I had great plans to blog more regularly. To write more personal posts here, rather than just book reviews. But it feels everything I contemplate is emotionally treacherous and would require a lot self-reflection. Added to that, most would be for my benefit… cos I need to get stuff out of my head or ponder it more and I’m not sure that would offer entertaining reading.
So, because I’m not in the mood to delve into the recesses of my mind and ponder why I believe myself to be unloveable and unworthy despite my lack of childhood trauma, I thought I’d do an October 2020 check-in post of sorts.
Welcome to the random thoughts that are my mind.
Despite the angst about my postgraduate writing study, I’ve enrolled in two subjects for the summer semester. I know I know…. I vowed I wouldn’t, but… I’m unemployed and directionless so need to feel some sense of purpose. I’m hoping both subjects are interesting. One is feature writing (so writing pieces for publications – which I would LOVE to do in real life); and other is a fiction-writing subject.
Because of that, I’ve signed up to do NaNoWriMo – National Novel Writing Month, in which you’re (ideally) supposed to write 50,000 words of a novel. I ‘won’ (ie. succeeded) in 2014 and have done SFA with that draft… although did base a book proposal on it for a publishing subject at Uni. If you’re writing this year, find me there and buddy up to keep me accountable – I’m debbish28.
I continue to feel an irrational sense of overwhelm re stuff I need to do around the house. Sometimes it’s just cleaning as I look at my dirty floors and windows. Other times it’s bigger projects like replacing the curtains I inherited when I bought the place four years ago. Some are seriously so musty and mouldy it’s revolting. I’ve also got a rotting outdoor staircase railing and need desperately need to patch some gaps between my tiles and the walls to stop the pesky flow of ants inside.
For those who don’t know I’m ridiculously ant phobic. Not scared of them. I just hate the fuckers. When returning from my hospital trip recently I commented that most people worry they might have been burgled while away. My biggest fear is that there will be ants everywhere. Bastards. I’ve got my annual pest control next week but those ants are shifty buggers.
In less (ahem) quirky news, I’m hoping this week is the first week I make it to all three of the exercise classes I’ve recently started. They’re fairly low-key but I think my heart stuff has settled and I’m less tired (breathless and sleepy) so have no excuse. Certainly my Fitbit suggests my resting heart rate has improved a lot since my surgery earlier this month. Not to mention the drugs I’m on to lower it… *shrugs*
Finally I’m not reading much but watching an inordinate amount of television. I’ve signed up to Amazon Prime and there are so many things to catch up on. I’ve only had it a week and watched the first seasons of The Boys, Jack Ryan and Good Omens already!
Anything exciting happening in your part of the world?
October 29, 2020
Deb, Glad to hear your heart has settled and you’re feeling better. I’ve heard about NaNoWriMo. I’m more interested in reading than writing so no NaNoWriMo for me atm. Easy way out, I know, LOL. Have fun with your courses and writing! #lovin’lifelinky
October 29, 2020
Thanks Natalie. I’m hoping signing up motivates me to actually do some writing. I think the secret is being organised. I often start November with no novel in mind so waste days trying to think of something and then just give up!
October 29, 2020
I think it’s fabulous you’re continuing the study. I’ve never done NaNoWriMo but admire those that do it. I’m not sure I could come up with an idea in the first place. If I had an idea that had barrage of thoughts and ideas that came with it, then I’d consider it! I know the overwhelm you feel at times, I get it too – with regard to stuff that needs doing around the house etc Sigh. Onwards and upwards! xo
October 29, 2020
I think if I could afford to outsource everything to do with the house I’d just do it and once upon a time I could do that, but I’m more conscious of money at the moment so trying to do as much as I can myself. Of course I can’t sew so need ready-made curtains. And last time I used Selly’s No More Gaps to plug up holes around room edges I made a terrible mess. But as long as the gap gets filled… right?
October 29, 2020
Hi Deb – it’s frustrating when life isn’t unfolding in the way we expected it to isn’t it? I think sometimes it requires a big re-think and allowing things to be less than what we’d hoped for – but still pretty darn good in the grand scheme of things. I’m also finding that tackling one small chore and ticking it off means it’s more likely to get done than planning big projects. Good luck with the ants and the curtains – maybe you could ask for curtains for Christmas from the family?
October 29, 2020
I think the family is coming here for Christmas so I’d like to have the curtains before then. My mum told me she’d like to buy me some clothes for bday/Xmas as I really only wear tshirts around all of the time, but I’m thinking of asking her for a letterbox.
October 29, 2020
Oh Deb, I for one am glad you are catching us up! Go you on the study and the writing. I got a bit of study envy recently then remembered ….NO! Because no reason and I have done quite a lot in my life. I so hope you may get some benefit from your recent heart thingies…Now, about the ants. Some mongrels cannot be pest controlled. I hope yours can. Nothing more to say, you are phobic enough.
I hope you take up your mum’s offer. YOU need to wear something else other than t shirts (sounding like Mum I know) …and a letter box just won’t do.
Denyse
October 30, 2020
I’m already looking forward to this semester’s subjects. Or I guess having something to focus on and some sense of purpose. Of course the flipside is that it isn’t cheap (though am deferring fees) and I’m not sure it’ll ultimately help job-wise. Though it will be nice to have some more current qualifications given my degree and MBA as sooooo old now.
October 29, 2020
Amazon Prime! More than a year on and it’s still going strong for me.
I hate ants too. Really hate them.
October 30, 2020
Yes! Thank you so much for the suggestion Theresa. After you mentioned the price I went and checked (and they’re offering a one-month free trial) and signed up immediately. I must admit I actually also like the user interface a bit more than Netflix!
October 30, 2020
Same!
October 30, 2020
I hate ants too. Absolutely loathe them! I mix equal parts borax and honey and put a big drop on a piece of wax paper. The ants crowd around by the hundreds. I have to resist killing them then, but if I don’t they take the honey back to their nest and feed it to the queen and all the other ants. They all wind up dying. So satisfying! Mwahaha!!!
October 30, 2020
I think that’s how the Ant Rid I buy works as well. And yes I’m the same. I really want to just spray the suckers and kill them when I see them but know they’re supposed to return to the nest to infiltrate the rest of their crew!
I get really phobic. Once I’ve seen them I constantly feel like I’ve got an ant on me or keep thinking any tickle I feel is an ant!
October 30, 2020
My sister is the same with ants- she can smell them from a mile away!!! And also I feel your tv “pain” I h ent read much at all as well as I binge watch Netflix- need to detox very soon!
November 5, 2020
Once I know they’re there I tend to keep thinking I feel them. If something rubs against my skin I feel paranoid it’s an ant crawling on me.