I’ve talked about this before. A year or two after my seachange I joked about the idea of going on holiday to some nice apartment in a coastal town somewhere, when—in fact—I lived in a nice apartment on the beach in a coastal town. Of course I’m not ‘right’ on the beach now, but have my beach views so many would opt for my house as a holiday destination.
Location aside, it occurs to me the whole idea of a holiday is kinda ironic. I mean, isn’t it?
I’m unemployed. (And at the moment feeling very unemployable!) And though I’m studying I’m only doing one subject at the moment so my commitments are minimal. Sure I don’t have the money to pfaff about doing fun stuff but my time is my own.
And yet, every so often – including lately – I become obsessed with the idea of ‘a break’. Not even a holiday as such, but just a break. When I worked full time, during my decade and a half gap between overseas holidays I rarely went anywhere. Any breaks from work were spent not doing anything. I’d visit my parents but mostly I’d just hang at home. It was all about not-working then. I didn’t want the hassle of travel. I didn’t want to see stuff. I wanted to read, watch DVDs and loll about. I wanted to avoid the daily commute, being attentive to my emails for 12hrs a day and having to be nice to people. All. Of. The. Time.
So now, I think about my desire to ‘get away’. With no real destination in mind. “Not the city,” I think. As it’s too loud and overwhelming for me now and would defeat the purpose of ‘getting away’.
Do I want to go away to the beach (a different beach)? Nah, I’m not really a fan of the beach in summer. Perhaps the mountains? Not at the moment with snakes a-plenty.
It occurs to me that what I really need, or want, is a break from myself. And I’m not sure however, why I think going somewhere else will achieve that.
Because somewhere in my website drafts folder I’ve got an entire post (it was going to be a chapter in an ebook I was planning) about the fact we can’t escape ourselves no matter how far we travel or where we live. We might get a break from our routines or commitments, but the existential angst will come along for the ride.
Can you relate or am I the only one who wants a holiday but suspects it won’t help?
January 14, 2021
I have felt this before. It is not something that is comfortable is it? I have limitations of time, money and even physical condition to have a so-called holiday or break for myself….so I know I have to make a few days a bit different where I am. Right now.
I make a day trip to a different area. Use my senses outside – new things to see and hear…and even taste and smell by going to a new cafe etc.
It helps revive and refresh me.
The only person who can do this is me and I have fewer conversations about “will I or wont I?” and do them.
Today was that for me. I drove an hour south via the M1, listening to music from Hamilton, browsed a bit in a fancy books hop, met my daughter (alone!)for brunch (this is rare and we need to do it more…she is a single parent and full time teacher) and after an hour or so, she left to shop and I drove home listening to an audible book. Home and rested and refreshed and happy to be back.
Hope that you feel better about giving yourself a break too.
Denyse.
January 14, 2021
Yes I’m very slack about heading out and about to do things. Because I’m not retired I still have that sense that I should be working or doing something more productive so I find it hard to think about doing too many fun things when I feel like I shouldn’t be!
January 15, 2021
I wrote on this awhile ago. If you can’t afford a break, consider a houseswap or day trips – get out there and see what’s around you. A change of scenery can be invigorating. “Terry Pratchett sums it up perfectly “Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving”. After lockdown, I ventured out to the Biennale on Cockatoo Island. It was a 4 hour excursion but on the ferry back to the car, I said to my friend “I feel like I’ve been on holidays!” It was such a mental change in my headspace.
January 15, 2021
Oh that’s good. I need to get better at letting stuff go when I do have a break away and not be such a stress bunny. I’m off on a boat trip tomorrow with my godson but know I’ll be stressing about an assignment I have to do etc…
January 15, 2021
The old irony – we either don’t have the time (but have the money) for a holiday or we have plenty of time (but no money).
But a break from oneself… I have felt that before – not often, but when I felt it I made major changes in my life, working on the theory that a ‘change is as good as a holiday’ (included getting ‘serious’ about my hobbies and starting blogging, and a major career change).
January 15, 2021
Kate, I suspect a lot of my problem is that I’m a bit frustrated with my circumstances and uncertain what I should be doing or aspiring to do. Mind you I’ve changed jobs, careers, cities and countries quite a bit but always end up disenfranchised in some way.
January 15, 2021
I went to careers counsellor before I made changes and it was a great experience because she made me think about what I valued as opposed to what I thought I could do/ was good at. I made lots of life changes after that (including volunteering in an area that interested me).
Maybe your challenge is to NOT make a change, but instead to stay put, acknowledge that the uncertainty is uncomfortable, and see what happens…?
January 17, 2021
Yes Kate, I worry about leaping into something and making a mistake. Perhaps I need to get better at accepting where I am rather than thinking something else will be better.
January 15, 2021
Sadly the existential angst does come along for the ride – and they pack sooooo much stuff! I’m of the a change is as good as a holiday mindset (well, it’s not really, but go with me on this) where the change can tip you into a different mindset…
January 15, 2021
I’ve made lots of changes in the past but it feels a bit like my options are limited at the moment which is probably depressing me a little.
January 15, 2021
I meant to say too, sometimes just changing up your routine slightly can help…
January 15, 2021
Good idea… I’m taking my godson on a boat trip tomorrow. You inspired me with your trip.
January 15, 2021
I agree with Denyse around allowing yourself to do something different/new as change because that in itself can be a break. I don’t think holidays always need to involve going away but trying different things locally can be a good enough break. And they don’t always need to cost money either. That said, I hear you about sometimes wanting a break from oneself but while it might be temporary relief, in the end, the angst etc will come along and nothing changes.
January 15, 2021
So true re not being able to leave yourself behind. I remember thinking that in Italy. Although I did lots of touristy stuff I had periods where I was alone with my thoughts and a bit…. discontented, perhaps?