I often talk here about my navel-gazing. My pondering. My prevaricating. So obviously I ‘think’ a lot. I’m certainly an overthinker which I think can be a good and bad thing.
But as I live alone (and have done so for 30+yrs) I only notice how much I do it when I’m around others for extended periods of time. Which is the case at the moment.
So it’s timely I’ve been (over)thinking about my (over)thinking as today I came across an article by Courtney Carver on Be More With Less, a page I follow on Facebook linking to articles I quite enjoy.
Courtney talks about purposefully doing nothing as a way of slowing down and being less achievement-focussed, so that what she does pursue is more sustainable.
She comments that ‘doing nothing’ looks different for everyone. For many it’s reading or having a bath or staring into space.
Using that definition I do nothing a lot. But for me (as Courtney suggests) ‘doing nothing’ looks different. If I’m reading or watching television I feel like I’m doing ‘something’. I realise of course that for parents and busy people taking time to do those things in the evening means taking time for themselves and they don’t often get that chance. For some it begs the question of self-care vs self-indulgence.
Photo by Erik Aquino on Unsplash
For me doing nothing involves doing nothing else.
I’m currently staying with my brother, sister-in-law and niece as my mother’s had a triple bypass. (She’s doing very well post surgery by the way.)
I sat on their verandah yesterday for a long time just staring out into the world thinking about stuff. Stuff in general.
Later I was lying on my bed. Not sleeping, just thinking. And it occurred to me I spent much of the day there. Just thinking.
I’m fairly certain some of the thinking was simply procrastinating instead of doing things I should have been doing, but it also felt weirdly productive.
Of course I also realise spending too much time thinking isn’t necessarily a good thing. And I’ve written before about overthinking and the navel gazing spiral of doom. So I wonder at what point does contemplation or doing ‘nothing on purpose’ become unhealthy. Or does that vary from person to person?
February 8, 2021
Self-indulgence… self-care…. I like to call it self-preservation! I think doing nothing is really important – we need time to rest our brains.
February 9, 2021
I agree. And we shouldn’t feel guilty either, as though it’s self indulgent. This guilt about doing nothing instead of always being busy and in motion is something I’ve been working on overcoming since my separation and I feel like I’m really making grounds on it. Perhaps it’s the absence now of someone judging me for doing nothing or perhaps it’s that plus me not pre-emptively judging myself ahead of him judging me. Either way, I am doing nothing more and my mind and body is thanking me for it. And, surprise! Everything else is still getting done too, our little universe is not falling apart because I am taking time out.
February 15, 2021
Your comment reminded me of the fact we worry so much about others judging us and our behaviour and I know I’m very guilty of that. When really it’s no one’s business and (you’re right) we know our own bodies better than anyone.
February 15, 2021
Very true. It’s weird that there’s this concept of questioning whether we ‘deserve’ something.
February 15, 2021
Exactly! It’s not an indulgence!
February 8, 2021
I love my moments when I’m doing nothing, Deb. I think we all need those times when we just stop and stare into space, think if we want to or not. It is good for our minds and our bodies to slow down. However, it is all about balance and just as taking time to do nothing and enjoy that experience is healthy and important so to is keeping ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually active. It’s all about balance which I still struggle to find at 63! I hope your Mum is okay and recovering well. xx
February 15, 2021
Yes, sometimes I need to work on balance in reverse to most people. As I can ponder too much and for too long instead of DOING.
February 8, 2021
Firstly, I don’t think we should think self-indulgence is necessarily negative (that’s some extra layer we’ve added to it, but I don’t think it really needs to be there). The Finns have a saying “No one wastes time thinking” as long as you aren’t spiralling, I don’t think it matters. Thinking is actually an art. Writing is often just putting those thoughts into words to share.
February 15, 2021
I so agree Lydia. As you know – and we had the Twitter conversation about that… I find writing to be really cathartic.
February 8, 2021
A few years ago (maybe, time is meaningless after 2020) I blogged about trying to be bored – it was suggested on some podcast or something and I found it empty and frustrating rather than a good-space thing. I know so much of what I say ends up as “each to their own” but maybe it’s about personal tolerances. Downtime of as much not (over)thinking as possible is also good as I find that’s when things glue themselves properly in my brain.
February 15, 2021
I tend to come up with my best ideas when I flop on my bed. I sometimes think it’s because it’s the only time my mind is not otherwise preoccupied. So, although I have baths etc I never actually just ‘sit’ in the bath. I read or play on my phone etc. So when I lie down my mind suddenly goes into overdrive in both a good and bad way.
February 9, 2021
I reckon there’s a fine line. I’m not good at doing nothing – i feel as though I always have to be doing something but last week I went for a walk before a chiro appointment and instead of walk just sat and watched the ocean – at least until someone interrupted me with a stupid question about which is the best part of the beach for her children. For those 10 minutes I was doing nothing and it reminded me that I actually need to actively do that.
February 15, 2021
I guess that’s why people meditate isn’t it? I used to think it was a waste; I’m yet to master the art but definitely appreciate the concept more now.
February 9, 2021
I would call your bursts of doing nothing, self care. Doing nothing for me is reading but there are times that I feel like really doing nothing. At those times I sit on the verandah with a cup of tea and watch the chooks busily scratching. It’s very calming
February 15, 2021
Perfect choice of words Jennifer – calming. And that’s so true.
February 10, 2021
Glad to read that your mother’s doing well after her surgery. I think as we cycle through different times in our lives, “doing nothing” looks differently. When I was working 60-hour weeks, managing 100 students’ science projects, raising 3 boys, and training for marathons, “doing nothing” was quite different than it is now that I am retired and my boys have moved out. I now have much more time for “navel gazing” and I like it!
February 15, 2021
That’s probably true Laurie. When I worked long hours and franticly I used to not want to see anyone and hunkered down in front of TV or with a book. Now – weirdly – the TV and book things are relegated only to evenings because I feel I should be more productive during the day. Even though I’m unemployed and ‘could’ do both.
February 11, 2021
Like you, I think reading, TV etc is still doing something. I would’ve thought doing nothing would involve sitting and just taking in the surroundings. Being present. Allowing thoughts to come and go without necessarily overanalysing them. I know I struggle with that and I’ve been feeling a bit empty the last few weeks and during my session with my psych this week, I uncovered a few things including insidious ways in which I’ve been avoidant. I think there’s a fine line between “doing nothing” to be able to slow down versus doing nothing in order to avoid. Similarly, self-care/compassion and self-indulgence are different. I think with the latter, from what I’ve read, it’s about not taking responsibility. Neff’s work on self-compassion highlights the difference between that a lot better than what I’ve said.
February 15, 2021
Oh yay Sanch, I’m glad someone gets the doing nothing means NOT DOING ANYTHING thing. I mentioned in another comment that I get most of my ideas etc when I’m lolling on my bed without my phone and doing nothing. It’s like my mind empties of other stuff enough to actually ‘think’ for itself rather than being distracted / forced into certain thoughts. (If that makes sense!)
February 11, 2021
Great post Deb as you can see from your responses. I have had to get a cancer diagnosis to know I can actually sit down for extended periods of time rather than to continue to hear my parents’ chastisement about laziness. I am actually much better, funnily enough, now in what I guess is complete recovery, at making some more movements every day by walking. Liking it for its own sake. I am also becoming better at marching to my own tune. Only took me 70 years. You are much younger and wiser there!
Thank you for linking up your blog post today. Next week’s optional prompt is 7/51 Self Care Stories #1. 15 Feb. In this one, I am using the new category in my blog called Ageing Stories because it was a good fit. Look forward to seeing you there too. Denyse.
February 15, 2021
Ah yes you’re right about the generational change and the concept of being lazy. The idea of stillness and / or meditation or similar 30 or 40yrs ago just wasn’t fathomable. Perhaps technology has saved us / freed-up time (despite also being a time waster) so we have more at our disposal.
February 14, 2021
I find this post very thought-provoking (does that count as doing nothing??)
I spend an awful lot of my time journaling as a self-reflection activity. I used to begin each journal entry judging the day before. I deemed it a “good” day if I was highly productive. I deemed it a mediocre day if I didn’t cross off many items on the to-do list. And I realized this was not beneficial for self-care. Relaxing on the couch with a cup of tea reading a good book IS doing something. Sitting on the porch taking joy in God’s creation IS doing something.
Like I said in the beginning… this post gives me much to ponder. I think it might be the subject of tomorrow’s journaling 🙂
February 15, 2021
I had a conversation on Twitter about this as well Molly and Denyse (who commented above) talked about journalling. I’ve done some in the past but tend to use my blog as an outlet for my ponderings but I do recall that writing freehand was quite cathartic. (I used to reference Julia Cameron’s An Artist’s Way, and her idea of ‘morning pages’ as inspiration.)