I’ve talked about this before. A year or two after my seachange I joked about the idea of going on holiday to some nice apartment in a coastal town somewhere, when—in fact—I lived in a nice apartment on the beach in a coastal town. Of course I’m not ‘right’ on the beach now, but have my beach views so many would opt for my house as a holiday destination.
Location aside, it occurs to me the whole idea of a holiday is kinda ironic. I mean, isn’t it?
I’m unemployed. (And at the moment feeling very unemployable!) And though I’m studying I’m only doing one subject at the moment so my commitments are minimal. Sure I don’t have the money to pfaff about doing fun stuff but my time is my own.
And yet, every so often – including lately – I become obsessed with the idea of ‘a break’. Not even a holiday as such, but just a break. When I worked full time, during my decade and a half gap between overseas holidays I rarely went anywhere. Any breaks from work were spent not doing anything. I’d visit my parents but mostly I’d just hang at home. It was all about not-working then. I didn’t want the hassle of travel. I didn’t want to see stuff. I wanted to read, watch DVDs and loll about. I wanted to avoid the daily commute, being attentive to my emails for 12hrs a day and having to be nice to people. All. Of. The. Time.
So now, I think about my desire to ‘get away’. With no real destination in mind. “Not the city,” I think. As it’s too loud and overwhelming for me now and would defeat the purpose of ‘getting away’.
Do I want to go away to the beach (a different beach)? Nah, I’m not really a fan of the beach in summer. Perhaps the mountains? Not at the moment with snakes a-plenty.
It occurs to me that what I really need, or want, is a break from myself. And I’m not sure however, why I think going somewhere else will achieve that.
Because somewhere in my website drafts folder I’ve got an entire post (it was going to be a chapter in an ebook I was planning) about the fact we can’t escape ourselves no matter how far we travel or where we live. We might get a break from our routines or commitments, but the existential angst will come along for the ride.
Can you relate or am I the only one who wants a holiday but suspects it won’t help?