I was chatting online with a friend about stuff and we were talking about that fine line. The one which I often cross despite being conscious of its existence.
I’d vented a little ( 🙄 ) on Facebook about a couple of jobs I’d applied for and not gotten as well as the frustration of job hunting in a regional town with limited opportunities.
The friend messaged to say they could understand how I was feeling and was in a similar situation.
In all honesty I was really frustrated in my job search efforts and confidence waning, so I’d really had to rein myself in when moaning on Facebook. And the fact that perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything at all is the entire point of this post.
Many social media users or blog readers comment on the importance of authenticity. They prefer it if those sharing their stories publicly don’t only share the good, but also the bad. And I know from my own blogging history, people appreciate being able to relate to something you’ve shared. It helps us feel less alone.
However… conversely we don’t like those people who do nothing but whinge. Or the vague-booking thing – which I suspect I’ve bordered on lately.
I’ve always been very circumspect about certain things because of my previous work history. I know something I say could come back to bite me. And I continue to be fairly circumspect about most things (politics, religion and the like). I’ve never shared details of work specifics – people or incidents – and often I’ve not even really talked about what I’ve done to pay the bills.
In my online conversation with a friend I explained that, I don’t want to falsely claim my life is perfect and I’m cruising along. I believe in being authentic and most people who meet me in person after knowing me online, tell me I’m pretty much as they expected me to be. (A compliment I hope!)
But on the other hand I’m still looking for a job and need to appear vaguely sane and employable. I’m perhaps even hunting for work as a subcontractor so want companies to know I am reliable and get the job done. That I’m professional. (Or even that I’m hugely successful and highly sought-after!)
So… there’s a certain image I need to maintain and this is certainly the case for most people. We all hear of potential employers who search your social media feeds; and public vs private living is increasingly harder in this online age.
But going back to the other hand. Which would be the first hand or #whatevs… Do we really want to sanitise our lives THAT much?
Is this something you ponder, as a blogger or some who uses Facebook or Instagram and the like?
Linking up with Denyse today.
* Pic from Facebook (@SuspendedCoffeess)
June 17, 2019
It’s very tricky, isn’t it?
My work (counselling) is all highly confidential, so there is really nothing I can share, which makes it somewhat easier. I rarely share anything about my family because I figure they can choose to have an online presence if they want one. I do talk about things I like/ dislike but I try to save the venting for face-to-face convos rather than social media.
Thought a lot about this recently when I discovered that a friend’s social media posts were completely opposite to what was actually happening in her life. When I actually found out what was going on with her, a mutual friend asked if I felt sorry for her. I thought no, I actually felt deceived – don’t post constant photos of holidays and nights in 5 star hotels and dinners out (all tagged #blessed) and expect people to know that you’re having a hard time. It was the inauthenticity that annoyed me.
Have you listened to that podcast Broken Harts? A tragic story about the extremes of life presented on social media versus the reality. Very interesting.
Deb, I think your blog posts show great balance. You celebrate the good times but also show you’re vulnerable. That’s relatable, generous and authentic.
June 17, 2019
When I think about it, I’m good re not talking about my jobs etc, it’s probably more the sharing of me and how I’m perceived (as a blogger and ranter vs in real life) that I worry about.
Interestingly I find myself more honest on my Debbish Facebook page than on my personal Facebook page, conscious that people from school, Uni, work etc are ‘friends’ there. I realise they could easily read my blog or my blog FB page but I’m more the real me than I’m prepared to me on my personal page.
June 17, 2019
I don’t really ponder it any more. If people don’t like what I post publicly (which I don’t think is particularly wild) then they’d bloody hate working with me! It’s just another filter for me. Having said that, I also know I mute myself (in many ways, not just SM) when I’ve been in that place of reallllllyyyyy needing work yesterday. I find it hard to come back from that muting of myself.
June 17, 2019
I deleted an entire paragraph or three about the stuff I filter from my feed that’s more opinion-based about stuff happening in the world. I’ll share non-contentious stuff and ‘like’ the more contentious stuff if appropriate. And I won’t comment on other people’s posts I don’t agree with.
I had to get security clearances when I worked for the Commonwealth Government and more so when I went on a diplomatic posting so have always been conscious of the opinion-oriented points-of-view / beliefs. I usually comment on the fact that my ‘line in the sand’ is stuff I wouldn’t want easily found if I was to become a politician (for eg).
I guess at the moment my focus is more re what I share about how I’m feeling / reacting to stuff etc…
June 17, 2019
I think occasionally you have to let it all out, and I get irritated with people that then try to make you feel bad for it. We are people and life is tough and I don’t think pretending it isn’t helps anyone. So whinge away and then when it’s all good, gloat or revel in your happiness. We’re all just in one big wheel – when we are up we shouldn’t forget what it’s like when we’re down and when we’re down, we shouldn’t begrudge people who are up…#Lifethisweek.
June 18, 2019
It occurs to me that I’m probably more concerned about how I’m perceived than those who might read my posts or social media updates…. so ponder why is it that I feel I need to keep up some facade. Or at least feel like I should be (even if I want to be more honest). #ifthatmakessense
June 17, 2019
I’ve been dealing with this too Deb – wanting to write the real (and beyond belief) details of why I left my sucky job, but there’s all the privacy issues and not slandering someone – even if it’s in your own defence etc. People (non-bloggers) often remark on how they are surprised at how much of my life I share online, maybe it seems less like that to us because we’re so used to writing, commenting, etc. I have pulled back a bit and I’m fairly careful with what I say, but it’s me and it’s my life and blogging has been a great way to process it all.
That being said, I rarely put anything on FB and never engage in online opinions/discussions about anything remotely contraversial, because there is always someone waiting to be offended or waiting for a fight – and TBH I just can’t be bothered with that stuff.
Good luck with the job hunt – the waiting can be really sucky though xx
June 18, 2019
I’m the same Leanne – I’ve never really bitched about work (other than being busy) and rarely talked about what I’ve done (other than work in government / project management etc). I’ve also normally not been Facebook friends with ‘colleagues’ (unless they’re also friends) while I’ve worked in a place. Most of my ex-work-related FB friends only were added once I’d left a place. (I hate merging the personal and public stuff in that respect as it never ends well!)
June 17, 2019
I ponder this a bit and, as you know, don’t speak about the specifics of my day job. There is a fine line & I think we need to be authentic. I try & dwell on the good in the public arena, but that’s how I am with my friends too – I’ve always had difficulty in reaching out if things aren’t great or even in saying anything even to really close friends until things move beyond not great to the poit where I’m really overwhelmed. I think in this whole world of 6 degrees of media separation we have to still be preofessional-ish. I too won’t talk about politics, religion, sex or even sexual orientation on a public forum & I turn off from Facebook those who feel the need to bang their causes & opinions down my throat.
June 18, 2019
I’m the same re work specifics and engaging in anything too political. Well, I probably make an exception for the current US President, cos…
But I’m usually able to compartmentalise my feelings as they’re usually weight-related or to do with writing or inspiration. I’d like to think a potential employer won’t care that I can’t resist brownies for breakfast. (Although… that probably means I’m unlikely to get a job at a health retreat any time soon. Which is probably a good thing!) 😉
June 17, 2019
Having said all of that. You have good balance in your blogs & I don’t see anything wrong with sharing those frustrations. Likewise, I’d like to hear yu yell from the trees about it when things fall into place. Ok, I think I’ve said what I need to say now.
June 18, 2019
I’ve actually got a follow-up piece to this (which is how the ‘conversations with friends’ bit came about) which will reflect less-well on me I think and I’m trying to decide whether to post it. I don’t think it’s dire but it’s kinda pondering on things I’ve not coped with well.
June 17, 2019
I think it’s a fine line and it’s all about balance. I must say I’m a lot more restrained with my personal Facebook than my blog Facebook page and I work on the premise that if I do share personal stuff, it’s stuff I’m happy about everyone seeing. If I write about personal stuff, I try to only write about personal stuff that concerns me because I feel icky writing about the feelings/problems of others or those around me. I’d much rather someone be open and honest than vague booking any day of the week! And as for your social media sharing – I think you’re perfectly entitled to feel frustrated after your job hunting!
June 18, 2019
I’m exactly the same Sam, on the personal vs public page thing and others I know find it weird I’m far more ‘me’ on my public page. Like I said I guess there are ‘friends’ I only know a little (or who once knew me – or thought they did) on my personal FB page and I like it for that element – keeping up with what everyone’s doing. I will mention that I’ve not yet found a job or similar but probably am not quite as self-deprecating (and sarcastic) as I am on my blog and Debbish social media platforms. I’m kinda like a better-behaved version of me there. Like the kind you’d bring home to meet the parents.
June 17, 2019
Oh boy can I relate. This is the struggle of the blogger. Trying to be authentic but not crossing the line into risky oversharing. I try. I try to be honest and truthful. If I’m feeling down I say so. If I’m happy I say so. I put forth my opinions within reason (I avoid politics because my skin is not thick enough). BUT … there are some lines I can’t cross. Firstly, hubby does not want to be online so I don’t mention him much and certainly don’t post photos of him. And … I respect the privacy of my kidults. I post some photos of when they were little and rarely post any of them as they are now. Actually never really though my daughter let me post one of her with me in Melbourne just recently. Aside from these things, I personally am aware of protecting my safety – often not posting where I’ve been/were until I have left and trying to not give away my address etc. I also am always VERY aware that there are relatives reading what I write – including my mother, sisters, brother, aunts, cousins and friends and old work colleagues and so on and so on. I find it MUCH easier having strangers or fellow online friends reading what I write then relatives or long term real life friends. The answer is finding a balance – trying to share as openly as I want to but ensuring I keep it so that I am comfortable for all those people just mentioned to read it. Not always easy but I try. After saying all that … I think what you share on your blog is just fine … it’s best to be authentic and talk about real life as it is … just always keeping in mind who could be reading, your own safety, and what you personally feel comfortable with.
June 18, 2019
Unless it’s something v.positive, I usually check with my mum if I’m going to write about her. I rarely identify friends with whom I have conversations and find you’re able to be vague enough that people won’t know who you’re talking about.
As a complete aside, I also sometimes check with my mum if I’m writing about my dad but I recently went to an author event with Vicki Laveau Harvie (who wrote the Stella Award winning The Erratics – a memoir) and she talked about conversations with her sister before publishing. But even though she was sharing ‘their’ story, she felt she was sharing ‘her’ version of it and that was well within her rights.
June 17, 2019
Great thought provoking questions Deb! I don;’t know what the answer is but we all have the right to be ourselves online and I really get annoyed at those who aren’t authentic and play the game! I’m known as a bit of straight talker and can be quite blunt at times but I know there some lines I can’t cross. It seems to be getting harder to mention certain things without overthinking it. It is hard and i wish you luck! Sorry I don’t have any answers but all the comments so far have been great! #lifethisweek
June 18, 2019
Hi Deb and I try to be honest about most stuff, otherwise… what’s the point. When I had my diet blog (Diet Schmiet – which I subsumed into here) I always had a lot of nice comments from people saying that they were feeling the exact same way etc and I often find that sharing something you think is weird is a good way of finding out you’re not alone.
I guess at the moment it’s about finding the balance between sharing what I really feel (as it relates to job hunting, opportunities, how I’m perceived) with the extent to which I DO worry about how I’m perceived. I said to my mother yesterday that I feel like a big fat loser at the moment and didn’t expect ‘this’ would be my life. But in the same breath I realise I have a lovely house and car (all of which I paid for by myself as a life-long singleton) and that I’ve had some interesting jobs. And… I have to remember that I’m the one who decided to move to a small regional town with fewer opportunities. So… I shouldn’t be complaining and need to think of my circumstance as less dire than I do when feeling low.
June 17, 2019
I’m blatantly about escapism on social media. But I do like to keep things as authentic as possible on the blog. But I’m also flexible about it all so sometimes I reverse the boundaries. Keeps things interesting!
SSG xxx
June 18, 2019
It’s funny as I used to be a Twitter fanatic and rarely used Facebook and Instagram (I’m less of a visual person, so I was all about the words) but that’s changed a little for some reason. I liked being able to share random thoughts on Twitter and it would probably be a better venting tool for me than Facebook so perhaps I need to get back into it.
I’m not great at the ‘branding’ thing on social media. I know experts say stick to your theme and brand but as this blog isn’t a business my page FB and Instagram feeds are an eclectic mix of innocuous rants, funny memes, food-I’m-about-to-eat pics, TV bingeing and books!)
June 18, 2019
PS. I should mention my Instagram consumption is almost entirely #vanlife pics and #tinyhouse or home decor, with a few authors thrown in!
June 19, 2019
Yep definitely a fine line … we have been through some very difficult times this past 12 or so months and while I’ve mentioned it’s been tough, I haven’t gone into any more detail than that. It’s frustrating to go through “stuff” and not be able to vent or get sympathy, and to feel like nobody knows or understands what you are going through. Personally, I am glad to say we seem to be over the worst of it now hooray.
June 20, 2019
That’s good news Janet. I tend to bottle certain things up (biggest fears, feelings) but vent about stuff that happens and it is sometimes a very fine line.
June 19, 2019
It is a tricky and obviously interesting topic. I have always had concerns about how potential employers use FB to check people out. Maybe as almost everyone is on it these days it doesnt matter as much. In 2016 when I refreshed my blog and its purpose, I took out all family posts and photos. Back in 2010-2014/5 I wrote and posted a fair amount about family but when family issues arose and there was change it was time for me to blog differently. I do ask permission for any images I use on-line these days from the people themselves where appropriate.
So good to have you join in again!
Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week we are HALF-way in our #ltw prompts for 2019 and this one is Share Your Snaps. Hope to see you there! Denyse.
June 20, 2019
I think I’ll join next week to do the second part of this one Denyse. I was going to write it for the Thursday Lovin’ Life linkup but not sure I’ll get it done… as I need to arrange my thoughts first (because I need to work out how much to share! #ironic).
June 19, 2019
I hear you – I tread that fine line between being authentic to having to watch what I say. Most bloggers I’ve met have said I’m exactly like how I present on the blog but I am also aware I have toned it down a notch because of work and other stuff. I recently put my foot in my mouth on my personal FB page however and was sent a private message by someone I work with telling me I was breaching code of conduct – so I kept the shared article but removed my comments. I guess yes, it’s tough trying to be authentic while also professional
June 20, 2019
Eek, that would be hard. I often see people commenting on things that they probably shouldn’t comment on given its impact on their work or their profession – or whingeing very publicly about work (and not its busyness, but about what they do) and am reminded that venting isn’t always a good thing. You’re like me though – and live alone, and it means there’s no one else to debrief with sometimes!