I have been walking this earth for 51 years. Well, 51 and a half really. And I think I’m finally starting to accept that I’m ageing.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think my life is over. I know people achieve all sorts of things in their 50s, 60s and beyond. Indeed I know 70-odd year olds who are certainly healthier and fitter than I am.
But I think for a long time I’ve been in denial that I am ‘middle-aged’.
I always put it down to my lack of partner and kids. For a range of reasons I was really only (emotionally) ready to start dating in my mid 30s. It was in my early 40s before I attempted to get pregnant.
I rarely ‘feel’ or act my age. But sadly (and increasingly) I now look it. Or perhaps even worse. I mean, I’m occasionally surprised when someone else who looks much older ends up being younger than me, or I’m horrified when someone who looks young is older than me. But I do try to remember the old ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ adage.
It doesn’t work, but I try.
And then I look in the mirror and I see the blotchy and wrinkly face of someone who’s squeezed too many pimples and donned coconut oil in the 1980s before baseball caps were cool. I’ve not been as careful as I could have been with moisturisers over the years, consumed too much diet coke and red wine and eaten too little (ie. no) fruit. I look like an ex-smoker with lines above my bottom lip, craters under my eyes and far too many wrinkles on the top half of my face. And let’s not even start on my chins and hormonal pimples and scarring adorning them.
Me. Sans filter. Au naturale.
Sadly at the moment I can’t afford decent (or really any) beauty products. Although I’m not fond of an overly plump pout or too-smooth shiny skin IF I could afford it I would botox the hell out of the area around my eyes, and would do something about the lines on my upper lip. Not to mention my veiny, blotchy face. Lasers, pulses, blades… whatever!
Of course I’ve also recently talked about my hair… the fact I was ready to embrace (ageing) my natural colour but discovered that it wasn’t a nice grey but steel grey. Which led to the whole accidentally-dying-my-hair-brown-with-permanent-dye debacle.
I recently had to provide a headshot for someone for whom I’m possibly doing some freelance / content writing and I used a pic I had taken before my 50th birthday. Recent, but I was resplendent with makeup and dyed hair.
I look at those photographs and feel decidedly old and haggard just 18mths later. I’ve not had much luck in luring men with my womanly wiles over the past 30 years so I think I’m well and truly screwed now as my body starts to drop and my metabolism lurches to a halt.
I feel embittered though fortunately I’m too fat to be wisened.
And when I think about my looks, I wonder if it’s time to give up. Stop worrying about the wrinkles and blotches, the fact the sides of my face and eyebrows are so dry they’re peeling. Constantly.
I mean, I stopped dying my hair cos I felt like it looked too fake. Like I was trying too hard. And now I’m unhappy with it, I’m worrying it’s vain to think about colouring it again. Aren’t we supposed to embrace ageing? Gracefully?
I find it a bit of a mindfuck in all honesty. This paranoia about ageing and self-acceptance and good ol’ vanity.
Do you think there’s a fine line between ageing gracefully and steadfastly trying to hold onto one’s youth?
PS. Please please please do not leave a comment about the fact that I look okay etc. This isn’t about that. I’m truly keen for a conversation about what lengths we could / should go to to preserve ourselves as we age (and yes, I do realise it’s no one’s business but our own!).
Linking up with Denyse for Life This Week.
July 8, 2019
No comments about you looking okay…moving right along. Yep, I hear you. I walked past a mirror when we were away last and didn’t recognise the face, Like it was me, but not the me that exists in my head. That me looks much younger and a lot less puffy. I wouldn’t do the botoxy thing myself – not because I’m against it, but because if I had the dosh I’d probably blow it on travel and adding more lines to my face lol. It costs me a fortune to keep my hair as it is – and is really the only appearance thing I spend money on these days – I get the roots done every 4 weeks and the foils every 2nd trip. I find it a tad weird that I could afford to buy all these fabulous creams & have facials and all that when I was in my 30’s and early 40s and now that I really need it? Such is life… as I said, I’d probably still spend it on travel & getting more lines!
July 8, 2019
I know! I didn’t really use any face creams when I was in my 20s but used Estee Lauder, Aveda and Dermalogica in my 30s and then in my 40s (and now 50s) I can’t afford any of them any more! Grrrr… I tried this Neutrogena Revitalift or something recently which was supposed to provide an obvious change in 2wks. Four weeks later I’d finished it and there was no difference at all.
I think I’d go blonder again in a heartbeat but it was harder and harder to NOT feel as if it looked fake. I don’t think it did but I’d see other older women with brassy-blonde hair and get paranoid I looked the same!
I’d definitely blow $500 or so on the lines above my top lip if I could afford it. Although at the moment I’m not even allowed to have a $50 eyebrow wax and eyelash tint… though might splurge if I get a tax refund.
July 8, 2019
I was always a skincare junkie from my 20s on. I remember before I went on mat leave making sure I had all my Clarin skin care on standby for when I didn’t have an income. These days its the bare essentials.
July 8, 2019
I used to use a Clarins Facemask and Exfoliant (when I lived in Canberra in the late 1990s) and I LOVED how my skin felt afterwards. I remember looking for them years later and I couldn’t remember what they were and figured they’d probably changed anyway!
I currently use Nutrimetics moisturiser that my mother buys from a supplier friend. And Garnier BB cream if I’m going somewhere special and won’t sweat! 🙂
July 8, 2019
Thank you for sharing this. You are being more honest than many people are when it comes to the topic. I am 49, and I literally can’t believe it. And I’m bitter, too. My hair is thinning. Rogaine hasn’t worked. My face is sagging, and my neck, ugh.
My situation is different than yours in that I was never attractive. But I will not go gently into this good night!! I will fight for my hair and skin as much as I can afford to (which isn’t much). And, oddly, I have received more compliments from men in the past 3 years than all the years before. Even when I was young and skinny! There’s no
accounting for it. (I’m married, so I don’t need these opportunities.)
Anyway, all this is to say you should do what makes you feel good. If dying your hair makes you feel more like yourself, do it. As for the flaky skin, you will be more comfortable if you moisturize. It might get itchy otherwise.
July 8, 2019
Oh yes I moisturise but perhaps just need something heavier. I hadn’t heard of Rogaine. I lost a lot of hair after I had weight loss surgery. I cut it all off at the time so it wasn’t as obvious but not sure it’s grown back to the same extent. I think perhaps if I let it grow a bit the emphasis will be off my face, which will be a good thing.
And on the attractiveness front, I’ve always been single so don’t think I was winning any competitions there either. And I love that you’re ‘going down’ (or up?) fighting! *raises fist triumphantly*
July 8, 2019
Love your honesty and yes, as I’m fast approaching 50 I feel ya! Sometimes I think I look the same and then I find an old photo and realise I am ageing disgracefully. I’m trying to embrace my lines and wrinkles and saggy bits – I don’t really have the cash to splash for surgery nor do I really fancy going under the knife for more than anything is really necessary. Also, while cosmetic tweaks are a personal choice, I think you can always tell and I’d rather be au natural and looking well lived than all tight and tweaked or maybe I’ve just watched too many episodes of Botched! I must say that my mum who is 75 looks fabulous and her skin is amazing – and she has never used fancy products and just washes her face with water! She does use a really amazing La Roche Posay moisturiser SPF50+ which she’s got me on to and it’s fab. It’s a little bit $$$ but you only need a little bit and it lasts ages. Side note: I wonder if men worry about this as much as we do!
July 8, 2019
I so rarely dress up. I mean, I’m not even working now so don’t even bother with flattening my hair most days so get a huge shock when I look in the mirror.
Good news that you’ve got genetics on your side!!! And yes, I wonder if men do worry as much about looking ‘weathered’.
July 8, 2019
I’m 43, and while most of my life I’ve (been told) I look younger than my age, it’s starting to catch up with me. I blame everything from motherhood to burning the candle at both ends to get the most out of every day, but it’s just ageing. When I look in the mirror lately fresh out of the shower or even worse, out of bed, I don’t recognise myself. My face sags where it used to sit tight, the bags under my eyes are no longer carry on size, but check in, and the sun damage from early years is now clearly visible. The skincare regime I’ve implemented since my early 20s doesn’t seem to make a difference now. And my hair, which was already thin, is thinning even more, and trying to grow it is almost impossible (although good for regrowth!).
I do spend money on my hair every six weeks, and have had my eyebrows feathered, but I draw the line at anything else. Not because I’m against it, but because I think once you start, where do you stop? And then you end up looking fake. I’d love a nose job, some veneers on my teeth and my lips evened up, but then what? I doubt it will change how I feel about myself or the ageing process.
I want to embrace ageing gracefully. I want to be one of those people who love their changing face, who embrace their lines as ‘experience’. But I’m not. I hate it. I don’t feel old, so I sure as hell don’t want to look it!
What bothers me most is that if I feel this way at 43, how will I be in 10, 20, 30 years time?
July 8, 2019
Oh my god, I’d SOOOO love a nose job. I never had a problem with my nose until recent years. Now I wonder, “Has it gotten worse: pointier, wider?” It certainly looks that way in any photo in which I smile. And yes, my teeth are far less white than I’d like them to be. I smile less in pics than I once did!!!
And you’re right, in some ways it seems sudden. I too looked kinda young for my age (people said the ‘no kids’ thing helped!) but suddenly it’s not the case.
And do you know what’s worst of all, and has only just occurred to me? Is that I feel like I deserve this. That it’s my fault cos I haven’t done the right things or lived the healthiest life. I’ve doomed myself!
July 8, 2019
I don’t think you deserve it at all – it’s not your fault. There are plenty of people who do all the ‘right’ things and you know what? they still age! The fountain of youth isn’t realistic. We all age. Some better than others, but really, that’s down to genetics.
Still, no one likes to age or get older. It’s only natural I suppose.
July 8, 2019
Ah yes, genetics. My mum would probably hate me saying this but she’s got a lot of fine wrinkles. She was my dad’s carer for a decade or so and had little time to focus too much on herself and certainly has never gone to much trouble skin-care wise as she’s always had other priorities. I only recently realised she’s NEVER had a facial. If I get a job I soon I hope to rectify that. I know she’s only 75 but every woman should have at least one facial in their life!
July 8, 2019
Yes to all that. I’m 57 and have the “menopause roll” around my waist. That’s the thing I hate the most. That roll marks me out as an older woman past her sexual and physical prime. I’m about 20kgs heavier than I should be and either can’t or won’t do anything about it. But keep dying your hair for as long as you want. Either a decent stylist and hair products why should any woman think they have to suddenly “embrace the grey” if it doesn’t make you feel good?. I’m really sick of those “empowering” photos of Helen Mirren or that 97 year old lady who’s alleged a “style goddess.” Here we are in our 50s still being told what to look like by people half our age! Sod them! Do as you please.
July 8, 2019
Yes definitely ‘sod them’ to those that judge (although perhaps I’m also judging… hmmm…). Though at least Helen Mirren hasn’t had a lot of work done to her face but claims it’s natural. That irks me more than anything…. If I’d had botox I’d certainly admit to it. Not doing so is surely lying and – worse still – implying it’s wrong. But I certainly know what you mean.
And as for the roll. My weight has yo-yoed up and down (mostly up) for the past 9mths. Some of that is cos I’m home all day and bored and eating all of the time, but I’m also conscious my eating behaviour hasn’t changed. (It’s always been irresponsible and involved brownies and caramello koalas.) I actually have had a few weeks where I’ve really tried to cut back and not have any alcohol etc and I still gained weight so I realise at least some of it may be hormonal and menopause related.
My metabolism has always been screwy (thanks to my late teens as an anorexic and later a bulimic then binge-eating disorder for most of my life) but I probably need to make some changes to kick start it a bit now I’ve moved on from pre-menopausal!
July 8, 2019
Hmm… so much to say, and yet, I’m not sure I have anything new to add. I get ‘foils’ and I had my teeth fixed, eyes lasered so I don’t have to wear glasses. Haven’t gone down the botox route because it scares me and people with too much botox/fillers just end up looking weird. I would like to have more even skin tone but I once had a small brown patch lasered and it hurt like hell. I guess we all have a line we will/won’t cross, but everyone’s line is different. I try not to care TOO much about my appearance. We are more than our looks. I’m OK with being middle aged (getting old is better than the alternative) maybe because I’m okay with where my life is at. I try to look at my appearance like a man would/does. Like, it’s a thing, but not a BIG thing.
July 8, 2019
I was pondering on whether it’s a little better now that more people go ‘makeup free’ etc on social media so you KNOW (most of the time) that you really are comparing yourself with (the proverbial) ‘highlights’ reel of someone else.
I used to hate that women’s magazines always had the “Stars Without Makeup” editions and yet I would eagerly turn those pages to see normally beautiful people looking a little more ordinary. (Although most were still lovely!)
I can’t work out whether things have gone downhill suddenly for me or if my expectations have changed. And I guess that has me second-guessing value I put on superficial stuff.
I always also assume that women in relationships worry less as they don’t need to ensnare anyone new. (And yes, I’m being trite obviously; and not sure I still even think romance is an option for me, but you know what I mean… And that screws with my head more cos I ponder whether I’m wanting to look better for others, not me.)
Argh! *Must stop thinking*
July 8, 2019
We are our own harshest critics .. I currently am trying to get over either the flu or sinusitis that in itself makes me feel/look awful. I haven’t been able to dye my hair and it’s very much silver all around my face and where my hair parts. I certainly don’t recognise the person I see in the mirror .. it’s scary how quickly you can age. Apparently, there is a #silversisters movement on Instagram .. it’s much harder being dark skinned to go all silver. I am so not ready.
July 8, 2019
Oh yes, though you could go a nice silver Sharmila. I’m not ready to look like my 75yr old mother but know more and more women are opting to be grey earlier and there’s a bit of an ’empowerment movement’ of sorts around it.
I was a bit shocked that my ‘grey’ was kinda just dark with shiny bits through it (as I’d imagined a faded grey blonde colour). It felt too dark for me (and I’d been the same when I dyed my hair really chocolate brown).
As I just said in my response to Cassie, my ageing has felt sudden but I suspect it hasn’t been. I also wonder how much of it is reversible (without cosmetic surgery or even laser etc)… If I suddenly moisturised my skin better would it make any difference, or is it just too late?
July 8, 2019
You seem to have hit a nerve with your thoughts. I’m of the opinion that looks and aging don’t really matter. I look at my grey hair as it appears and am not worried by it. If I am ever worried by it I’ll just shave the entire lot off. I have no makeup in my house and have no skin care routine. I do know that people look at me and wonder how I manage to look so young but that’s their perception and none of my business.
Having detailed all of that I admit I’m far more concerned with good heath than good looks. I don’t have good health and have to watch everything I eat in order to stay alive and have reasonable health. Did you know allergies can kill?
July 8, 2019
Yes certainly. I’m lucky as a coeliac that’s it’s never immediately life-threatening. I have three autoimmune diseases but thankfully none terribly dire at all so do feel sorry for those with far worse ailments. So I can completely understand your focus on your health! (I’m sure I should be more focused on that also… and I am. Sometimes.)
July 8, 2019
You have the same vigilance with food as I do, therefore you are focussing on your health. I must go find some chocolate…
July 9, 2019
Ha yes… the only thing I ensure I eat with any regularity is protein!
July 8, 2019
Thank you for your honesty and for starting this conversation. I’d go as far as make up and skincare, lighter hair colour and injectables. Haven’t worked up the courage to start those injectables yet though. On the one hand I know I am looking older but at the same time I’m a bit lazy. And then again I also like that I look sort of ‘natural’ (with make up and hair done).
SSG xxx
July 8, 2019
I’d do the injectables as well but hadn’t quite gotten to that stage (probably more in a financial sense. My focus has always been my mortgage and bills, but if I had the cash, then yes!).
July 8, 2019
I noticed the dreaded “lip crinkle” as I kindly call it – “marionette lines” as it’s less kindly referred to – in my early 50’s and freaked a bit. Looked into fillers and the cost blew me away. I’d happily pay $500 if it was a one off, but to have to get it redone every few months or so just killed it for me and made me realize how vain and silly it was to try and pretend I wasn’t in my 50’s. That being said, I think we all scrub up a lot better than previous generations did at our age (mind you I have a very young looking, attractive, and outgoing mother and that is quite disheartening!)
I’m working on acceptance and also the fact that we are much more self-critical and judgemental of our own faces and bodies – and assume others see the flaws that are glaringly obvious to us. What I’ve come to realize is that other people really don’t care – they’re too focused on their own flaws (you’ll notice that in the comments – we all see it in ourselves but barely notice it in other people).
My mantra now is to laugh and be upbeat and try to ignore the things that aren’t terrific – it doesn’t make them go away, but it lessens their power over me. I just wish 15-40 year old me had appreciated myself more! Oh….another thing is that I will never be “embracing the grey” because very few women carry it off successfully – and I know I wouldn’t be one of them (no long flowing grey locks on my horizon!) So colour away with my blessing xx
PS I hope you’ll link this up with #MLSTL because it’s a great fit!
July 8, 2019
I’ve always had a thin top lip Leanne but really only noticed the smoker’s lines in the last few years and feel they’re quite obvious. I gather ‘filler’ is the answer but I wouldn’t want much as I don’t want a pouty mouth, just top lip that matches the bottom and fewer smoker’s lines. (Particularly as I’ve never smoked and it’s one of few unhealthy things I’ve not tried!) But yes, a one-off $500 I might be able to justify to myself but regularly… not so much. (Unless I had the money to spend that freely and no mortgage. Or currently earned an income! *gulp*)
July 11, 2019
Hi Deb – just popping back from #MLSTL to say I’ve shared on my SM and also to remind you that those little lines are really small potatoes – or alternatively we could get a group together and ask them if we can share a syringe of filler (and the associated costs!) A small squirt each should do it! xx
July 11, 2019
Ha yes, like the rumoured botox parties!!!
July 8, 2019
I’ve never thought of myself as being vain.. I don’t use any skin care products, I only wear makeup about once a month, and I haven’t gone to a hairdresser in over 20 years (I cut my own), I do dye my hair with box dye every few months because I have black hair and my greys are coming in unevenly, and I wax my upper lip every other day but that’s about it,
Having to get reading glasses recently due to ‘the natural aging process’ was a bit of a blow though. And my oldest daughter just turned 23, the same age I was when she was born, which made me feel older than I did on my actual birthday. I know I no longer look like I’m 23 in the mirror, but I sort of feel like I do in my head, it’s a harmless enough delusion I guess.
July 8, 2019
I also feel much younger than my actual age Shelleyrae and deleted a whole section of this blog where I went on about that. The fact I don’t have kids (and didn’t try til I was in my 40s) means I can’t fathom having adult children let alone grandchildren. Like… I’m SOOOO not old enough to be a grandmother. And yet, of course I am.
I think that’s the kind of thing that hits home and looking in the mirror just reminds me of that. Interestingly I wore makeup when I was younger and probably until I was nearly 30 and then just got too sweaty with it on and it never looked good. I used decent skincare for a while but the moment I got a mortgage in my mid-thirties I stopped prioritising that stuff and focussed more on my debt etc. Of course having said that I realise priorities are all very individual and subjective. I know I spend money on stuff others think ridiculous and vice versa. For eg, I stop getting my eyebrows waxed and eyelashes tinted when money becomes tight (for several years after my seachange and again now) but if I’m feeling frivolous I’d spend that $50 on a fancy meal out or a vase^ or something! Whereas I know people who’d never skip a regular eyebrow wax / eyelash tint.
^(And if we’re being entirely honest I *might* have used the vase as an example cos I have my eye on one I’d like!)
July 8, 2019
Like anything I think it’s about finding your boundaries. You tried the natural & didn’t like it, so now you’re trying the next thing. Seems to make sense to me.
I still get confused that I’m fat. Especially after not moving this year due to pain/injury. In denial about what that has done to my body.
Also I read metabolism as meatballs so maybe I need dinner.
Apparently we can have headshots in my new job. Ick 🙂
July 9, 2019
I need to update my headshots as I no longer think I look like the ones I use most places. Thank god I have caricatures for most of my social media stuff!
July 8, 2019
Omigosh, where do I begin?? I took a year off hair colour to save money when I got retrenched in 2010, and then never went back. It was like being released from slavery. I quite like my grey colour most days, except in photos where people get me at the wrong angle and the light glinting off it makes it look like steel wool. Everything was going pretty much OK till menopause, and then I became toilet-roll shaped. Within about 18 months. Seriously. Where is my waist?? I was a pear for the first 53 years, now I’m a zeppelin. On the plus side, I no longer need to take in the waistband of jeans. My dermatologist kindly calls the brown splotches on my face “growing up spots” and fries them occasionally for my vanity with the same thingy she uses for freezing very early/potential skin cancers. In my mid-40s my eyes became so toasty dry that contact lenses became impossible and I mourned for that, but this eventually turned out to be a good thing, as my specs now somehow filter out the haggishness around my eyes. I’m practising pushing my tongue into the roof of my mouth to help restore the suspension in my chin which has fully collapsed. In all seriousness, one thing that did improve the quality of my skin (enough for my dermatologist to comment on it) was the fad I went through of having a green smoothie for breakfast. I’ve got IBS, so there was none of that half a kg of kale nonsense – just a more modest thing with 1/3 of a banana (for creamy texture), 1/3 of an orange, 5 or 6 small green leaves such as butter lettuce or rocket, maybe 5 or 6 blueberries and/or 1 or 2 strawberries, and water, blitzed in a Nutribullet to make about 250-300 ml. The green is the most important thing I suspect, and I now grow lettuce and rocket in my garden and try to have some on my sandwich for lunch most days. My lips were always small, but they are getting thinner by the day since estrogen left the building. I try to make sure I smile in photos as that helps them look wider! But I probably smile quite a lot anyway. In spite of everything falling apart, and brushes with both depression and anxiety, I basically think of myself as a happy person. This year I’ve started being quite diligent about going for a brisk walk 6 or 7 days a week – I’ve built up to 30 min in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening. I’ve even got a treadmill for summer when it’s too hot, so I can walk in the air-con. It makes me feel a lot better about myself, and less of a wreck. I don’t look much different, although I’m probably slightly more trim – I just feel differently about it.
July 9, 2019
Ah yes, mine was a bit dark like steel wool Belinda. I think maybe it’d be okay if longer, but it was so short I couldn’t help myself (hence the $9 Coles hair dye).
If I eventually find a job I should get a dermatologist as I’ve never seen one and have some dodgy spots I should get checked out. I love the balanced approach you’re taking to food and exercise and yes I do realise how important both are re anxiety and depression. I’ve done a couple of short walks in the past week (I’ve been travelling across town each morning to feed a friend’s pets, so do something while I’m in town) and it’s been good. I need to get into a routine or something.
Though… I’m not sure about the green leafy stuff. Blergh!
July 8, 2019
Thanks for your honesty Deb! It is an interesting concept – I have been told a lot I look younger than my age and I’m grateful to my genes for that {mum got that a lot!}. I currently don’t mind the few lines I do have when I laugh and the slight worry lines between my eyes. However, in the last 18 months, my skin has broken out with acne and I will admit I hate it! I actually went and saw a dermatologist a couple of weeks ago and will start medication for the same and potentially laser out some scarring later if I can afford it. I never had acne as a teenager so I’m quite annoyed with it. Vanity? Maybe. But I would like clear skin. I also colour my hair and started doing it when I started to grey – I’m never going to be one of those women who can pull off grey hair because my hair is naturally dark so I’m happy to continue colouring it even at home. Time will tell how I will cope with other changes but I don’t think I’ll ever go under the knife or contemplate botox.
July 9, 2019
I was lucky when younger as I didn’t ever really have pimples or acne – thank god cos I’m a SQUEEZER… almost obsessively so. In the last decade or so I’ve gotten a lot of blind pimples (those big hard ones under your skin) on my chin and I cannot help but squeeze until I earn myself a lovely scar. My rosacea is flaring up again at the moment and I have weird spots. I keep getting horrified when each new thing appears but then seem to get used to it. God knows what my face will eventually become!
July 8, 2019
You look ok lol!!!
On the GC botox is cheaper and you can often find a deal happening… and when on special- i get it and absolutely love it.
I am contemplating going grey/natural..
My menopause weight and tummy roll is really annoying- i don’t drink, eat well, exercise a lot and put on weight!!! Not fair
I do feel health and fitness are important (to me) as i age.
Ruth xxx
July 9, 2019
I need to work on my fitness for sure Ruth as I’ve slacked off on that front since not working. And yes, I do follow some beauty therapists in Brissy who often offer package deals etc. I think I’d go with someone I knew friends had been to, so you knew they weren’t going to go crazy.
July 8, 2019
Your honesty with your words and photo is refreshing Deb! I love that and you also tell it like it is 🙂 . I’m 58 so sliding towards 60 at a great rate of knots but like you I feel years younger! I notice lately in photos that my eyes go missing, as in all crinkled up but I’m determined to keep smiling 🙂 . I have moles everywhere and although I’ve had some removed from my face, there are still quite a few there. I used to worry about them but often forget about them now until I see a photo. I agree with others and think we worry about things that other people don’t even notice about us. Ageing is fraught with issues as you quite rightly point out. A good read and the comments are great too. Sorry I have no answers for you #lifethisweek
July 9, 2019
Weirdly I don’t mind the wrinkles on the outside of my eyes (the smile lines). I think they’re kinda natural. I’ve got that frown line between my two eyes that’s quite embedded (wonder what that says about me!) and then the fine lines above my lip.
It’s funny you mention moles as I had some cut and frozen off years ago and keep getting weird ingrown pimple things on my chin where one was. I’ve got a few age spots / freckles / moles on the sides of my face I wouldn’t mind getting zapped as they peel quite a bit.
And that’s okay re no answers I’m enjoying having the discussion and knowing others feel exactly the same way. I don’t feel quite so weird / vain / confused!
July 10, 2019
I agree Deb, the comments have been great, honest and open. We are hard on ourselves at times and I agree with Suzanne, we who are getting older have lots of gratitude for that being the case! look forward to your next part of this as you indicated in a reply. #mlstl
July 10, 2019
I’ve enjoyed scrolling through and reading all of the comments here. We women are certainly hard on ourselves. We also have similar issues and no one is entirely happy with the way they look. I’ve been told I look younger than my age 59, but I feel my age. I have arthritis and sometimes the pain seems to show up around my eyes or with a general exhausted look. I do foil my hair every three months and wear make-up sometimes, but I don’t spend a lot on creams and such. I would not do botox because I would spend the money on other things like travel. I guess my philosophy is to do the best I can with what I have been given. #MLSTL
July 10, 2019
I’ve really enjoyed the comments here Michele and it’s kind-of helped me further ponder this in my mind. I’d shared it on my personal FB page as well and had a few friends there say it resonated with them and I guess it’s good to know that we’re not alone with some of these uncertainties.
July 10, 2019
My only comment is to older people is that you are fortunate to be “old”. Do I feel old? Definitely not. Yes, on “retirement” buying expensive face creams is hard to justify. Some of the cheaper brands are just as good. Enjoyed your post Deb. #MSTL
July 10, 2019
Ah yes, there’s actually a second part to this post Suzanne about the ‘being grateful’ element. It got too long so I had to divide it into two!
July 10, 2019
Deb, I look forward to reading the second half.
July 10, 2019
I did say I would comment here so…off I go. What does it mean to “act your age?” Because I don’t think I have ever. I am 70 this year and whilst that number is a bit more confronting than 60 (and I enjoyed that) I am just trying to do and be how I want to these days.
The cancer thing and the anxiety & IBS before it showed me that I really was using food as a comfort for a life I was not enjoying. And to salve any issues I had. Fast forward, the weight I ‘accidentally’ lost has shown me how I can feel better about my appearance. However, showing me that DECADES of self-loathing over my eating and size do not disappear overnight, I began to fret about weight increase of 5kg over 8 months once I could eat more.
My surgeon told me “good news” and I was “what the?” So, for me, and only me, I am truly trusting the body (how it feels during and after eating) now and it’s mostly working. Only took about 46 years…
About appearance, hair, face etc. I had a mum who was always pretty glam. She had good skin, enough money to buy clothes, shoes etc, a weekly hair appointment and was of less than normal build. She was not a role model for me. If you know what I mean.
I did not and still do not have much time nor interest in skin care. Hair is another thing but my decision to go grey and really pretty short has been a boon. However…I still have to find someone who KNOWS how to cut it. My previous hairdresser has closed her shop to have her baby.
Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek. Next week’s optional prompt is Self-Care Sharing Your Story. I hope you will consider linking up again. Denyse.
July 11, 2019
My mum’s 75 and says she tends to forget that she is and is horrified when newspapers report about an ‘elderly’ person and they’re in their 70s!
July 10, 2019
Wow, look at all the comments on this one. Clearly hitting a nerve and something a lot of us relate to. Yep, sometimes I look in the mirror and think what the hell is that, and then I whack on a bit of makeup, whoozh my hair up a bit (technical term) with some waxy stuff and things start to look a lot better. I fucking love make up, I say back to that mirror!! I don’t wear a lot of it at all,but damn I love the changes it makes to cover the blotches. And I dye my hair and don’t apologise a bit – it looks better and I do it myself so it doesn’t cost that much. No one stays gorgeous forever so it’s okay to give ourselves a bit of assistance. In terms of moisturisers, drinking lots of water is the first thing to do to keep your skin hydrated, and just chuck on something, anything that will moisturise it. Sorbolene by the bucket keeps skin moist probably pretty much the same as the stuff that costs a mint. Onwards and upwards! But Deb, the fruit – you are missing an entire world of deliciousness.
July 11, 2019
I don’t tend to wear makeup as I get sweaty the moment I put stuff on my face, but I did try some tinted BB cream and feel a little better (masked perhaps) when I wear it. I don’t think it covers my blotches so maybe it’s a psychological thing!
July 11, 2019
I find BB cream really thick. Maybe go and try some samples of really light ones that you can’t even feel on your face? I find a bit of light face cream transforming.
July 11, 2019
I actually use a Garnier one that’s white, but when it goes on your skin it turns skin-tone. I feel it kinda okay but should make sure – if I ever work again and have to leave the house! – that I am using something with good sunscreen as well. I hear good things about mineral ones.
July 11, 2019
So many comments already (I did not read them all) but wanted to add in my two cents – visiting from #MLSTL. I have a 62 year old friend who tried to not go back to dying her hair post Chemo… and then said, “Damn it, I’m a blonde on the inside, I want to be a blonde on the outside.” 🙂 But another fashionista friend (age 51) had to stop dying her hair because it was literally fried and she discovered her hair is a gorgeous gray and stuck with it. So gorgeous, I asked her if it was dyed that color! Some folks look good grey, others not so much.
As for me, I’m shocked when I see pictures of myself…. am I really that splotchy and lumpy? I did a professional photo-shoot (was a bucket list thing) and the stylist spent an hour working on my face with concealer. Yeah, literally an hour. And then they photo-shopped the picture after also! LOL But, I never use concealer or foundation on a daily basis! Just a touch of lipstick because my lips have disappeared in my face. I don’t color my hair…. it’s going gray slowly, so I’ll see what happens. In fact most days, my hair is pulled into a pony-tale… no style at all! I should lose 20 pounds, but I love to eat too much. Have I come to terms with my middle age body? Maybe. I’ve taken up yoga in mid-age and it’s helped me feel more comfortable in it – and increased my balance and flexibility too. Yes, it aches on a regular basis, but I’m learning to accept that is how it is…it could be a lot worse!
And I think that’s where I tend to come out on things…. it could be better, but it could be a lot worse. In fact, that’s what I tell myself when I get naked for a massage…. this body is not the best she’s ever seen, but it’s not the worst either!
July 11, 2019
My mum went grey early and gets lots of positive comments about her hair colour and people assume she dyes it.
I do the lipstick thing too and have mostly just worn lipstick (only) when going out for the last 20 or so years. Even bright lipstick as (like you) my lips disappear into my face, but I also feel like it brightens everything up. (And I SOOOOO don’t care if people think middle-aged women shouldn’t wear red / bright pink lipstick!)
Yoga is good and I need to get myself into a better exercise routine I think as it’s bad enough looking my age, I don’t want to physically feel it!
July 11, 2019
Hi Deb I left a lengthy comment on Monday but can’t see it anywhere??? Can you check if it went into spam? Thank you for sharing at #MLSTL it is so lovely to have you join us. x
July 11, 2019
I’ve checked Sue and I can’t find the comment in my spam or trash!
July 11, 2019
Your post has obviously touched a chord with many! I recently got my front teeth fixed with dental bonding and am loving my new white smile. It cost a bit and yes I wrestled with the whole “why am I so worried about my looks I’m over 50 for crying out loud” but you know what? Then I decided I’M WORTH IT! And I’m so pleased with the results.
July 11, 2019
I would SO get my teeth done if I could afford it Janet. And (like I said) a bit of botox and some laser stuff.
I know what you mean about the age thing though. As you know I had weight loss surgery and I’ve not gotten to my goal weight (yet and my never) but I think about those who get the loose skin removed and kinda think I wouldn’t bother…. after all, I am 50! And I’m a bit the same with much-older people and their looks… meh, you’re 80 eat what you bloody like!
July 11, 2019
Back in the days of working in investment banking, albeit as a PA, I used to get monthly Clarins salon facials. One of my indulgences is good skin care products, though much more budget conscious these days! I scrimp on cleanser (love Dove bars), and splurge on moisturiser and always use sunscreen. My New Year’s Resolution this year was to have 3 facials (a far cry from my monthly ones but necessary for budget and time), and I do the rest myself in between.
If you hate your hair, then get it done. If you’re game, I’ll do it for you? Stuff aging gracefully, at least for now, we can do that when we’re 70… I’d love to rock silver hair, but I expect mine would look more mouse than anything if I let it go natural.
It’s still good to feel happy in your own skin, but a few tweaks is also OK (it counts as self care!).
Maybe you have a fabulous friend who you could do an at-home spa day with while you both drink the bubbles you bring *cough cough*
July 11, 2019
I’ve been wanting to buy some face masks etc and do some at home but have been far stricter with my budget recently as you know. I look at them at Woolies and Coles and decide I could spend that money more wisely while I’m not working. (Of course, until Dry July I’d still buy alcohol, cos… priorities, right?)
I’m undecided about my hair. I’m kinda still tempted to see what it does naturally but unsure now how much of the hair dye is still in it. It’s finally starting to grow a little so I’m delaying a visit to my hairdresser for a while in case I get tempted to chop it off again!