I promise this will be the last post about my new job and (re)starting full-time work. (In case you missed it, I wrote about my change here and plans – to cope with the changes – here.)
I mean, bloody hell… I would have HATED me five years ago. I’d worked full-time non stop for 20-25yrs and it was the norm. A ‘given’. So reading these posts (about the – *sigh* – trauma of returning to full-time work) would have resulted in a GINORMOUS eye-roll} from the former me. And possibly some ‘suck it up sweetheart’ type admonition.
However, as I was writing last week’s post I was struck by a thought. One I’ve had in the past and one worth exploring again as I’m now far more evolved as a person. Ahem.
As I was rabbiting on about planning for happiness and building time into my new life for exercise, writing and minimising other imposts on my time, it occurred to me that my biggest problem in the past was that I was always living for the future (the ‘when’) rather than the ‘now’.
From Facebook
It’s common I think: we focus on squirreling away money for our retirement, paying off our mortgage, having school and University fees ready when our kids need them. In many ways it’s something we NEED to do. As grown-ups. (Speaking for you all obviously, not moi as I’m determined to live the life of a petulant child for as long as possible!)
But, once upon a time my weekdays (therefore, most of my life) were all about work. I ‘lived’ for my free time on the weekends, or perhaps a few hours at night (for books, grocery shopping, washing, TV and chores. For non-work stuff.). That time was precious. But in essence I was grabbing time here and there. I was biding my time. Waiting for life to start.
And sadly, that became my existence. I recognised that of course which is why I made the seachange.
I like to think I’ve now seen life from both sides. My pre-seachange life of working long hours has made me appreciate my free time more – ie. time NOT spent working for someone else.
Conversely I’ve recently garnered more of an appreciation for doing ‘without’.
Pre-seachange I wasn’t wealthy, but comfortable. And though post-seachange I’ve struggled, I’ve not been completely skint, because asset-wise I’m okay off. (And – arrogance aside – I’ve worked bloody hard for 25yrs to get that way!) But suddenly I’ve had to prioritise my spending in a way I’d not had to do since my 20s.
So… I’ve had a glimpse of both extremes of my values (financial security and freedom) and – rather than think of my new job / life as a ‘necessary evil’ – I’ve realised I need to change my thinking to appreciate each and every day.
My job neither has to be my life, but nor does it have to be about biding my time until the fun starts.
I’m trying to remind myself of the fact that THIS (new, current) life is not my pre-seachange life. I can learn from past mistakes. And past joy.
And make the best of everything lying before me.
Are you good at ‘living in the now’? Any suggestions to really appreciate life? (Other than reminding myself it’s finite?)
The Lovin’ Life team includes:
October 5, 2017
Yeah, crappy at it – but much better post seachange than pre sea change. E.g. I’m sitting here now at the surf club, listening to the ocean & appreciating the fact that at this time 7 months ago I would have been on a bus heading into the office. I’m still going to an office, but this happens first & it centers me for the day.
October 5, 2017
Ah yes… I need to work on a morning routine. I used to always leave home at / around 7.30am for my last job and was in the office early, but in my new job the official start time for most people is 8am. And as I have a 30min drive it means I definitely need to be on the road by 7.30. I’m yet to work out how flexible my hours are. We officially get 1hr for lunch but I tend to eat it at my desk and in previous government jobs I’ve been able to just take 30mins (compulsory whether you actually have it or not) and finish earlier / start later etc… All things I’m yet to discover.
October 5, 2017
I actually really enjoy reading your posts about you. I hope you keep them up.
October 5, 2017
I’m sure I will. I attempted to stop the ‘personal’ blogging thing earlier this year but it didn’t ‘take’. Though I only focus on the one non-bookish post a week now. Hopefully I’ll stop talking about the job in the next post!
October 5, 2017
I think that the living in the now is something that I’m more able to do now I do have a permanent job. When I was stuck in the contract to contract work land you can’t NOT look to the future and keep an eye out for jobs. It’s part of what is keeping me from going all shiny object and looking for new work!
October 5, 2017
Ah yes, that feeling on continuity or being settled is a nice one. This job is only for one year so hopefully I won’t get too anxious down the track, but for now it’s nice to have that permanence.
October 5, 2017
It took me a long time to realise you have appreciate all in life. I was lucky to give up my full time role last december but am as busy now. However i am now enjoying life and appreciate all that i can still do.
October 5, 2017
That’s wonderful Margaret. I think I didn’t do enough to stay occupied in my post-full-time work life. Initially I did but I think I reined in a lot of that because I became concerned about money. Much easier not to spend money if I just stayed at home. A more balanced approach sounds good though.
October 5, 2017
It really does make a world of difference if you are CHOOSING to work fulltime. I shared a cool meme on my FB page a couple of days ago that fits well with your post today: it basically says, we shouldn’t wait for life to get easier or better – it will always be complicated – so learn to be happy right now (before you run out of time!)
October 5, 2017
Oh wow, you’ve reminded me it was a meme that inspired me to write this post last week and one I was supposed to use in the post. I think I shared it on FB as well. Can’t be bothered checking but it sounds similar. And exactly what I needed to hear.
October 5, 2017
It’s about balance isn’t it Deb? Finding the time and money to have a life but not letting the work involved take over from the leisure it’s supposed to be paying for! I could never go back to work full-time, we’ve squirrelled away enough from living frugally over the years to get to a point where part-time is the only option for me – I think living under a bridge appeals to me more than all that working again, but I get why you need to and I hope it goes really well for you. If you enjoy the work then it’s not so onerous.
October 5, 2017
True. Perhaps I’ll appreciate everything I have more now (time and money) given I’ve had less and more of both previously.
October 5, 2017
Dear Deb, don’t stop writing down these thoughts and reflections here as I think, as with my blogging about my cancer stuff, that it helps you and it helps others. So, I think your work life is like much of life. It changes. I recall as a principal in my early 50s LONGING for retirement. Boom! Got my wish but in no way did it resemble what I thought. I had no super till I fought for it as stopping work was for my health. I did learn that you can start over though and went happily back to schools in a part-time teaching role some 1.5 years later. I finished that work once I realised I was not enjoying it any more and I found the changes in admin were not what I agreed with so, took my next retirement at 60. All in all I have had a few retirements but this one, now is the final one. It is both good and not so good but I have learned in more ways than one to be grateful for the day I have and to do my best to enjoy what is. It helps greatly that I have a husband who thinks and acts like this ALL the time and even though it can be annoying to a reforming future planner like me, he is right! I do hope that you can find time to jot down some more thoughts as your life continues in its interesting way. This is what blogging is for!! Denyse xx
October 5, 2017
I know I’m not actually old Denyse but recently – for the first time – I’ve been feeling it. I guess comparing myself to where others (my age) are at hasn’t helped. It’s something I’ve noticed a little this week. Of course I made the decision to take time out in my 40s. Others did it in their 20s or 30s to have kids. I suspect it’s easier to recover earlier. A colleague of mine (who’s 55) recently talked about taking his birthdate off his CV as he thought it’d go against him. (Mine’s not on mine, but still…. it shocked me a little to realise I’m nearing that phase as well.)
October 5, 2017
This post makes so much sense Deb and that all of life’s experiences are in fact lessons and you are learning from them! We have to stop waiting for life to begin and realise that we really only have now. The future isn’t guaranteed. NOW is it! We have to enjoy now. Hope you love the new job and if you want to write more posts on this topic then go right ahead – they are great! 🙂 #TeamLovinLife
October 5, 2017
Ah yes, I had all of this stuff in the post I deleted Min (as I ran out of time as midnight approached Wed night and I wanted to get to bed) about the fact I’m staying at my mum’s during the week on a night or two – so already the whole thing is different. I didn’t get to ‘debrief’ or spend time with family etc in my old life. I came home to an empty house every night and left it the next morning. There was nothing to distract me from work during the week and I’m hoping that’s different now.
October 5, 2017
I’m learning to live in the now and finding that I have so much going on for me than I might have otherwise thought. The things I feel that are ‘missing’ from my life at the moment are missing because it’s not the right time for them, I’ve decided.
SSG xxx
October 5, 2017
Oh I like that and I think it’s true. I think about it a bit actually – WHY I don’t do things I think I want to do and it makes me question my motivation and (as you say) the timing.
October 5, 2017
So hard to live in the now. Well I struggle. Sometimes I also struggle with looking ahead too as I don’t know what I want or where I want to go.
October 5, 2017
I actually feel better about looking ahead now – but I wonder if that’s because I’m getting older and can’t imagine my ‘journey’ changing much from what I’m doing now….
October 5, 2017
I don’t think it’s unusual to teeter between working part-time and full-time. I resigned from my part-time job in February, because I thought my freelance writing career had taken off and I didn’t need the income anymore. However after returning from my overseas holiday and coming back to zero work I realised that I still needed some income and something to do with my days. So I asked for my part-time job back and I’m back working again. I’m not impulsive at all. I like to plan ahead for the future so that I know where I’m headed. But I have learnt to live a lot more in the moment, slow down and enjoy my life. Age and experience does teach you this. #TeamLovinLife
October 6, 2017
I have to admit Kathy I suspect part-time work options would be better / easier somewhere larger as I really struggled to find something here. I assumed there’d be ‘temp’ agencies and the like. I know in former gov roles in Brissy we used them all of the time and when I moved here I figured I’d pick up temp work… but alas, they don’t exist. (Having said that, someone suggested it was a business opportunity for me!)
But yes… I must admit longer term – a part-time gig in a more challenging / higher level / interesting job would be good.
October 5, 2017
You’re so right Deb. It’s very challenging to find that happy medium between living in the now and planning / saving for the future. Since having a major health scare last year (and having lost both my parents), I try to do both, but I’m not very good at it! Hope the new job goes well for you 🙂 #TeamLovinLife
October 6, 2017
Oh yes Lyndall, I think my father passing away in 2011 (plus realising kids weren’t going to be an option, ever) was part of the impetus for me to consider the huge life (sea) change. And now it saddens me to hear of people losing their lives who are my age or younger and it’s a stark reminder that I can’t keep waiting for the good stuff to happen.
October 5, 2017
I also love reading blog posts about you and the way you think. As we get older and seek out alternative ways of living our lives well, it’s great to get different perspectives or perhaps perscpectives that back up what we’re doing or thinking. I believe there’s a big shift in the developed world to move away from the ” work – accumulate – work some more – long for me time or retirement” model. I think even young people are moving away from the notion of working stressful lives to have more stuff. They want to live for Now. I think baby boomer like me especially were brought up in a time of post austerity, and we saw what having no money looked like, and didn’t like the look of it. Now we’ve learned how to balance things out more and realise that money really isn’t everything.
October 6, 2017
Oh yes Jo…. I’m of that era where we’re told we need to plan ahead and yet, it means so many of us spend our lives waiting on retirement – only to find it’s not what we hoped / expected. I suspect now I’ve had a glimpse of the part-time options and realise that it’s unlikely my ‘retirement’ will be a moment in time… rather I’ll phase out of working life over a period of years. Financially I’ll have to work for quite a while, but if I can learn (continue to learn) to live more frugally then part-time may be an option.
October 6, 2017
I think I’m good at living in the now, Deborah. It’s a journey that’s unique to each of us. To really appreciate life, I spend some time thinking / writing down how l’d like to feel at the end of each day/ month/ year, and what I can/ am going to do to achieve those feelings. I usually have top three things in mind because they’re easier to remember and achieve. They can be simple and inexpensive things which lead me to embrace life every day. If we don’t ask ourselves these questions, our day is easily swallowed up with whatever and before we know it, another non-memorable, non-satisfying day/ month/ year gone.
October 6, 2017
Oh Natalie, that’s wonderful! What a great approach. Years ago I had a life coach who suggested, rather than setting goals for stuff I wanted to achieve, that I set goals re how I wanted to feel. I couldn’t quite get my head around it but LOVE the idea.
October 6, 2017
I’ve just written a post about how I’m trying not to panic about the fact I’ve just left a full time job but I get what you mean here. It’s about where you are in your life and what you need from it I think. And that will change all the time.
October 6, 2017
Oh yes Emma, that was me a few years ago. And I most certainly wouldn’t trade all of that free time I had (and hope to have again). You’re certainly right… things constantly change, including ourselves (or at least we should!).
October 6, 2017
I was brought up to always work hard and plan for the future, as this was how you would have a better life. I’ve come to realize that this does not work for me, as I get swallowed up on the next thing rather than enjoying where I am now. Then 5 yrs ago my son had an accident and I had to fight with my employer to take some time off to care for him. This was wake up call for me, working hard for the financial gain was not as important has living in the moment and enjoying the time with my son. Yes, financially we have struggled at times, but it’s a sacrifice that i’m really happy I made. Now its time for me to head back to work, but this time it will be different. I will be working for myself and having had a taste of the value of living for the now, I’m not prepared to become a slave to work again.
October 6, 2017
That’s exactly it isn’t it?! Once you’ve seen the ‘other side’ it’s hard to go back to life as it was. I like to think I’ve planned ahead to approach this new life differently to my old one. Certainly I’m more focused on balance and not letting work consume me. I know it will be hard as it’s ingrained in me to put work above everything else, but I need that to change.
October 6, 2017
In answer to your question, am I good at living in the now, I don’t know anymore. I’m always striving for something. Sometimes that something happens and other times it doesn’t. I’ve been wondering a lot lately if I shouldn’t just “go back to work” and do the whole working for someone else thing, then come home and be grateful for my weekends, because this constant striving to achieve my dreams thing is getting exhausting. Sigh. When I think I’m “living in the now” I’m really not. I’m striving … always striving. This question is too hard …
#teamlovinlife
October 6, 2017
I think it’s harder when you’re working for yourself in some ways cos – if you’re like me – there’s never an ‘enough’. As I always say, I didn’t allow myself to watch TV during the day or read when I wasn’t working full time but I can already tell I feel less strict about that now that I’ll only have two ‘days’ at home. I won’t feel I need to be at my desk or being more productive during that time – that I’m allowed to have fun then and do chores and stuff.
October 7, 2017
Good luck with it all I am sure that you will find that balance because you have seen if from both sides and know what you want.
October 8, 2017
I hope so. I’m already picking myself up on stuff I’m noticing after one week, so I probably know the worst of my bad habits now and can (kinda) catch them early!
October 8, 2017
I am not good at focusing on the now. I am guilty of waiting for something to happen for me to be happy. Wow! You definitely hit a nerve with this post for me. I will definitely be participating in this linky in the future. I need to focus on what I am actually happy about right now.
Thanks for sharing some of your observations. This is really interesting about how your focus has changed and you got to see life from both sides.
October 9, 2017
Karen, I think I’ve spent the last 30 years of my life (or 35 now – since I was 15 or so) waiting to become the person I wanted to be. A lot of that was about losing weight: WHEN I lose weight I’ll: date / do this / do that.
And suddenly time has flown by and I’ve done none of those things I wanted to do. I realised (when I wrote the Thursday post before this one) I was already thinking about one year down the track when I’ve finished the full-time gig…. which involves putting life on hold for yet another year. And in reality, I’m not sure what I think will be any different in a year’s time. I’m fairly sure that the additional $ I earn working full-time will be quickly eaten up by my ‘to do’ list and it won’t be as if I suddenly have less bills etc this time next year.