Endings and new beginnings

Friday, September 21, 2012 Permalink

On this day last year, my father made his last ever trip to Brisbane.

After spending nearly two weeks in hospital in my childhood hometown he was transferred here by air. My aunt and uncle watched him being loaded onto a Royal Flying Doctors’ Service plane. ¬†Little did they know that their own glimpse of him, captured via iPhone, would be the last time they were to see him.

After he’d settled into hospital here and undergone even more tests, doctors eventually discovered the cancer which had already spread through his body.

Yesterday, 20 September 2012, would have been mum and dad’s 49th wedding anniversary. When I called last night she and I talked about last year’s anniversary and (when reminded of the date) my dad fretting he had no card for his wife of 48 years.

This time a year ago we didn’t know that dad would only have a month to live.

Would we have done anything differently? Probably not.

My mother camped out at the hospital for the entire six weeks he was there. Although we were all visiting daily towards the end and he’d been in a coma for six days, mum spent his last night with him in Palliative Care. She heard his last breath.

As the first anniversary of his passing approaches, I must confess that things feel a little raw.

I finished up at work today. My place is on the market, I’ve accepted an offer but am waiting to hear about building and finance issues. And… I’ve started looking at places in my future home-to-be – Hervey Bay. Understandably my moods are bouncing from numbness to excitement to an inexplicable urge to cry.

But it’s done. I’m about to start the next phase of my life.

Naturally risk-averse, I’m pretty sure my dad would have been nervous about the decisions I’m currently making. He would have loved to have me closer, but worried about my future.

What I do know though, is that he’d want me to be happy.

So that’s what I’ll be.

 

12 Comments
  • Jo Tracey
    September 21, 2012

    gorgeous gorgeous post Deb. Endings are hard, so are beginnings…but they can be pretty wonderful too.Embrace the feelings- all of them.

  • kelley @ magnetoboldtoo
    September 22, 2012

    The first anniversary is always hard. You are in my thoughts with the endings and the beginnings.

    x

  • Natalie (XLasLife)
    September 23, 2012

    Sending my love. xoxo

  • Jess
    September 25, 2014

    I don’t think you ever get over such a loss, but wow you have come so far in two years. I have no doubts your Dad would be impressed with the changes you have made?

    • Debbish
      September 25, 2014

      He would have loved that I’m closer to ‘home’. xxx

  • Mystery Case
    September 26, 2015

    Thinking of you. xx

    • Debbish
      September 26, 2015

      Thanks Raych. Always feel the absence of my dad though it’s not as painful as it once was. And the finishing work thing feels like a lifetime ago.

  • Denyse Whelan
    September 21, 2016

    I did not know you back then Deb and its been good to know more of your story…and I am saddened seeing this photo of your dad. We dont always know its the ‘last’ time for anything. I am glad that now, you can take comfort in the fact that Dad would be happy to see what you’ve been doing and where you are now living. Warm wishes to you and your Mum xx

    • Debbish
      September 21, 2016

      Thanks Denyse, that’s lovely. He would have LOVED my old spot right on the beach. I can hear him saying (again and again) what a great position it was. And he’s love my new place as well, and its view. I think he’d mostly be happy I was close to ‘home’.

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