Askhole – asking for advice and ignoring it

Saturday, May 5, 2018 Permalink

I often ask for advice. Indeed, I’m more than happy to admit my inadequacies or insufficiencies and ask to be pointed in the right direction. I mean, I’m not good at actually asking for help, or for someone to DO something for me, but advice, yes… no worries.

And it’s something I’ve done often here.

However it occurred to me recently (and I know my brother gets annoyed at me about this very issue) that I don’t always heed the advice I receive.

I’ve pondered upon this today: I often ask for ideas about tradesmen to use, furniture to buy or help in comprehending my antipathy towards dating. And so forth. 

And then I either procrastinate and do nothing about it. Or I make up my own mind anyway.

After the aforementioned pondering I’ve realised this isn’t because I disregard the advice of others and hate you all. Well, not really. It’s more that I’m actually good at knowing what I don’t want but not great at knowing what I do want; or not good at admitting it.

(And incidentally, I’ve actually said as much on my online dating profile.)

I talked about this ages ago when I was reading Dominique Bertolucci’s The Happiness Code. One of her recommendations for those stuck with knowing what they DO want is to work out what they DON’T want. And I’ve only just realised it’s something I do all of the time.

Most recently it’s come up re travel plans and home decorating. I’ve asked friends for info or their opinions. And I’ve gone ahead and done something (else) anyway.

Initially I worried that I stored too much faith in my own taste or decision-making ability (the latter being a worry, quite frankly!). Or that I’m so incessantly independent I can’t bear for others to play a role in making decisions about my life.

Errr, well… actually that could partly be it!

But I think it’s also that I hear suggestions from others and my intuitive decision making ability (ie. gut instinct) kicks in. What others say either resonates or doesn’t. If the advice isn’t consistent with my gut instinct I’ll usually hold off, unless I was just really seeking reassurance and will do whatever the fuck I want anyway.

askhole - asking for advice

This is all a very long-winded way of saying…. if I ever ask for advice and ignore it (which this Meme says makes me an ASKHOLE), just know, it’s not you. It’s me.

Are you an advice-seeker? Do you listen to others; or are you a heart / head gal like me?

The Lovin’ Life team includes:

50 Shades of Age | Seize the Day Project | And Anyways | Write of the Middle | Deep Fried Fruit.

  • Kate W
    May 5, 2018

    Ha, very interesting! Someone close to me always asks advice and then does the opposite of whatever I suggest. I have stopped giving them advice – what’s the point?!. It infuriates them. I say “If you want reassurance, I can give you that but don’t ask my advice and then ALWAYS do the opposite – it makes me think you don’t value my input and that you’re asking for the sake of it.” If I’m feeling particularly cranky I say “Work it out for yourself, you always do anyway.”

    That sounds harsh, I know, but we all have our limits and the repeated play-out of the same scenario doesn’t make me feel good (but I guess they’re feeling reassured!).

    • Debbish
      May 7, 2018

      I think that’s why my brother gets frustrated with me, though I think most of my requests for advice are a little less directed at someone, than at the world in general – like on Facebook. But I did have a conversation with someone about an element of home design recently when she gave me her opinion – opposite to what I was thinking. And even though I see her point I still like my idea…. if that makes sense! (And I’m not sure even why I prefer my original idea!)

  • Jan Wild
    May 5, 2018

    I love the concept of Askhole 😉 I think it is reasonable to canvas other’s opinions and then make up your own mind. We certainly do that when planning travel – lots of reading and questioning but ultimately making it up for ourselves. I guess given you know your own mind you have to ask yourself what it is that causes you to keep asking for advice – is it a lack of confidence in your own judgement?

    • Debbish
      May 7, 2018

      Very good point Jan and yes I think so. It’s interesting as I tend to know what I want to do but feel like I need the reassurance or need to be more certain of my own decision. Interestingly I struggle more with little decisions than big ones. (Although that’s probably common… if it matters less in general we’re more likely to seek input of others… whereas leaving a job or town is probably something we need to decide for ourselves!)

  • Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit
    May 8, 2018

    LOL, An Askhole!!!! That’s so funny. I can’t even concentrate on your post because I’m laughing so hard at the title. Askhole. I would never have guessed you were an askhole.

    I am sooooo going to use that in a sentence this week. Now I just have to find an Askhole to chat with.

    Feel like a cuppa Deb?

    • Debbish
      May 8, 2018

      Hmph! Perhaps I’ve turned over a new leaf and am no longer asking for advice at all! 😉

I'd love to hear your thoughts