I like being organised and making lists, but generally they’re more like checklists or ‘to-do’ lists. And for the present or immediate future.
Yet for someone who is very anal about planning and feeling in control, I’m also weirdly averse to making commitments.
I’m the sort of person who refuses to book their next eyebrow wax or hair appointment in advance cos it seems impossible to know what could be happening six or eight weeks into the future. Instead I do what all sane people do: I ring when desperate, find there’s a two week wait so hack at my own hair instead. (As an aside: my hairdresser judged my efforts at cutting the back of my hair to be ‘okay but crooked’ last visit!)
I should mention I’m okay at scheduling work events in advance. I simply diligently place them in my diary. There’s usually no choice – but anything else stresses me to the max.
Last year it was announced that Rick Astley was coming to Australia. I was excited as I had the HUGEST crush on him at school and Uni. (Yes I am that old!)
A friend and her friend were keen to go. And next thing tickets were bought. Nooooooo, wait! I wanted to shout. I need to think about it more. And then some more. And then probably not bother. Somehow I’ve purposely managed to keep this commitment from my mind since. The friend’s friend messaged recently about logistics. “Uhhh… when’s it on?” I had to ask as all I’d taken in at the time was ‘sometime in 2020’.
It’s not uncommon for someone, for example, to ask if I’m free… {insert date weeks or months into the future here}. And I’m like… “How am I supposed to know? You can’t ask me that!”
I wondered once if I rail against others committing me to things; but that doesn’t seem to be the case.
When I was going to Italy in 2018 I procrastinated about booking travel and accommodation for a long time. I booked my international flights early – then ended up out of pocket because I had to make changes (thanks to my job at the time). But I was hamstrung over the rest of it. I kinda knew where I wanted to go, but was loath to commit.
Until I really had to. Many of my bookings were made less than a month before I travelled (though I knew when I was going a year in advance). A couple of my friends were seriously freaked out. Me being me, once I did have them booked, printed a nice itinerary with contact info and booking details. So… ultimately anal.
I recently wrote about FOBO and wonder now if it plays a role. My perfectionism rearing its ugly head and me worried I’ll make the ‘wrong’ decision. Commit myself to something I don’t want to do. Fear something better comes along?
Perhaps I’ve made such huge changes throughout my life it’s impossible to predict what might be coming. Or maybe I’m just apathetic and introverted and just wanna stay home?
Meanwhile… I need to make a call about a haircut. Or find my kitchen scissors.
Are you a long-term planner or commitment-phobe? Or somewhere in between?
February 10, 2020
Sometimes I feel we are twins separated at birth… 🙂 You have exactly described my fear of locking things in. My whole life I have never known what’s just around the corner. Need to stay nimble, backpack ready. An approach which no longer works for me, with kids, a job, and a mortgage.
February 10, 2020
That’s true Kali. You might have seen I tried to explain it to someone on twitter…. locking in something too far in advance stresses me and makes me feel anxious. Then I tend to start to dread it until it’s over. Even if it’s something enjoyable.
February 10, 2020
I have the same reluctance to book in hair dresser appointments and normally ring at the last minute when I urgently need a cut etc. As a result I end up accepting the apprentice doing my hair instead of my favourite hair dresser who is booked out weeks in advance.
February 10, 2020
I used to go to a beautician in another life that basically required you to book the next appointment in and it stressed me because I never knew if I’d definitely ‘need’ the treatment then. Or if I’d be free. (Even though I’d usually make it on a Saturday morning etc when I could plan around it!).
Incidentally my hairdresser is closed today so I really really should ring tomorrow.
February 10, 2020
I’m in between. I prefer not to schedule anything unless I absolutely have to. Most of my health and leisure activities are on my own time and terms 🙂 Travel is something I like so booking a trip is usually a pleasure. Personal appointments like haircuts and such, I wait until I want to go. Fortunately, my hair is low maintenance so if I grow it for another week, no harm done. #lifethisweek
February 10, 2020
I actually took this entire section out of the post about instant gratification – an issue for me… esp re unhealthy eating vs long term health. I suspect the ‘chore-like’ appointments (hair, eyebrows etc) are things I’m apathetic about until I get desperate and then it’s almost too late already.
When I used to go to the gym regularly I was a fan of routines, so used to go to the same classes all of the time. (And at one point I used to go most weekday lunches so blocked out time in my work diary. I worked longer days then and it meant I didn’t mind early starts and late finishes as I’d gotten some exercise done at lunch!)
February 10, 2020
I’m a long term planner and over thinker. Striving for a happy balance with that and living more in the moment.
SSG xxx
February 10, 2020
That’s interesting as I’m certainly an overthinker. Not a long term planner though. And when I was about to write why the thing that popped into my head then was, “I don’t trust life enough.” Which is kinda interesting.
February 10, 2020
For some reason my comments didn’t stick last time. Anyways, what I said was that I book things like hair in advance – I have a year’s appointments booked in for each month. Otherwise I forget and then can’t get in. I have to pre-plan because my focus is so bad that I’d otherwise get nothing done. But in other ways I’m scared of commitment – I resisted moving from casual employment to permanent part-time for years – because I was afraid of the commitment. Go figure.
February 10, 2020
I think I’d be the opposite about the job thing – the permanency would win out (I think). I guess I do go ahead and put appts in my calendar so I can plan around them but having something in advance in my calendar still stresses me and feels like a huge weight on my shoulders…. something I HAVE to do. Even if it’s something fun.
February 10, 2020
I find the same thing Deb – I put off an outing because it all seems too hard and maybe it won’t happen and it will all go away. The thing is though, that when I actually get off my tail feathers and go to something almost every single time I’m glad I made the effort. The longer I’m at home in my own space, the harder it is to put myself out there on a regular basis.
February 11, 2020
I tend to find, as something I’ve committed to gets closer I feel an increasing sense of dread, but then it’s over and really was an anticlimax or quite painless.
February 10, 2020
I can totally relate! Since my cancer diagnosis I’ve been a lot more spontaneous and much less keen on long term plans. I don’t mind booking in hairdressers’ appointments and the like but booking concerts or holidays a year in advance makes me a bit twitchy. That said if it’s a performer I really want to see, I’ll usually buy the tickets and appease myself knowing that if I get thrown a curve ball, I can always sell them on, that’s the worst case scenario. Holidays are a bit more tricky and these days I don’t like to plan them more than a few months in advance although my FOMO is real so once I have a trip booked I like to dot all my i’s and cross all my t’s! And the flip side of being a commitment phobe is that you can really embrace being spontaneous which really is a wonderful thing! Side note: I bet Rick Astley would be great live!
February 11, 2020
I’m not sure I embrace spontaneity as much as I’d like Sammie, but there’s no reason I shouldn’t. I tend to think of it as a negative thing (hence talking about instant gratification – taking on negative connotations) but spontaneity is a bit more about living in the now…
PS. Years ago I’d recorded Rick Astley hosting RAGE on ABCTV and his music taste was very eclectic. I loved that he also made fun of himself and his image back then!
February 11, 2020
Deb I’m a constant late appointment maker for the hairdresser. Mainly because there’s other things I’d rather do. This is why I’ve stopped having my hair coloured and let the greys shine through. As for an overseas trip, I usually book as soon as I know I’m going so I can’t change my mind. I do love itinerary planning. #lifethisweek Sharing
February 12, 2020
It’s weird Jennifer… I should love itinerary planning but I don’t. When I was going to Italy I found it really stressful and I think it was the FOBO thing – worried I’d make the wrong decision and miss out on something. If it was going to be my only trip there I didn’t want to have regrets.
Although once I know what my plans are I tend to be very pedantic about the detail. (And in previous lives I often had to prepare itineraries for government officials etc which suited my personality perfectly!)
February 11, 2020
It depends on what it is for me. Some things are in advance and others aren’t.
February 12, 2020
True… a friend was talking the other day about specialist appointments and the lack of options here (her mum has been waiting 5mths to see a neurologist after having a stroke!).
February 12, 2020
I am the type to re-book my hair/wax/massage appointments at the time and in advance. I love the order of knowing they’re scheduled and in the diary, but I’m lucky in that now that I’m retired my time is more flexible and I can work things around more than when working! I do like to be spontaneous at times and love that flutter of nerves not having accommodation booked at the last minute or travel plans going awry! What can I say, we’re all different aren’t we? #lifethisweek
February 12, 2020
Very true Deb. And you’ve reminded me I STILL haven’t contacted my hairdresser… so I’m going to do that right now!
February 12, 2020
I relate to this whole post about 10,000%
I will look up things that are happening that I’ll want to do, then not buy tickets or book a spot because “I need to think about it”. Then I don’t end up going.
And I NEVER book a hair or waxing appointment in advance. Even though I know that I’ll decide a week out that my eyebrows look ridiculous or my hair is way too long, and then won’t be able to get an appointment for at least a fortnight, if I’m lucky.
I am all about the last minute! #Lifethisweek
February 12, 2020
Yep, I can very much relate!!! I do the same thing re events. Overthink them way too much and miss out. Although I have to say it’s rare that I’ve regretted missing out on some event or similar.
My eyebrows have needed a wax for at least a few weeks and I figure I’ll just put it off cos I rarely go anywhere special / see anyone who’d care. I must admit my hair is starting to annoy me though so it’s probably more urgent.
February 12, 2020
I understand this and used to be a “book everything in advance” person but…I got more anxious about travel etc (as I have written about many times!) in 2015-early 2017 which led me to become more reclusive than I ever have been. I am somewhat better now, but even deciding on something a bit out of my comfort zone (which was not like me years ago) such as booking a weekend away leaves me anxious.
What I do know though is I cannot bear to have to try to be fitted in for my now awesome hair cutter and so I have 4 weekly appointments till next year and the same with the podiatrist because he is hard to get into.
Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week is 7/51 T: Telling Self-Care Stories #1. 17.2.2020. Hope to see you there AND the next 10 prompts are on the home page now! Denyse.
February 13, 2020
My father was always really anxious about travel and logistics and I suspect I inherited a lot of that (as if it seeped into my skin and through my veins). He was an obsessively organised person though so definitely booked stuff in advance – had less fear of uncertainty than I did it seemed!
February 16, 2020
I reckon it is FOBO that gets in the way of making a decision/committing to a decision. I see a lot of anxious clients who struggle with decision making too because of the fear of making the ‘wrong’ decision and it’s almost surprising to them that we actually will never be able to tell whether something is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ until it happens and so they go through life trying as best as possible to not make a choice, also not realising that that’s a choice in itself. But it is a safer choice for them. For some other people, it also comes down to having to take responsibility for decision sometimes – so if I choose something and it doesn’t work out, I’m going to have to hold myself responsible but if someone else makes that decision for me, I can blame them. So many reasons, eh!
While I’m someone who can be very spontaneous, that includes making spontaneous decisions about something that might be months ahead. For instance, I just booked tickets for Trent Dalton in conversation with Annabel Crabb in Jun because I knew it would sell out and even if something comes up at the time, at least for now, I have the tickets.
February 17, 2020
A friend messaged me on the weekend to ask if I wanted to go to something in August. I almost said… “Did you not read my post last week? August?!”
Having said that I’m looking at a writing festival in July that would require me to book ahead. I guess I worry as work’s a bit tenuous at the moment and it might end up being something I can’t afford when the time comes.