I have been listening to Mark Manson’s posts quite a bit lately. (I like that his site has an audio option, so you can listen to them, rather than just read them.) I keep coming back to one or two; about purpose, values and passion. I suspect this is because I’m currently wading my way through my own existential crisis of sorts so wondering what others have to say about it.
For example, I particularly like this post from No Sidebar, which reminds us that our passion is not necessarily our purpose. And vice versa.
Anyone who knows me would pretty much be able to guess my passions: writing, reading, TV. So words and stories. The article’s author Jay Harrington talks about clients who area trying to reignite or find their passion and struggling. He notes:
What we come to realize, together, is what they’re really seeking is purpose.
He suggests, “purpose is what keeps us motivated and gives us the energy to push forward. Purpose is what gives us direction and gets us reoriented when we get off-track. Purpose makes us resilient and enables us to embrace life’s challenges.”
In my case… purpose would give me a bloody reason to get out of bed each day, in the absence of Vanilla Diet Coke. (I still miss it and Vanilla No Sugar Coke is NOT the same!)
Anyhoo, he gives examples of how we can identify that purpose in others and I certainly know people who – despite other commitments and challenges – carve out time to follow their passion. Perhaps because I realise, they see it as their purpose (though in a non-wanky ‘saving the world’ way).
Harrington talks about the fact that almost every single moment we have the opportunity to make a decision. The proverbial fork in the road. Of course it could be chicken vs steak for dinner; but it could also be: apply for this job, or don’t. In my case.
He talks about the inevitable regret many of us feel about past decisions or actions, but also reminds us it’s NEVER too late to stop and re-evaluate our life’s purpose and goals.
Similarly Mark Manson’s Seven Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life’s Purpose offers up some suggestions in his typical irreverent style. I won’t include them all here but examples include:
WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR OF SHIT SANDWICH AND DOES IT COME WITH AN OLIVE?
Essentially how much crap are we willing to deal with or put ourselves through to achieve something? For me, am I prepared to sacrifice financial security to pursue writing; or am I prepared to sacrifice freedom / creativity to be financially secure and get stuff done around the house / travel etc? (Or you know… pay the mortgage!)
WHAT MAKES YOU FORGET TO EAT AND POOP?
This speaks a little to our passion. What makes us lose track of time? For me, you guessed it: reading and writing.
HOW CAN YOU BETTER EMBARRASS YOURSELF?
He’s speaking about vulnerability here and the need to sometimes fail before we succeed. I suspect this is a stumbling block for me with my writing. Or most stuff really!
GUN TO YOUR HEAD, IF YOU HAD TO LEAVE THE HOUSE ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, WHERE WOULD YOU GO AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
A biggie for me, as he talks about us being complacent and happy to sit on the sofa all day eating Doritos. This is where the rubber meets the road on the purpose vs passion thing. If we could do anything we wanted – what would we do? I’d normally say ‘write’ but I’ve had shitloads of time lately and done little of it.
Obviously there are more questions, but I’d recommend you read / listen to the article yourself as there’s something brazenly addictive about Manson’s writing and words.
This kinda leads me back to my question about purpose and fact that – though I can clearly identify my passions – I cannot translate them into my purpose: for living. For waking each day and getting out of bed. For making the clear decision to forsake well-paid (or even PAYING) jobs to do what it is I say I MOST want to do.
What makes you forget to eat and poop?
Do you think passion follows purpose or vice versa? Do they mean the same thing to you?
** Linking up with the ‘Lovin Life Linky gang today **
April 4, 2019
Those are some interesting questions to ask yourself! I am not sure I could answer them … at least not straight away. They’d require some thought I think. I might have to pop over and have a read or listen to Mark. I am struggling lately. I feel that I’m wasting away my days and should have a stronger purpose and should be doing something more meaningful and productive and so on and blah blah. Hope something good comes from the job applications you’ve done recently! #TeamLovinLife
April 4, 2019
I think part of my struggle is because of the job applications – because I’m having to decide whether to apply for full-time (albeit temporary) gigs or wait and try to find something casual or part-time. On one hand it feels like I’m keeping my options open but on the other it feels like I’m making a conscious decision that I’m not ready to pursue the riskier path yet. I feel like I’m just going round and around in circles on this though.
April 4, 2019
I mentioned elsewhere I had read this earlier and was trying to formulate some response to you. I read some of what you say here (and at other times) as Black and White, Yes or No, Job or No Job. I used to do that and have learned that there is so much grey or in between that may there are little ventures you could take from leaving Yes and going outside of it not into the No but somewhere in between. I am not sure that makes sense but I know that when I stop having absolutes and consider dipping my toes into what might challenge me or I might enjoy, then indeed I will be more likely to try more. I know you are doing a LOT of thinking and I wonder, as my husband says to me, how much feeling you are allowing in. You see, until I learned (the hard way and still find it a challenge) to accept the not great feelings of anxiety or worry and just sit with them and give them less attention then I remain stuck. My versions of self-help are more about information seeking and being able to apply it to me. The works of Brene Brown, Jack Kornfield, Pema Chodron and Tara Brach have helped me see that nothing is permanent nor is anything a forever choice. More to consider maybe? I hope you are OK. I do think about you a bit and sure do wish we could chat a bit! Denyse x
April 5, 2019
Oh yes Denyse I relate to the thinking vs feeling thing. (And I think that’s where I struggle with my values.) I know what my heart wants to do though am not sure it’s an option – financially etc… And I’m sure many people have the same quandary but sometimes I think there has to be some positive trade-off for having to have remained single and childless. I’m not responsible to anyone really (well, my mum, but you know what I mean) so have more freedom than most to follow my heart.
April 4, 2019
I think what makes us get out bed on a morning is different at different times and sometimes it’s ok not to feel inspired if you are getting something out of life overall. I am so bored with work right now, even though freelancing is what I want to do. I think about why and the answer is none of my projects are inspiring. However, they allow me to do the school run and take school holidays off so I have decided to be ok with that. Not sure if that makes sense. Maybe writing is no longer what your purpose is, maybe it’s paying the mortgage. If it is, then that should be alright I think.
April 5, 2019
I think perhaps if I knew there was something part-time or casual waiting in the wings / coming up I’d be more zen about the idea of pursuing the creative stuff – knowing I’d still be able to pay my bills. It’d mean I couldn’t get my verandah redone or travel overseas but I’d have the freedom I crave. I’ve applied for a couple of things locally but just haven’t found any options yet.
I like your comment about ‘deciding to be okay with that’ Emma cos I think that is half of the battle. Acceptance.
April 8, 2019
I need to read the post you’ve linked from No Sidebar but I do remember reading Manson’s post on screw your passion {or something like that}. So I just finished reading a book by a psychiatrist on death anxiety as recommended by my supervisor to be read in a professional sense but I think it spoke to me personally too. It’s called Staring at the sun: overcoming the terror of death by Irvin Yalom. He also wrote a book on existential psychotherapy and he basically states our existential questions are all because of fear of our own mortality and short time on this earth. One of the questions he asks his clients is about regret. What things do you regret but more importantly, what things will you regret in the next 5 years and how can you ensure you don’t. Or some thing along those lines. I have highlighted quotes and happy to share with you but I’m also thinking there must be stuff by him online as well.
April 8, 2019
Oh I forgot to add – I think our passion doesn’t necessarily have to translate into purpose or vice versa. I think purpose for me is something that gives meaning to life and that is definitely helping people. At this point, my passions such as writing don’t contribute to that but I am hoping in time, I can do something around that -I don’t know if that makes sense.
April 9, 2019
Completely cos I’m with you. Purpose has always felt like some higher ‘calling’ or ‘meaning’ to life. Our legacy or something. I think what the No Sidebar post was about was implying that often our purpose (if we have one) can become our passion, but perhaps not vice versa. I think.
The thing that spoke to me was more about viewing ‘purpose’ as direction rather than about a higher purpose that impacts on others’ lives. Basically the whole ‘why we get out of bed each day’ question. I suspect that can change over time, depending on your priorities at the time. (Argh… head hurts from too much thinking!)
April 9, 2019
I’ll have a look Sanch but the mortality thing is something I’m feeling more and more confronted by. I’m kinda assuming I won’t have a long life and so time really does feel like it’s running out for me. And I really don’t want to have those regrets!!!