Last week I wrote about the overwhelm I was experiencing. I commented on the guilt I felt for being so exhausted when I was in such a position of privilege. Even saying “I want the world to pause so I can get off for a bit,” reeks of middle-aged white-personism.
A lot of messaging suggests we avoid social media, news or negativity… to preserve our own mental health. Our sanity.
It’s been a big year (or three). A lot of bad shit has gone down, some preventable. Some not.
Firstly bushfires and people losing their livelihoods. Then the coronavirus and people fighting over toilet paper and dying in unfathomable numbers. There are politicians saying such stupid things we don’t understand how fellow humans could vote for them. And then there are more injustices delivered upon minorities around the world.
Seeing an elderly man knocked to the ground and blood stream from his head broke me last week. The fact that those who were supposed to serve and protect walked around him made me ashamed of the human race.
People in response to my last post commented on the need to turn off the news. Shut down social media. Filter out the bad stuff.
And yet… I probably explained poorly—it wasn’t the bad stuff that was hurting—it was the good. People doing amazing things were breaking my heart. I have been in constant tears. Good tears. But emotional tears nonetheless.
Look to the helpers
Last year people turned out in droves to protest climate change, because a teenage girl had the guts to speak out and reminded us we have an obligation to future generations.
Earlier this year, people around the world people donated inordinate amounts of money to those impacted by Australian bushfires. When toilet paper was limited some were sharing what they had. There were acts of kindness, of generosity everywhere. And these past few days, protestors braving criticism from those concerned about a virus spreading or threatened with arrest have turned out in large numbers. We’ve seen people speak out. Delivering poignant and seemingly-obvious points. We’ve heard incredible voices. We’ve seen unbelievable bravery and comforting levels of humanity.
So I’ve felt helpless. Like I wasn’t doing enough. I wondered if I did need to stay offline.
But it took a conversation yesterday to realise that if I shut down the bad stuff it means I shut down the good. I can try to filter out some. And I do. I’m ignoring debates about sporting codes returning too soon… and (more recently) outspoken authors commenting on stuff they just should not be saying. I don’t have the energy for all of it.
But, it’s impossible to close my eyes and ears to it completely because then I don’t only miss the bad, I also miss the good.
Are you trying to avoid social media? Negativity? Do you think it’s possible to filter out only the bad, or does it mean we miss the good?
* Brene Brown quote image, shared from Pinterest
* Black and white image via Sasha Freemind from Unsplash
June 8, 2020
I need to think about this a litte more before I respond, I think. I did get annoyed at everyone’s need to gloss over the bad with optimism and gratitude when ever yo tried to express something negative about COVID. And then I listened to a psyche talk who said that if you didn’t address the negative feelings (express them and process them) then it actually got in the way of you being actually happy – it blocked your ability to attain happiness. So I agree in part. But I also think you don’t have to sign up for all the troubles in the world if you are feeling overwhelmed with them. But then I also think you shouldn’t turn your back on what doesn’t affect you because people out there need help. So as you can see, I don’t really know what I think. It’s a big and complicated topic. Good for you for exploring it tho. I think on the whole, we don’t think enough. So there’s some good in your post right there! #Lifethisweek
June 8, 2020
It was exactly where I was last week Lydia and I started wondering if I needed to switch off for a while. And seriously, it was a conversation with a Y12 girl yesterday about the fact that she and her friends have watched what’s happening in the US (more in terms of their contemporaries graduating, or not graduating as the case may be) and taking some solace from that. I’d been feeling a bit emotional seeing a 80+yr old woman in a solo protest in a suburban street, Qld cops handing out masks to protestors and random acts of kindness and thought I’d miss that if I filtered the rest out.
PS. I should say… re COVID-19, I think I felt more of a sense of control if I kept up to date re what was happening…
June 8, 2020
I use time units to monitor my activities (e.g. max 30 minutes/ day on news stories, 30 minutes on good stories, one hour walk, one hour yoga, etc.) so the news is not the dominant item of my day and my brain is not fed one type of info. I’m not oblivious nor insensitive to what’s going on. Everyone experiences stress differently and has his/ her own coping mechanism. #lifethisweek
June 8, 2020
Setting a limit is good but I’d likely just soak up the bad stuff…. though as I think I mention, the heartwarming stories are often as traumatic for me as the negative stuff. Draining I guess I mean. But weirdly you’ve reminded me I’ve actually read more books in the last week than I have in ages and I suspect retiring to the bathtub for a couple of hours each night is an antidote to the online stuff.
June 8, 2020
I think it is difficult to filter out the bad without also shutting off the good… I guess it’s about acknowledging how we react to the bad and being mindful that it does hurt and for good reason (and the same for the good – spend a moment thinking ‘why is this good?’ and being grateful for that).
Through the whole of COVID lockdown, I have tried to keep in mind that it’s perfectly normal to be sitting with conflicting feelings – that I can feel grateful for my own health and safety (and the other things associated with lockdown, like ‘slowing down’, fewer commitments) alongside the anxiety and worry that I felt at a broader level… And anything that I couldn’t ‘explain’, I filed under ‘Well, this is a global pandemic so you have no precedent for what to feel!’.
June 8, 2020
Kate, I’ve really appreciated that a lot of people (including famous people) have been open on social media about the fact they’ve struggled and had anxiety or felt stressed. I think by ‘normalising’ the fact that it is unprecedented and it does impact us in many ways we don’t expect (as I’ve said…. I’m more affected by the positive stories – weirdly!) it makes us feel that whatever we feel is still okay.
June 8, 2020
Hi Deb I hadn’t really thought about it but you are right. In trying to shut out the bad we also miss out on the wonderful examples of human kindness and other positive news. It is there but it just gets drowned out by the negative. #lifethisweek
June 8, 2020
Yes… I know last week there were lots of call-outs on Twitter to promote positive examples of police behaviour and camaraderie being shown between police and protestors. Just yesterday I saw something where all of the police got down on a knee and the protestors all got up shook their hands and hugged them. (I did then worry about COVID-19 transmission, but…. one thing at a time.)
I made sure I share clips of the Qld Police handing out face masks to those turning up to the #BlackLivesMatter march in Brisbane.
June 11, 2020
Hi Deb, it is important to try not to gloss over the negative stories but equally important to record the positives and people working together. Thanks for joining us at #MLSTL and enjoy the rest of your week.
June 8, 2020
Hi Deb – I think we all need to be aware of what’s going on in the world and to allow it to deepen our thinking about how we can make sure that we don’t become part of the problem. Also to help us be grateful for how fortunate we are to live in a country that doesn’t have guns everywhere or angry agressive violence that flows from such overt racism.
I still prefer to focus on the positives, and I refuse to engage in social media conversations that are pointless and just feeding off the current misery. I’m also a little bothered by all the people who have an opinion or who want to appropriate it for their own cause – I just want to see people acting with grace and kindness – that was what the pandemic was supposed to teach us, but it doesn’t seem to have “stuck” for long. Sad times indeed.
June 8, 2020
I hate that important issues are being hijacked Leanne and at the moment there always seems to be something else. I understand people’s need to react and comment but if it’s not the President it’s JK Rowling or someone… I guess it’s about picking your battles.
And yes, we’re got our own problems with Indigenous rates of incarceration and deaths in custody (and racism in general) but thankfully we’ve got fewer problems than many other places. I know there were some issues in NSW but I felt proud of the way most of our police services presented themselves at the protests this past weekend.
June 10, 2020
Hi Deb – just back for #MLSTL and to say that I shared your post on my SM x
June 8, 2020
I generally try to filter my SM so that people aren’t d*cks. It doesn’t mean it’s an echo chamber (I find that the stupidest ‘argument’) but it does mean I try to follow people who respond with care and thought. Usually a lot more than I can be bothered to put in!
June 8, 2020
I think there’s a lot of stuff hitting the news at the moment because everyone’s in a heightened state of awareness. I’ve not bought into the morning television person’s idiotic comments, or JK Rowling’s. I know though they’re terribly traumatic and damaging to other people. When it comes to certain people, (Pauline Hanson for eg) I get to the point where I wonder if it’s even worth the fight or stress. I know the effort to educate should be made but sometimes it’s easier to eyeroll and move on. (As you said, in certain cases it’s an echo chamber!)
I should mention I’ve recently unfollowed a few people who are also really really angry (and sure they’re right) about everything (all of the time!). And though I understand they have the right to be, I sometimes feel like I need more balance. One of the reasons I’ve written these last two posts is because I’ve tried to stop and question myself about my own levels of motivation, commitment, beliefs etc… I know I stuff I up. I know I’m not always / often right about things.
June 8, 2020
It’s a hard one Deb and i don’t have any answers I’m afraid. I find I enjoy seeing random acts of kindness during these hard times and I believe there is still good in the world, despite all the bad stuff happening. I try to filter out some of the more confronting things only because I have enough going on in my own life and can’t deal with too much more. I did enjoy your thought provoking post and find I have been thinking about it since I read it this morning, and have only just come back to comment, so that says a lot!! #lifethisweek
June 8, 2020
I’ve got a half-written blog post about Mark Manson’s first book… The Subtle Art Of Not Giving a F*ck and there’s a large section on the issue of certainty in there. I can’t remember the context now but it basically tells us NOT to be that person. Not to be sure we’re right about everything. I know I’m prone to overanalyse myself too much at times, but I also like to think I’m trying to ‘better’ myself. To understand what I can improve on, to seek advice from others. The ‘a-ha’ moment (ie. can’t filter out the bad without losing some of the good news) came about as I was speaking to a year 12 student yesterday. I thanked her at the time because it was something she said that brought me the realisation. I felt like I needed to be better at tuning out the negativity but… as you’ve said there are still so many random acts of kindness taking place – I’d miss those if I ignored it all completely. x
June 9, 2020
I think moderation is the key. We do need to open our eyes to both the good and bad happening in the world. We can’t hide our heads in the sand and pretend it’s not happening. I find myself constantly close to tears these days too, both tears of anger and frustration at the stupid stuff going on (especially in my country, much of it by our president) and tears of happiness and amazement at the good in some people. I can’t read sad books or watch sad movies right now. It’s just too much to bring more sadness into my life.
June 9, 2020
I’m the same way Laurie. The sweet and poignant stuff online is getting to me more than it used to. I’ve found myself watching action-packed TV shows and the like for balance!
June 10, 2020
You make a good point about filtering out the good if we filter out the bad. I have not shut out news completely, but I limit the amount to once a day. I get enough to know what is going on but not enough to start overwhelming me. The protesting has been difficult because rioters (probably not even the protesters) began to harm homes and destroy personal property along with destroying and looting stores. They were within a few blocks of our home and I am not going to lie, I was nervous. I watched them start fires in the street and throw bricks into the windows of homes. It was unsettling to say the least. When I turn on the news, I am always looking for something positive as well as the troubles of the world.
June 11, 2020
That would be scary if the riots were nearby Michele and adds yet another dimension to the stress you’d be feeling. But yes, finding the positives seems to be increasingly important!
June 10, 2020
So with you. You cannot block out the bad to celebrate the good only. Brene’s wisdom…again, has helped me understand me a great deal. I used to numb to calm/self soothe (food of course) but now, I can recognise what I am doing and then ask ‘what’s happening?’ “what am I concerned about?’ and the like and often times, by acknowledging and allowing, I no longer need to numb. This is something that I have learned so much about and endeavour to do but also to forgive myself if I forget. I notice when I am eating mindlessly…OH. It’s working OK for me. Taken only….60+ years!!
Thank you for linking up this week. I have changed my blog’s home page; right hand-side, to note the regular bloggers and blog names who link up for Life This Week. I am very grateful that you are one of those. See you next week when the optional prompt is Kindness. Take care, Denyse.
June 11, 2020
Kindness! The perfect topic Denyse and very timely! x
June 10, 2020
For me it is a balance, Michele. I don’t want to turn a blind eye, but I can be overwhelmed by all the bickering…and to be honest, the difficult news. I have been watching some news each day, but limiting the amount of social media I am consuming. Right now, I am thinking hard about what I can do and will do to be part of the solution. Even that, can be uncomfortable and overwhelming, but it is important work. Thanks for giving me something to think about. #MLSTL
June 11, 2020
I think that’s probably where I’m struggling as well Christie… wondering what I can do to help? I know when I wrote the previous post people were sharing blacked-out images on social media and I realise that’s showing support but it feels tokenistic. I mean, maybe that’s all I can be doing but we don’t seem to be making any progress or changes and we have the same conversations again and again.
June 10, 2020
It really has been a strange time, not just in the obvious social distancing, lockdown kind of way, but observing and experiencing the good things going on, the lovely acts of kindness from ordinary people, and all the horrible stuff. Good days and bad days. #MLSTL
June 11, 2020
Yes, some of the acts of kindness, the thoughtfulness we’re seeing…. is just amazing. And yep, good and bad. How would we know what was one if it wasn’t for the other?
June 11, 2020
So true, Debbish!
June 11, 2020
I read somewhere (yes, too much social media) that the bad news is broadcasted more because it’s more “exciting”. Like people slowing down to look at car accidents. I’m trying to filter out the bad for more of the positive for that reason alone! So, not turning it off, but trying to find the real balance.
June 11, 2020
Ah yes. I think I mentioned I’ve tried to avoid a few new issues that have been hitting the fan (JK Rowling and her quotes etc), not because they’re not important issues but because I need to pull back a little.
June 11, 2020
Not sure I can add to what has already been stated. It is interesting to hear people’s perspectives from outside the U.S. and of course, I value the blogging connections. Balance is key; I would rather not hear all the negative news. What I find more difficult is the strong feelings people have an express about politics and race, and yes, politicians’ (plural) statements and directions. Too much power? Not enough action soon enough? Thank you for this post. Sharing to my Pinterest board.
June 11, 2020
Michele I had a conversation with friends about this just yesterday and we talked about the fact that many of us have been in some sort of lockdown or abeyance for a while and so everything is magnified at the moment. People are scared and angry and I think it’s exacerbated what might have otherwise been addressed more calmly.
Here in Australia there’s talk of more protests this next weekend and I can understand the motivation as the things people are concerned about haven’t been solved (and will take a LONG time). But the government’s talking about arrests this time (they were all legal last weekend). I can’t help but think if the government said, “Yes, we need to do better, help us work out how,” and showed some action then people would perhaps meet them halfway.
June 11, 2020
I will say this – I avoid Twitter because I do think it’s highly, highly negative. People jump on bandwagons and get into a mob mentality of sorts and attack others because they can. No one has a conversation. They make assumptions and all it takes is for a few people to get outraged and everyone else is on there. This is not in response to Black Lives Matter by the way – I do think that requires outrage. The problem is not the negative or positive news – the problem is the extreme. There is no balance in the way things are reported – not in the media, definitely not on social media. And it all adds fuel to the fire and can be draining. I think you can ‘filter out’ the negativity by finding balanced news. By reading all sides of a story. By educating yourself. Which I know is easier said than done. Always up for a chat by the way – Zoom/FB or any other way
June 15, 2020
Interestingly I just saw something on Twitter this morning that I think I reshared. Barack Obama commented on the ‘cancel’ / ‘woke’ culture. How easy it is to tweet something and feel as if you’ve done your bit but he was highlighting the need for action and change and I think that’s a big hole in where we’re at. So much of what I’m seeing feels like tokenism. I don’t have the answers either of course!!!
June 13, 2020
I’m still ‘reading’ social media, but I no longer click on the links to take me to ‘news’ – bad or good. I’m appalled at what I’m seeing in the world – riots, people destroying other people’s property and businesses, people afraid of being within 1.5 metres of each other, people hating others for going to the beach or going shopping. I’m trying to distance myself from all of that, so I do ‘turn off’ the news, be it bad or good. Thanks for this post, it’s really relevant right now. 🙂
June 15, 2020
Ah yes, I saw something on Twitter this morning which was some in-depth prediction about the US elections later this year and I went to click on it but it was still early and I thought… “No, I don’t need to read that.” And I think that’s something I need to get better at doing.