I’ve got a million posts partially written. About important things. Unimportant things. Feelings. Life. You know… the usual. But for reasons unknown I’m not in the mood to delve deeply today.
Instead, this will be un-insightful and newsy*. So, take a seat and enjoy the ride.
Purpose / direction / passion
The hours of my contract gig decreased a lot this year. Opportunity-wise there aren’t a lot of options out there for 50-something year olds who are feeling increasingly redundant. So… as pondered a month or so, I’m returning to study.
Of course, when I say “returning” it’s not entirely true as it’s over 20yrs since I did my MBA. And I don’t think the internet was readily available in 1997 so I suspect things will have changed. I’ve enrolled in the Graduate Certificate of Writing, Editing and Publishing at the University of Queensland (35 years after I first went there as an undergrad!). I’m excited cos I like learning new things, but scared shitless cos I’m a poor scholar and not very academically inclined.
I’ve had some heart stuff happen. It’s kinda boring and I’m still unsure if it’s a big deal or not but I’m going to be taking several medications to slow my heart rate and minimise atrial fibrillations. I’ve had a heap of tests and am apparently almost constantly in fibrillation. I think.
I’m conscious I need to make some lifestyle changes as well. It’s been ages since I’ve exercised properly and I’m feeling kinda confronted by how much I feel and look my age at the moment.
I suspect those who’ve followed me for a while get a sense of my moods. Although I’m wretchedly honest (on the whole) here and on social media I have a line in the sand I don’t cross and it’s generally mental health related. I’m still not willing to go ‘there’. But feel it’s apt to mention that I’ve been struggling. A lot. Off and on. I keep thinking things will improve: waiting for the magic elixir; the thunderbolt; or the revelation that will fix everything… but it continues to elude me.
Instead I plod along—stumbling here and there—like so many other people.
Whether the coronavirus has made things worse, I’m not sure. If I’m really honest it kinda feels as if it’s levelled things out… given everyone an understanding of the uncertainty, helplessness and hopelessness many of us experience every single day.
* I did mean to talk about what I’ve been watching (a lot) and stuff, but meh… I’ve got some book reviews I need to finish.
How’s your week looking?
Pic from Instagram.