I know I’ve moaned in the past about those who go on and on about some issue or life crisis. Those who can’t get past it and lets it define them. I’ve certainly been like that about a few things in my life, including my eating disorder.
I saw my father – for some years after his heart transplant – allowing it to become ‘who’ he was (ie. man who’d had a heart transplant)… in some ways, his previous 60 years on earth disregarded because of this life-altering event.
Having said that, I also applaud those who talk about things others don’t. I pretty much lay myself bare here but there are a few things I don’t discuss. I hope one day I will and can but at the moment…. not so much.
I glibly talk about ‘feeling depressed or anxious’ and it’s probably evident from my posts and social media feeds that I’m prone to one or both. And I think mental health certainly should be something we discuss more without a sense of shame or weakness. (And we don’t consider those who do ‘brave’ because it should be commonplace.)
I was pondering on this today when I came across a twitter thread by Sam Missingham. I think – I appreciate this sort of honesty even more because it sometimes comes out of the blue and captures onlookers unawares.
There’s a saying I’ve seen attributed to many MANY different people but goes something like…. ‘You never know what someone else is going through, so just be kind.’
Happy Thursday! (Linking up with the LovinLife gang.)
August 22, 2019
You’re right – we consider it brave when someone does speak up, but it should be more commonplace. You really don’t know what’s going on in other people’s lives.
August 22, 2019
I think I appreciated this thread this morning from Sam because it’s not what I usually read from her. I guess it’s why we’re more struck by celebs/athletes/politicians etc speaking out on the issue.
August 22, 2019
It’s a hard thing to talk about because people are quick to judge and also I find that people often prefer to read the good, positive and happy stuff. We are also programmed to not moan and groan but to just get on with it. Sigh – I can relate – I’m prone to the ‘ol D & A myself. Regardless of RUOK day and other organisations urging people to check on their friends etc .. do they? That quote is very true … you never do know what is truly going on in someone’s life. #TeamLovinLife
August 22, 2019
I think it’s probably the squeaky wheel thing – but in reverse, or do I mean the boy who cried wolf? Whatever… when it comes from someone we’re not used to hearing it from I guess we pay more attention.
And yes, people still judge. I know I sometimes do (!!!) and I should know better than to think it’s possible to ‘perk up’ or lift oneself out of the melancholy/fear and get on with life.
August 22, 2019
With awareness campaigns and education on mental health, hopefully we’ll get to discuss it more without a sense of shame or weakness. Be kind is a good commandment to follow.
August 22, 2019
Yes, I was listening to a Mark Manson post the other night. (One I’d listened to before.) It’s called The One Rule For Life. It centres around a German (Prussian) philosopher, Immanuel Kant who lived in the 1700s. Basically his tenet was… “don’t treat others (including yourself) as a means to an end”. Manson spends a while decanting (ha, de-Kanting… #sorrynotsorry) the philosopher’s actual thoughts but for me it’s about even more than respecting others or treating them as we wish to be treated. I’ve been thinking about it since… the concept of ‘using’ others or ourselves for some purpose / acting less than honestly… not being authentic or letting us be ourselves and others be true to themselves. #orsomething
August 22, 2019
I have learnt with age (and teenagers) that life is just far more complicated than we are lead to believe. We thought that once we got older everything falls into place, but for a myriad of reasons, it doesn’t and we are in a fragile state or watching friends and loved ones implode and rebuild. I think if it’s not you, don’t judge, just pick up the pieces, because one day it will come for you too, and you need those same people strong to pick up your pieces. THAT’S why it should be shame free. Because it’s really just time or luck.
August 22, 2019
I think that’s the thing about mental illness… though I’m sure there are stats about impacts on lower socioeconomic groups (for a range of reasons) it doesn’t necessarily discriminate. We’re so often agog when ‘celebs’ (or people we think ‘have it all’) take their life.
August 22, 2019
Without naming names or situations I’ve seen online, it does seem like some people are “allowed” to share their story and receive support, while others get ignored and/or have the “omg shut up” thrown at them. And maybe that just means people need to work on their circle of friends, I don’t know. All I know is that I see very inconsistent responses and attitudes, despite the PR/public health messages.
August 22, 2019
That is so very true Vanessa. I know exactly what you mean. I guess a lot of that (in terms of our exposure) comes down to the media and how they portray people / respond to their actions, but guess social media also allows less of a filter for many. But I know there are some people who are seemingly defined by their mental illness (or similar) whereas others are certainly made to feel ‘less than’ (or attention-seeking) for sharing their low times
August 22, 2019
We’ve come a long way in the last 20 years with talking about depression – before then it was something that happened to you if you were really sad because someone had died. Now it’s everywhere and we all think we’re open minded and accepting about it, until it happens to you – then you’re VERY careful who you tell and how much you share because people still judge – and keeping up appearances is still so important (thanks to IG etc) Maybe in another chunk of time the stigma will have gone permanently, but in the meantime depressed and anxious people still walk a fine line with the details they openly share with others.
August 22, 2019
I’ve deleted Instagram off my phone and missing it less than I expected. And yes, you reminded me of the fact my parents used to talk about people having problems with the ‘nerves’ which seemed to encompass a whole heap of psychological and mental illnesses.
August 22, 2019
Hi Deb, first of all I hope you are doing okay today. I get that mental health is something that we need to look at everyday and not just in great big chunks of life. I agree with Leanne that we’ve come a long way in the last 20 years, learning to be more open, talk about things and of course there’s been more research and more studies too. It’s never easy being open about it yourself because yes, there is still a stigma attached, but there shouldn’t be. I sometime also wonder if our modern lives and the pressures they impost on us make us more susceptible to all kinds of mental health issues.
August 22, 2019
Hi Jo and yes I’m fine – thanks! As I was writing the post I pondered the ‘why’ it’s hard for some to talk about. I suspect for me it’s part of that public vs private thing as I’m still seeking to be employable and you never know how you’ll be judged by others. I know I feel the same writing about any weakness or issues – conscious that potential employers may read it. (Don’t care of course if they know I drink diet coke and eat brownies for breakfast!) 🙂
August 22, 2019
Talking about it has finally started to be the norm. I have been prone to worry and being anxious but not with a diagnosis until the day “I never went back to school” thanks to my work overload and breakdown in 2002. It took me till i was blogging about this to write it up and not feel the shame I held so tight for so very long. You see, I had been “hand picked” for that school and I was expected to change its culture and more. In the 4th year, with many changes of staff (not by me) the complaint that I was not performing well came via my staff. Yes, rung at home to be forewarned about what was to hit the fan the next day. I did not return and my breakdown was accepted at a work-related issue. That is all well and good but I “still” feel the twinges of that fallout on me personally. Awful stuff. And what saddens me more is that the outside pressures are even greater on school principals now. Sorry, got carried away. Talking and writing about it helps me. In fact, I have had frank talks with my Dad who can tell me some of the stories from my family and their mental health issues. Heredity plays a big part in my mental health. I just have greater tools now to manage mine. Denyse
August 22, 2019
I still remember a guy I worked with (who became a friend) telling me he’d had a year off on stress leave. I was gobsmacked that he’d admitted it and that it hadn’t affected his employment opportunities – he’d come back into government at a senior level and was a contemporary. Another friend and I used to talk about it at the time as she was struggling in her workplace and considering stress leave but worried how it’d be perceived.
I expect I could easily have justified it on a number of occasions (back in the day) but most times I just changed jobs instead so had that luxury. I still remember my (then) pilates teacher once telling me that she’d been really worried about me at one point so glad I’d moved on. (And yet I thought I was hiding the pressure I was feeling well!)
(And you know I completely understand the writing-to-understand thing!)
August 22, 2019
It does seem more commonplace to be open and honest nowadays, although no doubt that they can very hard. Whenever I’ve seen someone open up about something difficult, the positive response and support is always very strong. Hopefully that helps.
August 22, 2019
Yes, though I can’t help but wonder if there’s a point when friends / onlookers get frustrated if no action is taken by the person… I know I can feel like that about some things, but I understand that sometimes you feel incapable of taking action. Hmmmm…