we saw. I literally absorbed their intensity and the collective trauma was palpable. Sure, the ceremony’s about celebrating new life, renewed life and the generous gifts of others, but it’s also about loss. Lost opportunities, lost potential and lost loved ones.
Well, it’s that time again.
This year will be even more fraught (for me – and quite frankly, it’s all about me, isn’t it?!) since Dad’s passing. I want to go to acknowledge the generous gift he (and we) received, but it will be a stark reminder that he’s no longer with us – something I try not think about….