I couldn’t help myself the other day. I detest when others play the victim-card on social media (particularly when it’s undeserving… or so says me) and I knew it was such a ‘first world problem’ but I shared this nonetheless.
Amazingly I had a lot of people comment on the fact they could very much relate.
Before the “me too” Instagram comments I’d planned to write something about our pathetic generation… you didn’t see our mothers or grandmothers going on about work / life balance and pondering on their fulfilment. Or lack of it.
Nope. No sirree… they were out there walking miles in the snow to fetch water every day. Working hard to feed their 14 children. Getting shit done.
And yet…
In my navel-gazing, over-thinking ponderous manner I sat down and made a video of sorts. I looked at it after and realised: 1. I really needed to wash my hair; 2. I should plan what I’m going to say and do before I do it; 3. I need to lift my laptop higher so there’s no constant double-chin; and 4. I need to learn how edit videos. (Or at least add filters so I look less blotchy.)
Yesterday and today however, I’ve sat down to write an upbeat blog post for the Lovin Life Linky but this stuff is still on my mind. So I feel kinda stymied. And – in reality – I’ve kinda said (in the video) what it is I’d probably say. So, I’m pulling up my big girl panties and posting it cos hopefully you’ll overlook my weird lisp, eyerolls and scary hair.
I like to think that I have at least recognised this.
I have so much.
I’m very fortunate. My life is (mostly) great. And I shouldn’t even add the ‘mostly’. I’ve decided it’s okay to want more. But… the trick is to be able to do that without losing sight of what we already have.
Are you able to share whether you feel fulfilled in your life? Or do you think it seems overindulgent?
Do you think it’s okay to want ‘more’ IF we are able to appreciate and recognise what we already have?
I’ve joined Leanne from Deep Fried Fruit and some other bloggers to help promote “ageing positively” and the Lovin’ Life mindset across the interwebz. You can link up via any one of us!
July 27, 2017
I think we all go through days where we feel unfulfilled. My problem is that now I’m the age I am I feel like I’m running out of quality years before I completely lose my ability to do things like write, exercise and travel. All of sudden I want to cram all this stuff in before it’s too late! My husband says I’m exhausting because I wan’t to do so much all the time. You have to just take it day by day and try to feel grateful for what you have and what you have achieved. From here it appears that is a lot in your case. 🙂 #TeamLovinLife
July 28, 2017
Thanks Kathy, I’m not sure it appears as if there’s much (achieved) from my end. Nothing important / longlasting anyway. Perhaps it’s just some weird existential mid-life crisis and I’m pondering on my (lack of) legacy.
July 27, 2017
Deb, it is a struggle to get that balance between wanting more and being content with what we have. I don’t have an answer but am aware of the struggle between them in my own life.
SSG xxx
July 28, 2017
I think what surprised me and why I did the post, was because so many people commented on the Instagram post saying they could relate to how I was feeling. I’d also said I felt like I was oversharing putting it on Instagram in the first place, but others suggested it’s good to share the bad with the good.
July 27, 2017
It’s totally human nature. Sure we know we have it good, we are blessed and so many people have it worse than we do. But if you don’t feel bad or down at times, then you don’t realize how good you feel at other times. At least that’s what I tell myself.
XOXO
Jodie
http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
July 28, 2017
I suspect Jodie, it’s good I CAN recognise and appreciate what I do have and think it wasn’t always the case in the past. I’d wallow and think about what I wanted to do / have / be and couldn’t feel any joy or happiness re my life as it was.
July 27, 2017
I have the same (or similar) thoughts and feelings. I feel like I’m stuffing around, wasting time and not achieving what I could be achieving. If only i could work out exactly what it is I am meant to be doing. is it photography focussed or is it writing focussed. Is it both. Is it neither? I am floundering around still dipping my toe here and there but not diving in. #TeamLovinLife
July 28, 2017
Yes Min, same… and what frustrates me the most is that I KNOW I want more but don’t understand why I can’t pursue it. Then I wonder, do I really NOT want to pursue it or want to write more / differently? What’s holding me back? I think it’s too cliched to say ‘fear’ etc…
July 27, 2017
I think it’s fair to say your are not alone. Your thoughts and feelings are perfectly natural and you are a long way ahead of others because you are able to analyse what is going on – well done you. Some days are better than others for all of us and whilst it is so hackneyed it is true that ‘life is a journey’ and very much a learning journey I believe. Continue to reflect on what you have achieved (which is a lot) and try not to beat yourself up too much.
July 28, 2017
Thanks Jan and I think it is good I can now recognise the positives in my life as that wasn’t always the case. I was once too focussed on what I didn’t have (partner, kids, family) to remind myself of what I did have (financial security – vaguely, independence, my health etc).
July 27, 2017
I just want to be totally shallow and say how much I enjoyed hearing you and seeing you (almost in real life!) it still surprises me to see you with blonde hair because your brunette in your profile pic 🙂 As far as fulfilment goes, I am learning to tone down my expectations and I’m trying to be satisfied with the lot I have in life. Every time I start comparing myself to friends on FB etc my world crashes, I’ve just decided to be honest (as you have been) and admit that I don’t have all my s**t together and everytime I get close to that, a wheel (or two) falls off and I have to start all over again – sometimes it sucks, but that’s life isn’t it?
July 28, 2017
I laughed at the blonde comment cos I’m going to a Writers’ conference in a couple of weeks and really wanted to get some professional pics taken beforehand so I had some ‘decent’ blonde-haired pics to use, but it all became too hard. Getting a photoshoot (well, headshots) is one of the things on my ‘before 50’ bucket list so I decided I’d not rush into something as I have until December. But I do need to get a vaguely decent non-selfie to use for my blog and LinkedIn etc..
And I’m so with you on the comparison trap thing. All of my friends seem to be off on overseas holidays and waving kids off to Uni or even welcoming grandkids (though not many of those yet) and I’m still wondering what the hell I want to do with my life and wondering how I’ll possibly get through the day.
July 27, 2017
I feel like I’m underachieving – or not living up to my potential…we’ve had that conversation before…even though I know that to others I’m probably achieving a lot. I, however, feel like I’m “almost there” a lot. As for fulfilled, you know, I think I’m ok on that. I actually like my life. I don’t like my health/weight issues, & maybe that has in the past been the result of unfulfilment or a different sort of hunger. I’m not even sure that any of this makes sense!
July 28, 2017
Oh it does Jo and I think (can’t exactly remember and don’t want to watch it) I mention in the clip that I know I’m worse re eating when I’m feeling unfulfilled or as if I’m underachieving etc… Food is that quick fix and will make everything okay. Although not in the long term obviously. I think it makes a lot of sense that we can feel fulfilled in some parts of our life and not others.
July 27, 2017
It sucks when you feel like this. Although I think I’m mostly fulfilled (now that I actually stop to think about it), I couldn’t put my finger on “why” so I’m afraid I don’t have any wisdom for you. I’m a bit like Kathy, very aware that life is ticking by and so I would like to do more travel while we are young and healthy – esp after seeing my dad’s travels curtailed due to health issues. However hubby doesn’t have that same burning desire. I’ll just have to nag him! LOL
July 28, 2017
I have to admit I’m not hugely desirous of doing a lot of travel Janet. I went to visit my bestie in NZ in December but hadn’t been overseas for about 14 years and had no desire to. Eventually I want to go to Italy but if I had money (now) I’d spend it on my house or pampering stuff or I’d just not work!
July 27, 2017
I’m blessed to have so much and to live a great life too Deb… Yet I still want more. I do express my gratitude for the things I have on a regular basis, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting something more. That’s what drives us. Yes, our mothers didn’t voice their lack of fulfillment, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t there… #justsayin #TeamLovinLife
July 28, 2017
I wonder about older generations Lyndall. It was something that really struck me when I read Mia Freedman’s Work Strife Balance. I can’t remember if she commented on our grandmothers not spending time navel-gazing or whether something she wrote made me think about it. It was a bit of a reminder how lucky we are (well I am) that I can sit back and ponder on the meaning of life etcetera!
July 29, 2017
My philosophy is to always have a goal but enjoy the journey. We only have one life. We are the only people who can control our own feelings. I choose to feel happy. Our grandmas were addicted to Bex powders. I suspect there was a fair bit of introspection going on. Back then if you accidentally married someone you hated you were stuck with them.
July 29, 2017
True… I suspect people just suffered in silence. Or – as you said – consoled themselves with some Bex!
July 29, 2017
I think we all go through this stuff. Some go through it a lot, some go through it a little. Some go through it several times, others just a few times in their lives. Great to hear your voice and your thoughts out loud! What double chin?
#teamlovinlife
July 30, 2017
Argh! It was all I could see. Plus my lisp. And the way I roll my eyes and look up when thinking. I must work out how to edit before I think about videoing again! 🙂
July 30, 2017
Hi Deborah. I think the difference between us and our grandmothers is consumerism. Marketing and social media especially are the main culprits today, but everywhere we look we are being told about all of the things that we have to have or do to make us happy. We’ve all been brainwashed into thinking that what we have is not enough. I feel it too but I go through stages and find that when I switch it all off and shut out all of the outside influences – I am soooooo much happier. x
July 30, 2017
I think that’s very true Shauna. We’re exposed to so much from so many nowadays…. and I realise social media doesn’t help, even though I think it definitely has its place and can play an important role in our lives.