Mindfulness and what it FEELS like

Wednesday, July 18, 2012 Permalink

I almost swore at another blogger yesterday. Albeit in a nice way! (And yes, that is possible. I swear at people nicely all of the time!)

I wanted to say, “Damn you, Big Girl Bombshell!” Which surprisingly is a bit of a tongue-twister if you try to say it quickly! Instead I do believe I said, “bugger, bugger, bugger,” almost-swear words but not actually aimed at her.

Jules inspired me again you see as her latest post was a ‘What now?’ post. Like me (though prior to me) Jules made the decision to not-diet. And now she’s pondering on what that means.

Hell to the yeah! I commented. (Well sort of!) I believe I left some blithery comment about how I could have written that exact post – although I’m not quite as evolved as BGB when it comes to not-dieting.

I’ve grappled with the not-dieting concept here and confessed to some concern after an initial weight gain.

Monday night I reticently stepped onto my bathroom scales (having not done so in a couple of weeks) and was relieved to see that I hadn’t gained more weight. Despite a weekend away.

In my comment on Jules’ post I said, “Now that I’m not restricting what I eat; I’m no longer bingeing.”

And believe me, a binger knows a binge when they see one. My over-eating of the caramel fudge on the weekend was NOT a binge. Sure I consumed the amount in a day or two that a normal person would be unable to consume in a week, but mindset-wise it was different. I didn’t set out to eat as much as possible and stock up in preparation. Which I would do if bingeing.

Jules said that much of her not-dieting behaviour mimics someone on a ‘diet’. However, she’s trying to make healthy decisions when it comes to food and exercise.

Most importantly she said:

“It doesn’t matter what it LOOKS like, it’s what it FEELS like for ME.”

Like Meg Ryan, I want to say, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!”  This is exactly it.

Like knowing when I’m bingeing, I know when I’m ‘dieting’. When I was still bingeing (but supposedly not-dieting) just a couple of months ago, I was ‘good’ during the week – generally restricting carbohydrates at night as well as treats. But I’d go crazy on weekends. I was saying I was not-dieting. But I was – essentially – dieting.

I’m actually still trying to avoid ‘treats’, or ‘sometimes’ foods. As I said in my fudge post, I can’t yet control myself around certain foods, but I can control my access to them. And I’m doing that.

things [Left side]But I don’t feel deprived. I don’t feel thwarted. I don’t feel that life’s not worth living.

I’ve still got a long way to go and I’m yet to work out how I go about ‘losing’ weight while not obsessing about food, dieting and weightloss.

Perhaps I need to focus more on my food intake and restrict myself to lose weight. I know I’m definitely not happy with my body yet and want to make more changes. But, mentally, I think I’m in a better position than I have been in a LONG time.

I know there are different views out there about one’s ability to lose weight while not-dieting or restricting food intake etc… But I feel like I know myself pretty well and am surprised at my current state of mental healthiness.

Can others can relate?

40 Comments
  • countingmoments
    July 18, 2012

    I have to start by saying there have been a couple of your posts that have really stuck with me. One of those was the one where you talked about magazines and ‘perfect’ people in them. I think I’m just not ready to write about that topic. Yet. But maybe someday.

    I think stopping binges has been one of the best side effects of stopping diets. I never ate so much junk as when I tried not to.

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      Oh so true! The moment I restrict something is the moment I want ‘more’ of it. Perhaps I’m a rebel at heart?! (Joking, cos I’m definitely not!)

      Deb

  • Dannii @ Hungry Healthy Happy
    July 18, 2012

    Once I stopped “dieting”, I started to lose the 98lbs that made me reach a healthy weight.

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      Wow Dannii… that is so impressive!

      Deb

  • KCLAnderson (Karen)
    July 18, 2012

    I LOVE where Jules has been taking us over the past few months 🙂

    Mindset is such a huge piece of the puzzle. I know I say this a lot, but I identified this mindset that I wanted for myself: I don’t have to control food and food doesn’t control me. Also this: loving myself right where I am will prompt me to take better care of myself and in turn, my body will reach its normal, healthy weight.

    Basically it comes down to finding language that suits us and doesn’t turn us into resistant, reactive binge eaters 🙂

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      Yes Karen, I need to think more about ‘why’ I want to lose weight. Have a half-written post somewhere I must pull out about that very issue. (Obviously my reasons are not at all about my health but about aesthetics; and others!).

      Deb

  • Vanessa @ Babbling Bandit
    July 18, 2012

    Hey Deb

    This is exactly why I love my lapband. I’ve never felt like I’m on a ‘diet’. But it has forced me to be mindful about what I eat and how much I eat – if not I’m gonna get stuck and its gonna be uncomfortable. I just can’t binge. I mean I could have a whole block of chocolate because that goes right through but I can’t consume huge amounts of bread or other carbs because there’s just not enough space for that stuff to get through.

    With the lapband you still have to have a healthy mindset, but the physical barrier it creates helps enormously with controlling portion size.

    I still overeat sometimes but I get pretty full, pretty quickly these days because my stomach has shrunk. I still eat bad stuff like lollies and chocolate but I eat less than I was pre-band. There’s no way I could have lost the 20kgs I’ve lost without my band.

    Anyway, that’s my thoughts from a bandit perspective. Diets suck. For me, they always fail.

    V.

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      Vanessa, I was considering a lapband just over a year ago, though do know someone who’d had one and hadn’t lost too much weight (started drinking her calories – blending chocolates etc). I did think I needed to address the mindset issues (as you rightly point out) and the lapband wouldn’t help that – but I just commented to Coco that I realised I’m addressing the behaviour at the moment, so maybe it would have been possible.

      So glad you’re doing well with the band.

      Deb

  • Seana Smith
    July 18, 2012

    Hello, sounds like you are really getting a handle on it. I’m also not binging any more. A bit of comfort eating here and there. More wine than is strictly necessary at times… but nothing desperate and more or less maintaining my weight, which is not at all skinny, but I am happy with it. Hooray!!

    Quality over quantity wins it every time for me these days.

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      I’m exactly the same Seana – more wine than I should sometimes and the occasional comfort eating or less-than-healthy choices, but there are less extremes!

      Deb

  • Coco
    July 18, 2012

    I used to hate (or at least be really annoyed by) people who “preached” the non-diet diet , until I finally “gave up” and stopped “dieting” and finally lost those “last” 5-10 lbs that had been tormenting me for nearly a decade. (Sorry for all the quotes!) I also struggled with binge eating, so I do think the restriction feeds that tendency. (No pun intended)

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      Hi Coco and thanks for your comment! I was a bit the same. The notion of ‘mindful’ or ‘intuitive’ eating (also sorry for the quotes!) was always foreign to me – and mostly still is. I couldn’t imagine ever being that evolved that I could not want to binge. I definitely don’t think I’m there yet (and maybe never will be) BUT by focussing more on my behaviour I think I’m making some ground.

      Deb

  • jules- big girl bombshell
    July 18, 2012

    I will take those damns and buggers anytime! I love it when my posts prompts you as your writing prompts me to reflect and so on and so on…..

    Keep up the good work (and good writing)

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      Thanks Jules. Your posts are always so insightful and profound. I’m often at a loss for words when it comes to leaving a comment… plus I need time to process what I’ve read.

      Deb

  • Eating as a Path to Yoga
    July 18, 2012

    I think when you put losing weight on the backburner (doesn’t mean you won’t think about it or yearn for it) you can truly focus on being at peace with food. You can’t do both at the same time. War doesn’t work with peace.

    • Debbish
      July 18, 2012

      Maybe it’s like people say about relationships… when you obsess less about meeting someone you do. (Well, that hasn’t been the case with me, but I’m probably not in the right headspace yet!)

      But, I do feel more zen around food than I have for ages. I’m not (for example) sitting here planning to overdose on caramello koalas once this ‘diet’ finishes! Whether I can eat a chocolate without eating a hundred remains to be seen – and may never happen. I just need to make sensible decisions about allowing myself ‘regular’ access to those sorts of ‘sometimes’ foods.

      Deb

  • Liz@LastChanceTraining
    July 18, 2012

    I like EAPTY’s philosophy – it’s the yogic principle of balancing ‘wanting’ with ‘not wanting’. I’d rather comfort eat every now and again than go through the psychological damage that bingeing inflicts.
    You’re doing well on your own path Deb, keep at it.

    • Debbish
      July 19, 2012

      Thanks Liz.

  • Diane, fit to the finish
    July 18, 2012

    I so enjoy Jules’ blog and thoughts as well! I did “diet” to lose all my weight, but I also took the time to learn a lot about myself. I had to confront those demons that were part of my past, and learn how to handle all the emotions I had attached to food.

    • Debbish
      July 19, 2012

      Hi Diane and thanks for visiting and the comment. Yes, I lost 20-25kg (40-50lb) last year through dieting but then fell in a big heap – despite having about that much still to lose. I’ve kept most of it off (20kg of it) but struggled since then. I’ve found I just felt ‘exhausted’ from constantly trying to ‘diet’ and not succeeding. (It was fine when I was!!!)

      Given that I’ve regained weight I’ve lost a heap of times I’ve decided to focus on keeping this weight off, sustainable habits etc… but still want to work out how to continue to lose weight, without the obsessiveness that I seem to bring!

      Deb

  • Karen@WaistingTime
    July 18, 2012

    I’ve wondered about this off and on for quite a while. Has all my many years of dieting been the exact thing that causes me to struggle to maintain?! Maybe.

    • Debbish
      July 19, 2012

      It’s only when I haven’t been overly restrictive Karen that I’ve noticed that I’m not preoccupied with ‘where my next binge is coming from’.

      Deb

  • Jo Tracey
    July 19, 2012

    What was it someone once said? “It’s not abstinence I have a problem with, it’s temperance.” Oh so true.

    • Debbish
      July 20, 2012

      Yes… true indeed!

  • Katherine
    August 28, 2017

    A binger knows a binger… I understand that. I can eat an entire tub of ice cream in one sitting and then go looking for more stuff to shove in my face. It’s not fun. But that’s what diets do to me. 🙁

    • Debbish
      August 28, 2017

      Yes… I’m seeing a new therapist (just 2 appts in) and in the first she asked me about my binges. Since my weight loss surgery they’re more limited but I tried to explain the mindlessness that comes with a binge. I might not now be able to eat 1kg of hot chips and 800g of chocolate in a sitting but I can still binge in a way I don’t like.

      I tried to explain I can also eat half of entire batch of brownies in half a day and it’s not a binge. I choose to eat them for breakfast or lunch or morning tea or whatever, put them on a plate and appreciate them. I might eat too many and might not be as mindful as I should be when eating them but I’m in control. And bingeing is different and feels far more desperate and guilt-inducing.

  • Jo
    August 28, 2017

    I’m trying to be more aware of my body & what it needs – I tend to forget what I’m supposed to do & just go along doing what I’ve always done. Alcohol is a big thing for me – &, I think, the reason I’m putting on weight rather than losing. Other than that I’m eating better than I’ve ever done.

    • Debbish
      August 28, 2017

      As you know I’ve been increasingly struggling with this over recent months. As I’ve worried I’ve not lost as much weight post-surgery as I should have I’ve become more obsessed about the need to diet and that’s resulted in some binges.

      The moment I give myself permission to eat what I want the binges stop. I might not always (ever!) eat sensibly but the uncontrollable eating (and then the guilt and vicious cycle) stops.

  • maxtheunicorn
    August 28, 2017

    Yes I can relate! I go through so many different stages of’dieting’ it’s not even funny. And I often do the ‘restrict myself through the week then eat whatever on the weekend’ one too. It’s sounds like you’re doing quite well at the moment though. It’s so hard and a constant struggle isn’t it?

    Di from Max The Unicorn

    • Debbish
      August 29, 2017

      Oh it is Di and I hate the idea that it’s something I’ll grapple with for my entire life!

  • Denyse Whelan
    August 28, 2017

    Oh my, this was like a trip down my own memory lane. I have not so called binged but I have eaten to soothe and calm myself since I was a teen. The number of diets that I tried and worked and then weight went back on is too many to count. I liked many foods but I was also eating many because of my emotional health not being balanced. Eat to soothe…and to make up for things I didn’t like or had no control over. I then moved house and had all the life changes that affected me and brought IBS back into my life. Weight came off me without me noticing or trying. It felt weird but I knew I could no longer eat the quantities I did nor could I go out socialising to eat as I would be running to the loo straight afterwards. It has made me enjoy food less but then again I am much better at picking what my body needs rather than what my mouth needs to soothe. Losing over 30 kg in 3 years has been mind-blowing but effortless…in some ways. I miss eating decent meals but know the quantities which sit well with me now. Having had mouth surgery brought up many challenges for me and what/how to eat and over time I am learning what I eat for nourishment needs to also be something I enjoy. Still can have a little bit of chocolate and that is good. I am a believer in cutting nothing out ( although I am deprived right now I know it will end!) but watching portions. Long reply I know, but I wanted to share that we all have our issues in one way or another with food. Take care, dear Deb, you are a much valued person in my world. D xx

    • Debbish
      August 29, 2017

      Oh thank you Denyse, such lovely words.

      I also love what you say about not cutting anything in particular out. I was at my mum’s yesterday and mentioned that – even though I’ve made and eaten brownies in the last week or two – I’ve not been in ‘binge’ mode. It’s because I haven’t put restrictions on myself. I haven’t lost any weight but I’ve also not exercised a lot.

      I would like to lose a bit more weight but think I need to not focus on those numbers and think more about regular exercise for example and perhaps improving some of my meal options a little. (Other than tomatoes and onions it’s been weeks since I ate a vegetable!)

      • Denyse Whelan
        August 29, 2017

        Maybe throw the scales away? It was my best and positive move way back. Clothes became my measure then and that was the best. Still is. The only reason I got weighed in recent years was because of medical appointments and my surgery. Before I left hospital the dietitian weighed me and along with her BIG list of foods I HAD to eat and NOT to lose any weight. This pressure made me anxious!! In the end, because I got diarrhoea for multiple reasons (including the protein drinks she wanted me to try) and I lost another 2 kgs, my GP said “stop, and eat what you feel like and can” and do not be worried. That is exactly what I have done. Mind you, I now have to go buy some clothes that fit me better and my mind is telling me “oh you had better keep your bigger clothes as you may not stay this weight. Sigh.
        Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek. On Mon 11 Sept #LifeThisWeek turns one and that is the prompt! Next week: First car/bike.

        • Debbish
          August 30, 2017

          I’m seeing my surgeon this Friday Denyse and that should be it with him. My GP has been weighing my monthly and I think I’ll tell her I’ve had enough of it. I feel like I’m going there for a ‘weigh-in’…. which I kinda am.

  • Vanessa
    August 28, 2017

    One reason I’m not a fan of programs and plans is that the generic nature of them doesn’t allow us to find what works for us. They might give us some info along the way, but until we find the thing that makes us GET IT, nothing will work. Just gotta keep trying to find our own way of getting it in the meantimes.

    • Debbish
      August 29, 2017

      True. I guess in terms of ‘diets’ I liked Weight Watchers the best as you didn’t necessarily need to eat prescribed meals – it more provided guidance re types of foods etc… though in reality I guess counting calories does the same thing. Post weight loss surgery I was more focussed on the types of foods I ate (I had to have a lot of protein) and found it better than having to count calories. Though of course it’s just as easy to become obsessive about the ‘macros’ which I’m prone to do!

  • Sydney Shop Girl
    August 28, 2017

    Inspiring post, Deb! I agree, the mindset is key when it comes to changing our bodies through diet and exercise.

    SSG xxx

    • Debbish
      August 29, 2017

      Thanks and most definitely. I’ve long realised I needed to make sustainable changes but it’s a lot harder to do than I expected.

  • sizzlesue15
    August 29, 2017

    Good for you Deb and Jules! I don’t believe in diets because it makes us obsess about our weight and our food. I think you know me well enough now to know that my philosophy is to eat sensibly with the occasional treat and to exercise regularly. You will feel better physically and mentally rather than going round the twist counting calories or feeling guilty about eating that piece of chocolate cake. Have a great week!

    • Debbish
      August 29, 2017

      Thanks Sue and yes, I need to work on the ‘moderation’ thing which is a struggle for me. I’m such an ‘all or nothing’ person!

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