Languishing and nourishment

Monday, June 14, 2021 Permalink

In May this year The New York Times explained that the melancholy, the malaise, the lack of vive la joie we’ve been experiencing was called languishing.

The paper referenced was published long before COVID became a thing and I certainly languished in the past but the article shares research explaining how many feel in this post-pandemic world. It also gives us a word to drop into conversations and blog posts. Languishing is – apparently – ‘the void between depression and flourishing’. The article also offers other descriptions, including ‘a sense of stagnation and emptiness’.

I was stuck for something to write about today and Life This Week host Denyse Whelan responded to my tweet suggesting I write about languishing, something The New York Times also describes as the less-acute sibling of anguish. Denyse’s recommendation was weird as I’d actually been procrastinating going over the Australian Writers’ Centre MOJO month notes from May this year. I only lasted 3 of the 31 days* but figured I should access the material while I can. And, coincidentally, the course material refers to this article and its suggested antidote. #spooky

languishing

The antidote or answer, in case you’re wondering is ‘flow’. The word itself (as a response) actually makes no sense at all to me. But what it means is a bit like good ol’ Eckhart Tolle’s theory of ‘living in the now’. [The original paper] suggests we become absorbed in what we’re doing. That we become fully present. That we don’t have 43 tabs open on our laptop browser (ahem 😳 ) but instead, focus on the moment.

I would have assumed the antidote would be the more cliched response of gratitude. That when we’re wallowing, or languishing, we need to remember the good stuff.

languishing

I bitch and moan a lot. Like, a lot. However, I hope (at least) that I also recognise my good fortune. I’ve been struggling lately and have written endlessly about that. I’ve felt guilty and weak for feeling as if I’m not coping as well as I should be. A commenter last week mentioned that it’s difficult to bounce back when multiple things are going wrong and I think that’s an apt description of the last few years for me. I’m more fragile because I’ve not built up my reserves sufficiently.

Which brings me to Denyse’s actual ‘topic’ for her linkup today and something I reference quite a bit. The idea of nourishment. Of the mental, emotional and creative type. Every time I attend writers’ festivals or meet up with others with similar interests I come away feeling nourished. So I’m thinking perhaps I need a bit of a plan or strategy around doing more things that bring me joy, that nourish me and build up my reserves so I become a bit more resilient and languish less when disappointment next strikes. Which it’s sure to do.

The NYT article references languishing specifically as it relates to COVID but I actually think it describes a malaise I often feel but usually can’t articulate? Have you languished? Post COVID or before?

* Obviously NOT rediscovering my Mojo given my lack of participation in the daily activities.

First image: Greg Rosenke via Unsplash | Second image: @herincrediblemindset on Instagram

14 Comments
  • Sanch @ Sanch Writes
    June 14, 2021

    I really enjoyed that NYT article {and from memory, may have sent it to you}. In positive psychology {a misnomer; because it’s not about ‘positive’ thinking etc}, the focus is on filling our cup with ‘positive’ emotions, relationships, flow, a sense of meaning/purpose and a sense of accomplishment to help out wellbeing and well, to help us flourish. As someone who has been depressed, and consequently prone to melancholy and depression, it’s taken work to try and nourish myself and fill my cup. I know you sometimes mention how many things I fit in but I do those because they fill me and I have something in reserve for when things do get really shitty. I’m glad you noticed that writers festivals/events and engaging with other creatives fills you because it’s what you need to do more of. Even if you’re not feeling it sometimes. It’s tough, but I do think in the long run, bit by bit, it adds up and works.

    • Debbish
      June 20, 2021

      I certainly need to make more of an effort to do the things I enjoy or things that nourish me Sanch and overcome the antipathy I so often struggle with.

  • Jennifer Jones
    June 14, 2021

    Hi Deb it sounds to me like it would be a good idea to do more of what you love and what brings you joy. I think that’s good advice for all of us to go by. I agree with your writers festivals comment. I hadn’t put it into words but when I read your post I thought that, yes, they leave me feel nourished.

    • Debbish
      June 20, 2021

      Oh yes, I often come away from those kinds of events feeling quite invigorated. And not just creatively.

  • leannelc
    June 14, 2021

    Hi Deb – I actually don’t mind a bit of languishing if it’s by choice and not by circumstance. Positive languishing where we switch off the busyness and the need to always be “on” can be very restful for our souls. I think the key is choice – and making positive choices about where we want to engage our energy and where we want to store it up. Sometimes it means getting out more and being more connected to the world around us when we’d rather just stay inside in our own space. I hope you find your nourishment and it starts to fill your empty spaces x

    • Debbish
      June 20, 2021

      Thanks Leanne and I like the idea of being conscious of something being a choice we make vs something we feel co-opted or forced into.

  • Debbie
    June 14, 2021

    What an interesting post Deb! I love the word languishing and it goes so well with nourishment! I agree with Leanne’s comments too by the way.
    I like the sound of doing more of the things that bring you joy and that feeling of being nourished by these types of activities can be a real buzz. Great post and good on you for taking up Denyse’s suggestion

    • Debbish
      June 20, 2021

      I have so many drafted posts Debbie I often find it hard to work out what I want to write about when the time comes so Denyse’s suggestion was very timely. Particularly as I’d been trying to catch up on the Mojo month stuff. I hope you did better at it than I did!

  • patwdoyle11
    June 15, 2021

    I’m adding the word languish to my own lexicon of emotions. I’ve usually referred to that feeling as “awaiting” or feeling of being in limbo. For me, it’s a huge element of my “someday I will” putting things off habit. I’m working more on being in the present, establishing new habits (daily, weekly, monthly), and pushing myself to remember that “today is someday”.

    • Debbish
      June 20, 2021

      In my head Pat when I picture someone languishing I imagine some 1950s style woman in a silk robe and heels with fluffy bits on, lolling back on a sofa drinking a martini!

  • Susanne
    June 16, 2021

    Languish was a new word to me but I find it very useful. I’ve been in that mode many times. Not so much during the pandemic. Knowing we were into such a crisis, I did everything possible to keep myself busy with good creative activities, because I know that I too easily fall into low mood (languish perhaps) and perhaps even depression, especially when life has to be on hold, I normally can’t handle such things. But I had to prevent low mood and keep myself as happy and positive as possible and it has worked quite well.
    But of course I’ve had bad moments during this time, I wouldn’t be normal otherwise.

    When you mention “flow” I associate it with the state of being immersed in a positive activity, you forget about everything else for a while and get into a highly productive state. Flow is mentioned quite a lot in creative activities such as programming, writing and more. To me it’s very relevant in music, when I can sometimes totally indulge in the song or tune I’m playing, without thinking too much or focusing on playing the right notes, that’s when I’m in the flow.
    I believe that indulging in activities that truly brings joy and meaning, helps chase away the languish.

    • Debbish
      June 20, 2021

      It’s interesting Susanne as I didn’t associate flow with that at all so it’s great it makes more sense to you. I guess it implies something continuing seamlessly but as I said, it wasn’t until I read further that I realised what was being said and that certainly made sense.

  • Denyse Whelan Blogs
    June 16, 2021

    I am glad I contributed to this…in a very small way. It got the conversations in comments going as well. I learned about FLOW ages ago as I was “trying” to get used to my new circumstances of leaving Sydney, retiriing etc and it was (and can be) something I needed to plan. If I do not get enough nourishment and it’s a tricky balance, I will got back into a more maudlin state. Hence my planing each day. It works. It moves me: to get dressed, go somewhere (even just to look at the beach) and do some art…anything that takes me away from constant self-criticism and judgement.

    Thanks so much for joining in #LifeThisWeek link up on Monday 14 June. Your presence, comment on my post & adding your blog post too helps make a caring, connected community on-line. Next week the optional prompt is Share Your Snaps. Warm wishes, Denyse.

    • Debbish
      June 20, 2021

      I’d like to set up some routines Denyse so that I do get certain things done without needing to make decisions. (Like the Mark Zuckerberg thing of wearing the same outfit every day.) I think in the podcast that Kelly Exeter used to do she talked about having the same breakfast every day. Minimise having to overthink the basic stuff so your head doesn’t waste time on it.

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