I don’t quite know what to say.  Is this where I confess that I quit Weight Watchers and didn’t go to my one-on-one weigh-in last week?  Or is this where I (hopefully) admit that I am trying something different.

Either way, I hope you don’t judge me.  I have been frightfully honest in my admissions in this blog.  Being anonymous and all that.  But I can always rely on my mother to tell me like it is.  And by that I don’t mean she is going to be horribly mean to me about my weight (after all, she lived through my anorexia).  But she is likely to sarcastically ponder on the potential success of YET ANOTHER weight loss attempt.

And today I also had my best friend on my case (she being a pro-Weight Watchers-er).  Albeit apologetically.  She admitted she might be overstepping a boundary (and they are Berlin-wall-like, my weight-oriented boundaries) by suggesting that dropping Weight Watchers might be akin to a catastrophe.  Her humility in even approaching the issue was interesting.  Sure, I have weight issues, but I cannot help but wonder how mountainous they are (hence Berlin wall reference) when my best friend prefaces her ‘encouraging email about commiting to lose weight’ with a ‘I’m so sorry to even mention this’ introduction.  I am after all someone who is 40-50kgs overweight! (Apparently.)

Hmph! 

I confessed to my mother on Monday that I had quit Weight Watchers.  A pre-weigh-in day weigh-in amounted to no weight loss and I was frustrated by the figures – not to mention that I would be thwarted in my post-weigh-in binge!  The idiocy of the whole thing resonated with a pulsating beat until I decided on Saturday.. WTF.

I mean, I know I need to lose weight.  I know I need to find the motivation to do it.  But I was going nowhere fast with Weight Watchers.  (Although I don’t blame Weight Watchers.  It’s not you, it’ me.)

So, take #2, I decided to try ‘counting calories’.  I did it at Fat Camp last year (albeit in a prison-like environment) and when I got home.  I have a Calorie King program I subscribed to some time ago and I need only input the details of my meals (on my trusty computer) to have the calorie (and nutrient consumption) spit back out at me. 

Don’t get me wrong.  As I said to my mum and my bestie… this isn’t the answer.  MY motivation is key.  I may have lost a kilogram since I started on Monday (it is now Thursday) but it is because I have a renewed vigour… not because the food intake or tracking of my food intake is any different.

All I can hope is that I maintain some semblance of motivation until I actually lose a decent amount of weight and see some results; which will really spur me on. Because until then I am operating on faith alone, and look at where that has gotten me…..?