This time next month it will be my birthday. Well, on this date. In December. And I’ll be 49. Quite frankly I don’t know how the fuck that happened cos it seems like I just turned 40 and was depressed about my forever-single and childless status. (On that note, do you think I should write to my 39 year old self and tell her things aren’t going to change any time soon? Just so she’s prepared?!)
My Arabian nights / Moroccan themed 40th. Complete with belly dancing instructor. And yes, this is sans filter and I am very sweaty and my bra and singlet straps are showing! #classy
I already know turning 50 isn’t going to be a blast. Sure I’ve talked recently – in a few blog posts – about the fact I’m happier than I’ve been in years, but the problem with the ageing thing is that you’re forced to take stock in some way. I know being ‘middle aged’ means I essentially might have 30, 40 or even 50 years of life left. So, I ‘can’ do some of those bucket-list things I’ve not yet done. However… it’s also a reminder of those things I’ve not achieved and may never be likely to. (A partner and kids in my case.)
Anyhoo, this isn’t meant to be a maudlin moment… rather I’m seeking feedback on whether I should set some goals for myself over the next year. Or create a bucket list / ‘things to do before I’m 50’ type challenge. And yes, I know it’s a cliché but all of the best people are doing it, including my school friend Nikki from Styling You and blogging buddy Jo from And Anyways (who’s working on smaller challenges but a big believer in bucket lists).
I’m wondering if it will (ahem) alleviate some of the pain associated with the milestone and perhaps give me the impetus I need to get some shit done.
Of course my creativity is limited so I’m thinking one thing a month (at the most!). And some would be fun and others not-so-much.
I’ve got a few in mind… :
1. Finish a book (or novella) and self-publish it
I cannot live my life and not bloody well write SOMETHING. I talk about this incessantly and do nothing. I know self-publishing is not for pussies and it can be a lengthy, complex and arduous process. So I’m thinking I could just set the bar low and attempt some dodgy novella under a pseudonym to get it out of my system.
2. Travel interstate to some writing / reading type event
I want to hang with other lovers of reading or writing. With like-minded people. Financially I’ve not been able to afford this since my seachange and although I still possibly can’t, it’s something I’d like to splurge on. There are a few options like the Sydney or Melbourne Writers’ Festivals; or even (don’t laugh) the Romance Readers Convention next February. (Note I’m suggesting this because there’s no multiple-day equivalent for suspense / crime fiction lovers!)
3. Get my hair and makeup done and get a photo-shoot done.
I know this sounds vain and wanky but I feel like I hit my potential peak in my late teens. It’s been downhill since as I’ve become fatter and wizened. At the same time.
I sweat too much to wear makeup and look at pictures of others dressed up and ‘out and about’ and realise that will NEVER be possible for me as my hair would be wet and sweat would be dribbling down my face! But having a picture taken in a cold airconditioned environment with my makeup done (to make me look like someone I’m not) would be a reminder I’m not completely beyond hope. They wouldn’t be *ahem* boudoir shots and I won’t be hanging them on my walls, but I’d have them. As a reminder. And yes… I am embarrassed to include this but I hope they might give me something to cling to every time I see others out and about with perfect makeup and non-sweaty hair. (And let’s not mention that comparison trap shall we?!) #beyondironic
And then I’m kinda stuck…. and looking for suggestions. And no, I will not be jumping out of a plane or skinny dipping.
Do you think the idea is TOO cliched? Any suggestions?
I’m linking up with Denyse Whelan for ‘Life this week’ and her prompt, Your Birthday! #obvs
November 28, 2016
I like your list. I think it’s a nice celebration of YOU.
November 28, 2016
Thanks Lydia!
November 28, 2016
I reckon your list is perfect. And I wouldn’t mind borrowing the photo shoot one… as for the book- just write it. You don’t need to do anything with it if you don’t want, but you’ll be surprised what getting it out of your head does for your creativity…
November 28, 2016
On the book-front, I think actually doing something I say I’m going to do would make me feel great! And you’re very welcome to the photo one! x
November 28, 2016
Turning fifty was a complete surprise for me; I was astonished to find how happy I am in my fifties. We will see how my sixties roll…I turned into that driveway earlier this month.
November 28, 2016
I think it depends on a bit on your expectations and regrets Deb. I know – when I turned 40 – other friends who were more content with their lives (had partners / husbands / kids / careers) seemed to worry less about it than the rest of us. As for the 50 thing, some of my friends are looking forward to grandkids and the like, and I don’t really have that sort of thing ahead of me.
November 28, 2016
I think bucket-lists are a great idea and, if you want to do some things before 50, then an ‘achievable’ list of 5-10 things is even better – after all, you don’t want to hit 50 and feel depressed about what’s not ticked off on the list! ;-D
Related: have you read Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project? I’m not into self-help books but this was different and helped me focus on ‘finding fun’.
Also related: I visited a stylist two years ago (to have my colours done but it ended up being much more in terms of clothing choices etc). BEST INVESTMENT I ever made. I kind of knew what suited me but the stylist made small suggestions and tweaks and now, years later, it’s so nice when people say “That colour really suits you!”
November 28, 2016
Ah yes…. a makeover would be nice. I’ve long been a work-in-progress so it’s not something I’ve properly considered. Even when I’ve lost weight, I’ve had ‘more’ weight to lose. Or I’ve gained weight so not wanted to ‘be’ where I was at etc… I suspect I’ll constantly be waiting for everything to be perfect. Or at least okay.
November 28, 2016
I love your list! I also feel like you are only as old as you feel. Honestly in my head I haven’t changed a day since I was 20. I wonder when I start thinking older because it hasn’t happened yet and I still think of myself as “younger” I am sure it will catch up with me but I hope it’s not anytime soon!
Have a great week! Happy Reading! ox
November 28, 2016
Oh yes… I’m pretty sure I’m emotionally stunted in some way. I still remember in my mid 30s announcing (to my work colleagues – as you do if you’re me) that I felt I was ready to start dating. The fact that most of my colleagues were my age and married with kids meant they thought that was hilarious. But I meant it.
November 28, 2016
Plenty of time, my late mum flew from UK to visit me when I lived in New Zealand when in her late 70s. Oh yes and in her late 80s gave up smoking!
November 28, 2016
I often hear about people marrying when they’re older but it seems as if I’ve missed out on that whole fairytale as the notion doesn’t seem quite as amazing when one’s in their 50s or 60s or 70s. I’ve kind of missed that boat I suspect!
November 28, 2016
Not all hope is lost I married when I was 47!! I wasn’t even looking for a relationship when we met too (3 yrs prior)…my take-away from that is NEVER say never 😉
November 28, 2016
True… but people said the same thing when I was turning 40 (and 30 as well I suspect). You may be reassuring me when I’m about to turn 60!
November 28, 2016
Great list!!! Getting in early to wish you the most amazing birthday next month.
SSG xxx
November 28, 2016
Ha! Thanks very much. It’s usually low-key as everyone’s away / exhausted from Christmas or prepping for New Year!
November 28, 2016
I’m knocking on the door of 60, being 59 my last birthday and I’ve had a blast with my 50’s once the menopause bit was over. I think the list is great – with one caveat… by all means write the novella AND post it under an assumed name if you choose to. But make sure it’s the best it can be. If you don’t, you’ll be kicking yourself as it’s out there, warts and all. Which doesn’t mean it has to cost you a fortune. Best of luck with whatever you go with – I’m sure it’ll be right for you.
November 28, 2016
That’s true – re making the novella as good as it can me. I think that will be the challenge IF I ever write something… the point at which I think it’s ‘good enough’ to release into the world.
November 28, 2016
I tried a kind of bucket list thing the other year but it petered out because I wasn’t that interested in it. I’m interested to know what writerly things you’re considering attending, because I was thinking this morning some of them might be up my alley this year.
November 28, 2016
Will most definitely keep you in the loop Vanessa.
November 28, 2016
Bucket lists are a great idea and you dont have to have a large list. I would suggest some sort of positive option as you are a wonderful person and just because partner and family didnt happen does not mean you cannot enjoy life. Be happy
November 28, 2016
Oh Margaret that is lovely. Thank you! xx
November 28, 2016
Hi Debbie, I hit the same milestone in September and am feeling pretty much EXACTLY what you wrote…WTF happened to my 40’s – love the idea of a goal a month will have to give it some thought 😉
November 28, 2016
Oh yes… a friend of mine did something similar before turning 40. Had a few new things she wanted to try!
November 28, 2016
I liked reading you are happier now than you have been for a while. THAT is a great gift to you! Ages ago when I lost weight (and no, for me it didn’t stay off then) I gave myself the confidence building photo shoot. It was something I was pleased I did. I marked the time with how I looked then. So, for the pampering and the idea of it, get something for yourself that’s like this. From what I recall, I took the clothes I wanted to be shot in, they did the hair and makeup and helped with the styling and all that. I think it was a few 100 dollars and I did take the package of 6 large photos. Found a few the other day. Glad I did it. Not dodgy or silly at all. I like to think “I will never look as good as this again” every.single.day. as we age before we know it!! Thanks for linking up for #lifethisweek. Denyse
November 29, 2016
This sounds kinda embarrassing but I’ve always envied my friends getting married cos they get that pampering on their wedding day as well! Not something I’m likely to experience at this stage, but I thought this would be kinda nice…
November 28, 2016
How funny! Firstly, I love birthdays because it means another year above ground. Also after my first marriage (20yrs), I jumped out of a perfectly good plane and I went white water rafting on wild rapids. I only wanted to do it once and it was exhilarating! However, I never had any wish to bungy jump — dangling off a rope just didn’t cut it for me. Also I don’t have a bucket list or wish list anymore. I have a ‘To Do’ list before I depart this Earth.
November 29, 2016
Oh I’ve been white water rafting in Zimbabwe! It wasn’t a bucket list thing though. More of an…. I’m here thing!
And yes I guess I have an ‘informal’ to-do bucket list (the fact I want to go to Tuscany at some point for eg!).
November 28, 2016
I like the idea of bucket lists and 50 by 50 lists, etc. but I’ve never done one myself. If that will prompt you to live a fuller life and look forward to your birthday with purpose and passion, then do it!
November 29, 2016
I’m thinking I might Kirsty – but will need to come up with the ideas…
November 28, 2016
I love your list. And it isn’t very long!! I read this post a few years ago by a lady who was.turning 45 and wearing her first bikini..She.had waited.her whole life to be “good enough” to wear it. She always had a reason she wasn’t and.finally she realised she wasted years and years with unnecessary hang ups! So get the pics I say, we all need to feel good about ourselves now 🙂
November 29, 2016
I was thinking I’d need something every month Jess, but I guess I don’t. I could have 5 things, or 7. Or 10.
November 29, 2016
I think it’s a great idea and, yes, lots of people do it but that’s because it’s fun to dram and plan. Well that’s my humble opinion anyway!
November 29, 2016
Thanks Emma, I very much appreciate your opinion!!! x
November 29, 2016
Yes, I think it’s a fantastic idea! A bucket list or a list of goals gives you a purpose and things to look forward to – this reminds me I should update mine! Please remember that even when you see photos of people all dressed up, nothing stays perfect – eg my eye makeup always smudges under my left eye and I can’t eat or drink without smudging red lipstick everywhere. I have no idea how other people keep it on. Also my hair might look good for the 5 minutes it takes me to get that perfect Instagram photo, but it returns to its flat, lifeless, limp normal state pretty quickly afterwards. I just have fine, flat hair and that’s the way it is. Instagram makes others lives look amazing, but it’s usually not real. It’s all smoke and mirrors (and filters!). 🙂
Di from Max The Unicorn
November 30, 2016
Ah yes and I think that’s why I want those pics – so that for one minute in time I looked okay and ‘could’ get all dressed up etc…
November 29, 2016
When Martha Stewart turned 50 she invited 50 of her closet friends to a dinner she prepared all by herself. The table settings were very glamorous. The meals were eaten off monogrammed flat tableware which, she assured us, could be found at flea markets. A hundred years later I’m still on the look out for mine.
I’ve never forgotten this superb dinner and have high hopes of doing this myself when the times comes. Well I could but I would probably have to invite a few of the cows from next door to make it to 50 and as we would probably be eating their loved ones I might need to rethink that option. Turning 40 scared the crap out of me but then so did turning 30, 20 and probably 10. So perhaps 50 won’t be so bad after all.
I love your bucket list but most of all I look forward to reading your blog written in Tuscany where I’m sure there will be a wildly romantic Tuscan waiting for you 😉
November 30, 2016
Ha, if only! I’ve kinda got it in my head, that when my dear mother departs this earth (hopefully not for a long time) I’ll take off then. I’ll have nothing to keep me rooted here so could do the Tuscany thing then. (Rent my place out / sell it and just take off.)
November 30, 2016
It’s not wanky at all. I never wear make up because I’m just perpetually shiny and frankly, I look weird to me with make up on. Like someone that I’m not. I once went to the Napoleon make up counter and came away looking stripperesque in my mind. Of course, I probably look normal to everyone else, but you know how it goes….
As for other suggestions: are you a spa person? Would you go for a massage or something like that? Also could you write to my 40-year-old self (not so far in the future) and tell me to stop being so morose? Cheers! #lifethisweek
November 30, 2016
Yes…. Dear almost-40-year old Kat… cheer the f*ck up! 😉 See, done! x
I’m not sure a massage would be momentous enough as I used to have them fairly regularly back when I worked full time. And facials. Haven’t had any since I stopped full time work 4yrs ago though.
I sweat even with just moisturiser on, so foundation and the like isn’t an option. Occasionally if it’s winter and I’m staying in airconditioning I can wear a BB cream or something but I usually start to sweat…
November 30, 2016
You should just go for it and get these three things done!! It doesn’t hurt to turn it around and consider what you have already achieved too x
I should get off my backside and do some things too, considering 50 will be kicking my arse before I know it (six years will no doubtedly go faster than I’d like!).
November 30, 2016
Oh yes, I like the idea of the retrospective and acknowledge achievements as well. I tend to focus on my regrets or the stuff I HAVEN’T done!
November 30, 2016
Go for it – I like your list. And I hear ya about the looking hot and sweaty in birthday photos – having a birthday in Dec/January SUCKS!
December 1, 2016
Ha! I look like that in any photo sadly Janet! But yes… a winter birthday would be nice!
December 1, 2016
Love the list! To avoid mid-life crises you’ve got to keep growing. Setting goals is the best way to grow. You’ve got to do it. I watched my hubby go through the turning 50 blues. Once he got over it he’s the happiest he’s been in YEARS. Why? Because he started growing again. He’s focussing on health and fitness. Played basketball in the Masters. He’s cleaning out some of the junk (both metaphorically and within the house). The blues came from having plateaued. It’s not about the number as much as it’s about the lack of progress. So by creating a way to progress in the areas you have control over (even if only in the health and fitness realm) we still feel like we’re being the best we can be.
Let me know when you’re ready to self publish! Weeeeeee
December 1, 2016
Need to start writing first Leanne! But yes… I also need to stop focussing on the things I HAVEN’T achieved and focus on what I have achieved.
December 1, 2016
I love your goals for the year, Deb. And can’t wait to see those photos x
December 1, 2016
Thanks Nikki! x
December 6, 2016
I like all of your ideas. When I was getting close to 50 (six years ago), I had long hair and decided to keep growing it and then donate it. My daughter made it a cool celebration.