The day I forgot to go home

Monday, April 4, 2016 Permalink

I’ve been hanging out at my mother’s recently. Ostensibly I’ve helped clear her back room a little (as she’s had termites), but I escape here every so often to have some company AND when it’s holiday time in my apartment complex by the beach and it’s overrun with kids playing Marco Polo. And similar.

But lately I’ve extended my visits a little. Cos I’ve not wanted to go home. Indeed… I’ve just spent two long weekends at my mother’s, only returning for the days I’ve had to go to work. In fact, I’ve had to head back to my place today. But I didn’t want to.

And it’s worrying me…. the ‘forgetting to go home on purpose’ thing.

I live in a complex of about 17 units. Just over half are owner-occupied and the others are short and long term rentals.

Regular readers know my place is right on the beach and I have amazing views. My apartment is still pretty new and has everything I could need. Our complex has a nice pool and is generally well-kept.

view

However… there are issues. I mentioned in my check-in post yesterday that we’ve had some issues between owners  – well, with one in particular (who also has a caretaking role), whose behaviour and attitude is such that I really just don’t want to be there. At all.

So here’s my dilemma…

Do I stay or do I go?

view

I’ve started looking at other properties. I think I’d like a house this time around but I most definitely could not afford a house on the esplanade (where I currently am) unless I was prepared to take out a hefty mortgage and get a real job.

Even the kinds of houses I like would require a mortgage… which means a commitment to working.

The whole idea of my seachange (in my early – mid 40s) was to rid myself of debt and commitments. I’ve finally got a (part-time) job that should ultimately allow me to dine out without feeling guilty and – perhaps – at some point… have a holiday.

There are a couple of places I’ve seen which wouldn’t require a significant mortgage… places that are similarly priced to mine. But I don’t feel particularly passionate about any I’ve seen. And part of me hates the idea I’ve been driven out of my apartment by someone who’s problematic. (And could ideally get hit by a bus tomorrow!)

So… although this is a very first world problem and I really have no right to complain about this dilemma, it’s playing on my mind nonetheless. Home no longer feels like home.

Have you ever gotten to the point you’ve hated a place you’ve lived in? Or perhaps a job you’ve been in?
Should I stay or should I go?

I’m making an attempt to get my blogging mojo back by posting EVERY day in April. #holdme

I’m going to be using prompts from a few different challenges underway and today’s is ‘The day I forgot to…’ hosted by Kirsty from My Home Truths.

32 Comments
  • Ruth Hillman-Booth
    April 4, 2016

    You do have an amazing place. The additional costs are exorbitant though! Are you looking for a change for the sake of change? Keep in mind that a house will likely require more adulting too. If you ponder and still want to, then go for it!!

    • Debbish
      April 4, 2016

      I really don’t know. Other stuff aside, I find myself a bit small and am tired of my desk being in my bedroom. I think I’m also struggling with the lack of privacy that comes from apartment living. (My last place in Brissy had its own driveway and entrance.)

      But I think the biggest part of the issue is that I really just can’t stand to deal with certain personalities in the complex (as you know). It’s been the case from several months after my arrival, but has gotten bad lately. There’s been a big change to our body corporate and I’m really happy about those changes. We’ve had some great people move in and the culture’s changed. But… not everyone’s happy about that and not happy about others questioning the way things have always been.

      I’ve looked at a few places and – you know me – I like the unusual. I’ve seen a place I like – but it’s really too big. *SIGH*

  • Denyse Whelan
    April 4, 2016

    I have learned that wherever I go I take me with me.
    This has been my biggest learning experience since I thought selling in Sydney, being mortgage free and renting until we are in a position to buy (inheritance eventually) would help me.
    It has not.
    What I feel is that I do not have a ‘home’ anywhere any more.
    Yet..and here’s the big one…I know now where I do not want to live again…In Sydney. I also know I do not want to rent for long (forced to right now) as I need my ‘security.’
    What I am finding, now we are away from where we lived for more than 35 years is that neither of us wants to ‘go back’ anyway and that slowly we are liking the quieter area where we are.
    I am in transition and whilst it would be good to go out and buy something now if we could, I am still not ready for that final house step either.
    I think you need lists of pros and cons.
    Good luck
    Denyse

    • Debbish
      April 4, 2016

      Thanks Denyse. I’m not sure if my next house will be my final one. Maybe. My folks have been devoted but weren’t well off so there’ll be no inheritance to help out ultimately… but having said that I also don’t really have anyone to leave my stuff to. I just commented to my mother recently saying I could just sell and rent, take holidays etc and spend my money before I did. Of course I might live til I’m 100 and I’d probably run out of rent money by then!

  • Mystery Case
    April 4, 2016

    Not sure what to suggest, other than can you take a step back from being involved with the body corporate.

    We’ve rented for far too long (& rented our house out) due to constantly relocating with work and the work always being contract. That changed last year. Hubby’s work is now perm and we no longer need to move at a moments notice. I can’t wait until our NSW place is sold and we have something of our own over here in Perth.

    • Debbish
      April 4, 2016

      There’s a little house not too far from where I live that wouldn’t need much of a mortgage – it’d be mostly the fees involved… but it just doesn’t grab me. It’s tiny (but it is a house and it’s newish) it’s a street back from the beach (so still close), but…

      • Cathy
        April 4, 2016

        Sounds perfect!

  • Trish MLDB
    April 4, 2016

    It is a beautiful view. Tough choices Deb . Pity we can’t wish away the grievances and those who cause them.

  • Jess
    April 4, 2016

    Sometimes I like to deflect tough choices back to the universe. Totally hippie and illogical (and maybe will explain some of my poor choices). If I find something that feels right and all the ducks line up then I choose that, if I am not feeling it I wait. I would be totally turned off by someone causing body corporate drama though and it would motivate me to get out. I also like to play out scenarios in my head what will staying feel like vs going and being more dependent on work etc.

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      I’m so much the same Jess. I listened to a podcast once with someone whose meditation MP3s I listen to – Jennifer Polle – and she talked about intuitive living and intuitive decision making… what feels good in your gut. And I realised I kinda do that. I weigh things up but then I ultimately go with my gut. (Or heart!)

  • Kirsty @ My Home Truths
    April 4, 2016

    I must confess I disliked living in a unit complex and having to consult the body corporate about anything and everything. But I didn’t have beach views or a communal pool so I can understand why your choice is a difficult one Deb. Thanks so much for linking up this week and good luck with everything – including your ambitious goal of blogging each day in April!

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      And Kirsty I keep changing my mind. I tell myself to suck it up and remind myself of what I love about the place – the view and location – and think I can hang in there; but then something happens and I feel sick and upset and just can’t wait to leave!

  • Kate W
    April 4, 2016

    I reckon sometimes it’s better to set yourself a time limit, wait and see if something changes. Whenever I’ve done this (not often, just the big stuff that I’m reluctant to make a decision about), something forces a change. I’m decisive by nature so throwing decisions over to ‘see what happens’ always feels reckless but when the decision is taken out of your hands, it can be a good thing.
    The time limit is important though, otherwise it could be unbearable. So, perhaps suck it up for another six months and think about selling in spring… If you still want to!

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      I like the idea of the time limit. I guess it only worries me because a couple of places I like the look of could sell by then – but… it could also mean something great comes up before then!

  • Janet Camilleri (@middleagedmama1)
    April 4, 2016

    We are almost at that point where we are now – neighbours, and fighting with Council over filling our block (long story) – means we are just SO OVER IT. I like the house itself but these things have taken the shine off it.

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      Oh yes… as I mentioned in a comment earlier Janet, that happened in my previous apartment as well. I moved in when it was new and LOVED it. But then we had building issues and the original builders were supposedly fixing it but then ran out of money so my place remained half fixed with scaffolding for almost a year while my body corporate got Building Services Australia involved and eventually they appointed new builders to fix the whole place. And my place was one of the last to get done so it was about 2yrs in the end. It was terrible as it caused problems in our complex as well. I had a falling out with another neighbour I’d been close to and used to walk with etc…

  • Kynndra-jo @ Diva Booknerd
    April 5, 2016

    Your place certainly looks amazing, Deb. As I’m still young, I’ve never had to deal with rent or anything like that so I’m not really in a position to say. It’s a real shame that there are people that make your home.. Not your home. I hope you figure it out, bub.

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      Thanks so much… I suspect it comes down to either sucking it up or acting on it!

  • Char
    April 5, 2016

    Just want to clarify one point. Have you or are you planning on driving a bus in the near future? If you have/are I would delete one of your sentences on the grounds that it might incriminate you. I promise I’ll testify on your behalf that I never read it if someone does get hit by a bus.

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      Ha! No plans to drive a bus in the near future Char so I don’t think I’ll need your testimony! 🙂

      Must google voodoo dolls though!

  • charliegirlteachergirl
    April 5, 2016

    That’s so tough, Deb. I understand your overstaying at your mom’s for those reasons. I hated living with the (now ex) fiance’s parents. It was literally like being a house slave while living in a middle school with a hoard of gossipers, whiners and complainers. I think you need to seriously consider your options, but also look for things that are comparable to where you are financially.

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      Oh, that sounds like a horrible living environment. At least when I’m inside my apartment with the door shut I have my privacy. Mostly.

      And you’re right – I need to look at that balance!

  • mintedrogue
    April 5, 2016

    For me it was my first home. It was an awful place, too hot in summer and freezing cold in winter. My husband moved in with me and tolerated it as long as he could before he finally snapped and demanded we move. I’m so glad he did.

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      Yes, I think that’s what I worry a little about… that I stay too long and it starts to impinge on other stuff!

  • Jo
    April 5, 2016

    Think about what you loved about yours in the 1st place (& yes, I’m seriously green eyed about the views) & then step back. If you need to forget to go home a bit more that’s ok too. Maybe you need that break…maybe you need a break…

    • Debbish
      April 5, 2016

      I’m thinking of trying to adopt Kate’s approach – she suggested setting a time limit – just to make sure I’m not reacting. I worry that I’ll miss out on a place I quite like now and one that’s a good buy, but in my saner (less stressed) moments I do wonder if I could wait. A bit.

  • Emily
    April 8, 2016

    That’s tough. When renting and saving for our house deposit, my (now) husband and I lived in a tiny block of units. We shared a wall with a couple who did nothing but scream at each other, day in, day out. I called the police more than once, and was quite scared of being in the unit on my own. Didn’t live there for too long before we bought our place.
    I must admit, I didn’t think much of our place when we build it. But I had faith in builder hubby. He has vision. And now, post-reno, I love it. Absolutely love it. x

    • Debbish
      April 9, 2016

      Oh that’s good Em and I hope it remains that way. I’ve pretty much always gone on gut feeling when I’ve bought the three places I’ve lived in and loved them both (at least for some time).

  • laurelrainsnow
    April 11, 2016

    I had a house in the foothills near this city for thirteen years, and when I bought it, I LOVED it! Even later, I still loved the house and the lawns and the lovely little guest house. BUT….once I retired and was there every day, I hated the neighbors and their pettiness….and “slobbiness.” LOL

    Now I live in a rented triplex condo, part of a larger complex, but separated from the rest. I never see my neighbors. I come in from my garage into the kitchen. No yard work, but a lovely little patio.

    The managers are quick to fix things…and I’ve been here nine years now! I never thought I’d rent this long, but didn’t want to buy again after the real estate market did a dump…luckily, the year after I sold!

    Good luck sorting it all out. You are young enough to make changes and plan for new things. Enjoy!

    • Debbish
      April 11, 2016

      My last apartment sounds like yours Laurel. I had my own driveway and entrance and really didn’t have to see others in my complex. It was like having a house and I vowed I’d never go back to apartment living.

      But, then I made my seachange and the view in my apartment on the beach seemed worth it, but I’m no longer sure.

I'd love to hear your thoughts