Are we kidding ourselves?

Saturday, November 10, 2012 Permalink

When people ask me what I’m doing now that I’m ‘not-working’ I tell them I’m having a bit of a break and pursuing some passions. For a while.

“I write and blog,” I tell them.

I cannot bring myself to say, “I am a writer,” or “I am a blogger.” Though I am, I realise. Well… I am a blogger.

It’s not something I’m even vaguely ashamed of, in fact I’ll tell anyone I blog. Though I was a bit startled when my old boss – an important person in the overall scheme of things – mentioned having checked out my blog.

“Faarck!” I thought and wondered what inane things I’d been writing about.

I recently wrote (in my diet blog, Diet Schmiet) about the fact that I felt a bit impatient to start this new life… this life which supposedly involves following my dreams and writing… something.

In that post I explained that I found myself in a bit of a quandary about making money from writing and monetizing my blogs etcetera.

Mostly I wondered if I was kidding myself. I mean, I do not expect to make a fortune from my blogging, but (I must confess) I do fantasise about the idea of making a living from writing… something.

At the very end of the recent Problogger Training Event in Melbourne Mr Problogger himself, Darren Rowse, had all 300 participants pour out into the stadium seats at the conference venue (Etihad Stadium). Obviously though it felt like we were large in number, we were dwarfed in the 74,000 seat stadium.

Darren reminded us that bloggers could fill those seats many times over.

“You are not alone,” he said, reminding us we are part of something bigger. Something important.

It is so very true.

But, later alone in my hotel room I crashed back down to earth.

“Who the fuck do I think I am?” I wondered, “I am just one of gazillions who blog. Why should ANYONE read what I write?”

I remembered the other 299 (or so) people hanging on the speakers’ every word. It occurred to me that most of those attending were wanting to take their blogging to the next level – if they aren’t already there. Most wanted their blogging to be more than a hobby.

Tweeting Blogging Amazing“I blog because I like to write,” I say. But I also blog because I want people to read what I write. Obviously. Otherwise I’d keep a friggin’ diary and never promote my blogs via scheduled bloody tweets.

I was reminded of attending my first ever writers’ festival – back in the early-mid 2000s. I’d started participating in writing courses and had the usual fantasies. (No, not THOSE ones involving George Clooney, rather the “I’m gonna write a successful novel!” kind of daydreams).

I turned up to the first session of the festival to hear a panel of speakers talk about writing. And I was gobsmacked. There were hordes of people. Hordes of hordes. Hundreds of seats were taken with many standing. People of all shapes, sizes and ages. People who – evidently – also had a dream.

I looked around and became depressed. I felt small and insignificant.

“Who the fuck did I think I was that I was going to be the one who wrote the bestseller. Revered by millions around the world (my book, not me!), Booker Prize to my name… veging by a beach somewhere making money doing something I love.” (And yes, that last bit is a bit strange, cos… well you know, I have just moved to the beach!)

I wondered if others were thinking the same. Or perhaps their own ego was such that they KNEW they were going to be the one in gazillion who had a book published. Or who had articles accepted and received actual money in exchange for their words.

I definitely didn’t. And I most certainly didn’t a month ago in Melbourne while looking around at a sea of enthusiastic bloggers.

Bloggers also come in many shapes, sizes and styles – and I’m not talking about a niche: although on that note, I’m mostly niche-less (or are there niches for ‘people who love television and reading’ and ‘failed dieters’?).

There are those who I suspect blog because they love photography and need a vehicle for their creations. There are those who have a certain area of expertise and want to share information; or those who want to engage with other like-minded people from afar. There are those (I hope) like me, who just like to write and hope that someone else likes what and how they write. And then there are those who blog just because ‘everyone else is doing it’. Some write well. Some well ummm… not-so-well; but they still write.

What exactly do I have to offer, I wonder?

Again, I’m not convinced that I will make some semblance of a living from blogging, but (unfortunately) it’s more than likely I won’t be able to do it from writing either.

I’m reminded of JK Rowling’s many failed attempts to have Harry Potter published and actors and artists of many kinds who were tortured by years of rejection before success. In fact there are some out there for whom I suspect much of their  success is from determination and doggedness, as much as talent.

“Hanging in there” however, is obviously half of the battle. But at some stage I believe you need to stop and wonder if you’re kidding yourself.

Or do you?

I mean, does it matter if you spend your life writing without an audience if you actually enjoy it?
Is it a bad thing that – although I haven’t even started ‘trying to make money from writing’ yet – I’m wondering when I should quit?

 

21 Comments
  • Caroline
    November 10, 2012

    This is exactly how I feel, every day! On good days I’m content to remember I blog because I like to write. On bad days I gaze at the stats and wonder why I bother…
    Keep going, even if it’s just for you x

    • Debbish
      November 10, 2012

      Thanks Caroline. I wondered if it was just me!

  • Liz
    November 10, 2012

    I reckon blogging and writing is such a funny beast. There are some posts I really try with (and get nowhere) – then I write something off the cuff about activated almonds on Monday, get smacked down and my stats have tripled over the last week. All over a post where I was just crapping on.

    My theory is don’t look at the stats – just write about whatever you feel like 🙂

    • Debbish
      November 10, 2012

      Yes…. but sadly if I want to monetise then people really care about the stats!

  • Shambolic Living
    November 10, 2012

    Go for it! I have the exact same quandary. I sometimes wonder what I could achieve if I gave writing the same time and commitment I give my real world job. Then I try to remember many great works where created in fits and starts around other obligations. Take this opportunity and earn yourself the right to put “writer” on your biz card – you have already earned the title “blogger”.

    • Debbish
      November 10, 2012

      Thanks for that… and as of 7 weeks ago I no longer have the commitment of a ‘real world job’ (for a while anyway!).

      Deb

  • Nikki @ Styling You
    November 10, 2012

    Most often the only person getting stuck between ourselves and our dreams is ourselves. You are a talented writer – keep writing and working towards your dream and don’t be afraid if how that dream looks changes.

    If I’d stuck with my original dream, I’d still be stuck. My dreams changed, I got some great help with self belief and now love getting up and doing this thing every day.

    • Debbish
      November 10, 2012

      Yes Nik, in my dieting world I’m talking about needing a routine but keeping it flexible.

      PS. Am interested in your comment about getting help with the ‘self belief’…

      Deb

  • ...love Maegan
    November 10, 2012

    The bottom line is that even if you never see a penny, you do it because you love it, because you are passionate about it, and above all, because it makes you happy. If none if these things exist without a paycheck, that’s when you ask yourself the question and reevaluate your time spent.

    • Debbish
      November 11, 2012

      True Maegan. I’ve been blogging for 4+ years and never even thought about monetising until this year – and only now seriously. And my blogs went unpromoted and unread for years, so I guess I just did it cos I loved it.

      Deb

  • Jodi Gibson
    November 10, 2012

    I’ve only just got my head around calling myself a writer. I think the same. Who am I to call myself a writer?? But I write, so I am. I am also a true believer in the power of positive thinking. Keep writing as they say….build it and they will come. Or should that be write it???

    • Debbish
      November 11, 2012

      Hi Jodi and I think I said something in the earlier post I linked this one to about… writing what I think others want to hear vs writing what I want to write (which reminds me of the ‘write it and they will come’). Surely if I’m being authentic and writing for ‘me’ then that should be enough… surely?!?!?

  • Satu
    November 11, 2012

    Well, I believe that you can actually have a successful blog writing about “shoe laces”. If you write interestingly about shoe laces, people will flock to your blog to read about shoe laces because they enjoy your writing style. 🙂 Making money from writing a blog (about shoe laces) will be a tad more difficult though.

    If you’re written a blog(s) for over two years, then you are a blogger and a writer. No-one can deny that, and you should remember that most blogs are abandoned and die in the first 3 months. You’re obviously way beyond that phase already, and you probably won’t stop writing even if you occasionally have these doubts etc..

    • Debbish
      November 11, 2012

      Hi Satu – my old weight loss program had a blogging award and lots of people started blogging just because of that. I still recall being shocked when someone asked if I was going to continue my blog when the program finished. I explained that my diet blog had been going a year before I started that particular weight loss program. I wasn’t blogging cos everyone else on the program was doing it, rather I was blogging because I wanted to write about my life and challenges.

      Many of the people who started blogs back then haven’t continued. And I don’t mean to disparage them or the program at all, but I did kinda feel that by offering the blogging award it encouraged people to kinda make ‘light’ of blogging – like it was a hobby you can pick up for 3mths and then drop. (Like the concept of ‘dieting’ I guess!) I know that belief is screwy and it should be great people write about their feelings and participate but it was something which I grappled with a bit.

      Deb

      • Satu
        November 11, 2012

        Yup, blogging isn’t for the faint-hearted. 🙂 It requires surprising amount of persistence.

  • Johanna @ The Zigazag Mag
    November 12, 2012

    Keep writing (you are so engaging 🙂 ) and don’t give up on your dreams. I too attend writing festivals and come away feeling about knee high to a slug, and the Problogger event left me in no doubt of my many bloggie failings. But a big takeaway from events like those are that it seems the people who persevere are the ones who’s dreams eventually come true.

    • Debbish
      November 13, 2012

      Thanks Johanna… and yes, I suspect the trying is a lot of the battle. (We’ll both hang in there!)

      Deb

  • Kylie @ Octavia and Vicky
    November 13, 2012

    I battle with similar issues and questions all the time. Who do I think I am!? But I keep on keeping on, and you will too 🙂

    • Debbish
      November 13, 2012

      Yes… the ‘who do I think I am?’ is a big one for me.

      Deb
      x

  • Lynne Knowlton
    November 20, 2012

    Hey Debbish ! LOVE that name !
    I feel the EXACT same way. I think the secret in the sauce, is to not follow the usual blogging monetizing ways. I tried sponsors/affiliate marketing…and even so…the moola was not enough to pay for my coffee addiction. I am considering writing an ebook about blogging. Anything that sets us outside the box, is a good thaaaaang. I THINK. Oh geessssh. I dunno. 🙂
    Big hugs,
    Lynne

    • Debbish
      November 20, 2012

      Hi Lynne, Debbish was the nickname I was given by a group of friends while at Uni as I used to add ‘ISH’ to the end of everything (or just use it as a word to mean ‘sort of’!). I’m still best friends with two of them and they still call me that from time to time (one of them all of the time!). Incidentally, my other blog is called Diet Schmiet cos at a similar time I had the habit of adding SCHM… to the front of everything I said!

      I’m thinking that ghost blogging / blog articles etc may be the way to go for me rather than advertising or affiliate marketing cos the latter most definitely doesn’t offer much in the way of compensation – unless of course you were getting gazillions of hits a day and they all happened to click on your ad link!!!

      Thanks for visiting.
      Deb

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