Not a traveller

Thursday, October 12, 2017 Permalink

It recently occurred to me that there are two types of people in the world. Those who hate pockets in dresses or trousers. And insane people who seem to like having additional width added to their girth. Yes, really.

I suspect the pocket thing is an even hotter topic than the one I’m broaching today… but this post isn’t about pockets. It’s about travel. And a thought that jumped into my head the other day.

I’m not the sort of person who travels. I’m not a traveller.

It’s because I decided to do something on my bucket list. Not my #5before50 list which is pathetically wallowing with one-fifth complete. But my whole-of-life bucket list. I blame movies like A Room With a View and Stealing Beauty and similar, but I’ve always wanted to go to Italy. Or more specifically Tuscany.

My mother’s aware of this so I’m not sharing any macabre secrets when I say that my plan has been to take off after she passes away. Perhaps for a while. It’s not something I’m pining to do. It’s more something that I think I’ll ‘need’ because I will then be untethered. So – at least for the past 5 or so years – when I talk about Italy and my bucket list, that’s what I talk about, which is why I’m never publicly specific about when I’ll go. (As it could be in 20+ years time. I certainly hope so!)

Before that it was just some dream I had… one of those things I hoped to do…. one day.

Until my NZ trip to see my bestie last December I hadn’t been overseas for 14 years. And I hadn’t missed it at all. In fact, my ‘travel’ is kinda limited to a pretty brief period of time (between 1995 – 2002) during which I worked in international development. That involved working in Mozambique (a brief trip to Portugual to study Portuguese for 6wks) and some travel around south eastern Africa, Cambodia (some travel to nearby countries), Fiji, East Timor, Indonesia, Solomon Islands and Samoa.

It’s been easy to the use ‘I can’t afford it’ excuse as a reason not to travel overseas. I’ve had (and continue to have) a mortgage, which surely takes precedence over travel. I’ve had bills to pay. And – in more recent years – I’ve only worked part time.

But in reality, it occurs to me, it’s because it’s not been a priority.

I’m not the sort of person who travels. Or least, I’m not the sort of person who really wants to.

not a traveller

Umm… I’d rather have a house that feels like home.

I suspect this is ingrained (perhaps some weird combo of genetics and learned behaviour). My parents didn’t travel. All of our childhood holidays were to either set of grandparents or other relatives. Any other trips away or stays in motels were for sport.

My mother’s barely been out of Queensland and my parents have had one trip overseas (to NZ to visit my SIL’s family) in 1995. Even now, my mum’s friends are going on cruises or train trips and invite her. She says no. She’s really not at all interested she tells me.

And I ‘get’ that. Even when I had more money I rarely went ‘away’ for holidays. It was enough to have a break from work. I was happy to stay in my nice Brisbane apartment or visit mum and dad and so forth. And if I did go away it would have been to a nearby beachside involving minimal logistics.

My mother will probably feel bad that she and my dad have passed on their meh-ness towards a travelling life or antipathy towards travel. But it’s actually okay. It’s kinda who I am. Like sarcastic and astoundingly clever. 🙂

However, my recent posts about ‘putting life off’ and waiting caused me to ponder something I’d seen. Vanessa Carnevale, an author I like and have now met a few times is hosting a writing retreat in Tuscany next September. It’s around the end of the contract for my new full time job. And so, it felt a bit like the stars and planets were aligning in some way.

not a traveller

I tagged my mother on the Facebook post I shared about the retreat, indicating I wanted her opinion. “Was it frivolous?” I wondered. “Irresponsible?”

Of course it occurred to me that people travel overseas all of the time. And I tend to envy them. I don’t necessarily want to go, but I envy the fact they’ve gone.

I’m not the sort of person who travels. I’m not a traveller.

It seemed naughty or wrong or frivolous. Out of character at least. I have a mortgage. I need to get stuff fixed around my house. And did I mention my mortgage?

But…  it’s done. My deposit is paid. Obviously as I’ve not travelled to Europe (other than Portugal in 1995) I’ll need to do some planning and hoping I can afford a month or so away in total. I’m kinda tempted to pre-book packages but it occurs to me that I know so many people who’ve travelled that I can get advice and tips from friends. (Perhaps I need to set up a ‘Europe holiday advice to Deb’ Facebook page!

Obviously it’s a loooong way off so there’s no point in getting too excited but suspect I need to firm up some plans and book flights etc. Sometime soon.

Are you a traveller?

The Lovin’ Life team includes:

50 Shades of Age | Seize the Day Project | And Anyways | Write of the Middle | Deep Fried Fruit.

44 Comments
  • Anne Downing
    October 12, 2017

    I am a traveller, I always have itchy feet! I would love to take the kids around Australia.

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      One of the things on my ‘5 before 50’ list was a road trip but I’ve done nothing about that so far. I’ve not seen a lot of the country – a fair bit of Qld and capitals down the Eastern side as well as the NT. I haven’t been to WA or SA though.

  • budgettraveltalk
    October 12, 2017

    Hi Deb. Love that you’re going on a writer’s retreat IN TUSCANY! Maybe the retreat organiser will have side trips organised? Hiring a car is great if you think you would be OK driving on the other side of the road. 🙂

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      Yep, there’s a trip to Siena and wine tasting from memory Jan. I kind of know I want to do Cinque Terre and perhaps Sorrento while in Italy. (Brief trip to Rome to do the tourist things cos I’m a crappy tourist / sightseer!) And possibly the UK (England), though not London.

  • Jess
    October 12, 2017

    How exciting! I used to be a traveller “pre-kids”, because I liked the thrill of doing it all on my own, meeting new people and just getting out of my life. I think I also was always in search of “happiness” or some idyllic existence. Now I can’t really ever afford to go, although I am hoping to take the kids on a trip next year. I feel more bogged down by the logistics and organisational aspects of it all, compared to pre kids when logistics were a last minute after thought.

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      I think something that occurred to me years ago was that I was still ‘me’ no matter where I was and it meant I couldn’t escape my problems. I once moved around a lot and must admit – I recall, when I lived in Mozambique for about 16mths in 1995 I could NOT imagine coming back to Australia. I think, had my niece not been born around that time I would have stayed away longer / more.

      But, in the end I craved normality. Of course I always lived and worked in developing countries, perhaps it would have been different if I’d been in the US / UK / France etc…

      And yes, I think starting kids on travel when they’re young is probably a good thing and probably instills a confidence in travel that’s harder to get later.

  • Sydney Shop Girl
    October 12, 2017

    So exciting! I’m a reborn traveller. Never used to see the appeal but that’s changed now for sure!

    SSG xxx

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      Perhaps I’ll get like that, though I’m not sure I loved it when I was doing it more regularly….

  • Ness
    October 12, 2017

    Oh how exciting for you! Sounds like the perfect fit for you.

    No, I’m not a big traveller. I suspect it’s because of my ASD and anxiety issues so being out of my familiar environment is daunting for me. Having said that, I still need to push myself out of my comfort zone and go. There are places I’d like to see… Having kids and not enough $ is a barrier atm too… Oh well, maybe one day!

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      Ah yes, you’ve reminded me that next week’s post will be a follow up to this and be about my ‘style’ of travel. It’s something I heard Kelly Exeter talk about on her ‘Let It Be’ podcast with Brooke and it really resonated!!!

      I suspect I’d be slack if I had kids (re travel). I just read Anne’s (Let Me Be Free) blog post about farm stay with their kids and realised it’s a great opportunity. And certainly I shouldn’t complain and don’t mean to as I spent most of my childhood holidays either on Fraser Island (or in my current hometown of Hervey Bay) or in far western Qld so saw parts of the state others missed out on. Both of my parents were very devoted to ‘family’ so our holidays were all about spending time with their parents and us.

  • kathymarris
    October 12, 2017

    Am I a traveller? Lol. You bet I am! Deb I’m so happy that you’ve taken the plunge and that you’re off to Tuscany. You won’t be disappointed, it is the most heavenly place on earth.

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      I’ll certainly be looking to you for some pointers for my trip Kathy!

  • Vanessa
    October 12, 2017

    Firstly, you know pockets are handy when traveling, right? 🙂

    Secondly, I sincerly hope that my “all Vanessa’s are awesome so you should go” played into the decision making 🙂

    I grew up living all over the place and the hardest part of adulthood for me has been the complete lack of ability to travel. It sucks.

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      I have to admit – after travelling a lot for a period of time, even work-related interstate / intrastate travel used to feel like a huge chore Vanessa. I’d usually only be going for a night but it felt like this HUGE thing and I’d dread it.

  • Kooky Chic
    October 12, 2017

    HOW FANTASTIC! Am so excited for you.

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      I know!!!! It just seemed to pop up at the perfect time. I love Vanessa and the retreat looks to have a good balance between free time and creative / writing blocks and I love that someone’s organised the accommodation, meals etc for that week. Many years ago (17!) I poured over brochures of ‘villas’ etc looking at options in Tuscany and as a single person it was so expensive as everything suited couples and groups.

  • Jodie
    October 12, 2017

    I love the idea of travelling, and we’ve done our fair share. But to tell you the truth, we like home even more. Not that we won’t go more places, and we will have fun when we go, but it’s not my “have to or I’ll die thing” (at least not like getting a pair of red boots…LOL)
    XOXO
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    ps….my mom hates pockets and removes them all the time!!

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      I ‘want’ to do this trip but feel a bit like I’ve had to force myself into it. In reality I think I’d be happy (long term) if I didn’t have to work, in my comfy house and perhaps with enough money to splurge on a weekend in a hotel or resort (in the mountains or by the sea) every so often.

  • writeofthemiddle
    October 12, 2017

    Wow! How exciting! I’d love to go to Tuscany in Italy too. I’ve not been much of a traveller – due to expense, responsibilities, no time etc. I want to be more of a traveller now though. I’m not sure if I’d cope well in harsh conditions though. I’m a bit of princess I think! LOL #TeamLovinLife

    • Debbish
      October 12, 2017

      I’d never do the backpacker thing now. In fact, I never really did it. I did skimp a bit and stay in a few backpacker places when I travelled while living as a volunteer in Mozambique and Cambodia but think I decided then I didn’t want to do Europe as a backpacker.

  • Jo
    October 12, 2017

    I absolutely am a traveller – & I also love hearing about other people’s trips…& trip planning. I’m so excited for you re this one. It will be fabulous. Decent time in Tuscany is a bucket list item for me too.

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      I notice Vanessa’s announced a second week / retreat. I wondered about staying on for another week…. but probably should see other things! 🙂

  • leannelc
    October 12, 2017

    I’m not a big fan of travelling – I hate airports, and security, and sitting on planes for huge chunks of time, and aeroplane food, and jet lag, and my ankles swell, and the list goes on. BUT I love it once I’m there and your retreat sounds like it would be worth the hassle of travelling to have the experience of it all – I’m sure you’ll have a great time.

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      I’m the same with the logistics side of things Leanne. Even when I travelled internationally a lot (when I lived in East Timor I was in and out of Australia all of the time for example) I kinda laughed at those who stressed about the paperwork and departure cards and so forth, but know that – when it’s new / unusual for me I’m exactly the same.

  • unclutteryouruniverse
    October 12, 2017

    As far back as I can remember, I’ve always loved to travel to different places. Circumstances have not allowed for oversea’s travel for a long while, but given the opportunity I would be off. I love the excitement of planning a trip to another city or town, even when it’s only a day’s drive from home. I’m a big fan of travel books, especially those about France and Italy. I’m sure you will have a fantastic time Deb and I look forward to you sharing your experiences.

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      I’m yet to decide if I’ll travel to France while there. I’m conscious this could be my one and only trip to Europe so really need to work out what I want to do / see. I’ve kinda got very specific ideas but I’m a walking cliche – much of what I want to do reflects what I’ve seen in pics or on TV.

  • Emma
    October 12, 2017

    I love to travel – inside or outside the country – and, as soon as one holiday is over I’m planning for the next one. I think I expect it as we started going abroad when I was 11 at least once a year and I lived abroad for 12 years too so was used to travelling back and forth to the UK. I’m not sure if it’s got much to do with how I was “raised” though as I have friends whose parents have travelled the world and now spend their holidays camping in the Dales and friends who are never home. I guess you just have the “itch” or not.

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      It’s funny Emma as I’m thinking I’ll head to England, though very ‘meh’ about London. I’d much prefer to see places I see on Escape To The Country, or little fishing villages like in Ballykissangel. (Which I realise was Irish!)

      I’m a walking cliche!

  • seizetheday20
    October 12, 2017

    I’m definitely a traveller, but my family responsibilities severely limit my ability to indulge this passion. If you do decide you really want to go to Italy, I’m sure you’ll love it. As you know, it’s one of my favourite places. My bestie and I are going back in 2019, and we’ll be spending a week in Tuscany. All it takes is a decision and a plan 🙂 #TeamLovinLife

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      Ah yes, and the decision for me was out of the blue and made very quickly in the end. It was more of a ‘why not?’ scenario. I tend to always take the safe route so would keep putting the trip off forever and just never do it otherwise as there would always be a reason why it didn’t suit or I couldn’t afford it.

  • Sanch @ Sanch Writes
    October 12, 2017

    I’m 50-50…I like to travel but not for too long as I love being home and having my routine. I would still love to travel around Australia but only a couple of places overseas appeal to me. My last trip was in 2015 and t was a big one to Canada and the US. And it was expensive! Like you, I have a mortgage {alone} and so it tends to take priority.

    The writer’s retreat sounds amazing. I think I’d love to combine travel with a writing trip…might make it more worthwhile.

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      I’m the same Sanch re o/s travel. I have no desire at all to visit the US. And the only reason I’d head in that direction would be to head to Alaska. Perhaps. As for Europe I’ve only ever really wanted to go to Italy (well, Tuscany) and small villages in the UK.

  • Kate W
    October 12, 2017

    Deb, that’s so exciting.

    I am a traveller (although $$ is always a constraint!) but I do find that much of the pleasure is in the planning and anticipating (which all can be done from the comfort of your home!). In fact, I’ve had one trip in the last few years that I didn’t have time to research before I went and honestly, it simply wasn’t as fun as the others. Enjoy the planning!

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      I have to admit to having done minimal planning in the past. When in Cambodia a friend and I headed to Singapore and Malaysia on a brief jaunt and a coup de tat meant I left the country quickly and had a week in Vietnam – completely unplanned. When in Africa I had friends visit and we did some travelling but I’m fairly sure we didn’t even book accommodation in advance or anything! Most of my other travel was for work, so touristy stuff was limited.

      I was checking out flights the other day and some had cheapish prices but I realised I needed to work out a return date before I did anything (which requires me to work out vaguely what I want to do: 4wks / 6wks etc). I don’t really want to have to be killing time somewhere waiting for pre-booked flights home.

  • Michelle W (@pinkypoinker)
    October 12, 2017

    I love the romantic idea of travel and my favourite movie is Under the Tuscan Sun, BUT I hate travelling more than anything in life. It’s dreadful I love my home. I’m a creature of habit. I have travelled to Europe, Asia and USA but the best part was coming home. Living out of suitcases is too disruptive to my sensibility.

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      Yes yes yes! I think that’s it for me and I probably would have been happy to just keep this on my bucket list and talk about it constantly. I’m all for the comfort and familiarity of home so can understand and yes – living out of a suitcase gets old very quickly.

  • Janine K
    October 12, 2017

    Deb gomfor it. Vanessa is such a lovely person and I’m sure you will get lots out of it in more ways than just writing. I’m not a writer, I wish there were similar events for readers

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      There may well be Janine. I know I’ve seen ‘tours’ offered of famous authors houses and lives and such but I suspect they’re just brief things on offer. I know of some European book bloggers who travel to the US each year for the Romance Writers/Readers of America conference – which I think is for readers as much as writers. Perhaps if there is a crime fiction equivalent I could be tempted…

  • Virtually All Sorts (@AllSortsHere)
    October 13, 2017

    I’m mostly in agreement on this one. I tend to be a cosy-up home bird but occasionally do get a yearning to go wandering. I’ve never really ‘got’ people who have that wanderlust thing going on to be honest. I will always encourage our 7 year old to see places though, but she’s a home girl too and can’t see it happening. Thanks for linking up to #HighlightsofHappy!

    • Debbish
      October 13, 2017

      It’s actually been interesting as I thought everyone would tell me I’m insane but I’m surprised at how many people don’t really yearn to travel!

  • Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
    October 14, 2017

    I’m a traveller. Whether it be to the coast, to Sydney, to Goulburn …. or to Queensland … Hawaii, New York, Aruba … if I can get there, I’ll go. I just love “escaping”. But I also love “experiencing”. I could give up all of my stuff and swap it for experiences instead. Well, maybe not all my stuff ….
    Italy is on my list! It’s just not on my hubbies. But that is how I plan to celebrate my 50th … in Italy. And Greece. And the UK. And Paris. Not sure how we’ll pay for it. Sell the house and all my stuff? #teamlovinlife

    • Debbish
      October 14, 2017

      Nah… the travelling part of it really doesn’t appeal to me. I had an interesting conversation about it at dinner last night – the concept of holidays vs travel. I’ve already started another post on it!

  • jjalki06
    October 14, 2017

    You will have an amazing time in Italy and you will not regret it one little bit!

    • Debbish
      October 15, 2017

      I’m sure I won’t! (Reason enough to do it!)

I'd love to hear your thoughts