Ups and downs

Friday, August 27, 2010 Permalink

I hope that one day, I can sit back and read this and chuckle at the ups and downs I faced on what-is-supposed-to-be my final weight loss attempt.  I hope that the daily battles with chocolate and corn chips fade into oblivion as if it was someone else’s life they tortured, rather than my own.

But for now the battles are mine. 

I ate most of the corn chips yesterday.  Naturally.  I opened both packets and poured them into a huge bowl which I placed on my not-diminishing mound of a stomach so I could hold the sour cream dipping bowl in one hand and dip with the other.  I probably got through 350 of the 400 grams before I decided I was so full I needed to retire to the bath to loll like a beached whale.  But in a mammoth effort of ‘goodness’ before retiring to the soapy waters, I threw the rest of the corn chips out so I wouldn’t be tempted with them later.

Of course the fullness was gone by evening and my guilt along with it.  So I dined on a huge amount of mashed potato to go with my steak at the ridiculous hour of 9.30pm last night.  I suspect I succumbed to that old-dieters’ thinking pattern that I had already blown it, so I might as well keep going!!!

Although… on a slightly positive note, I did feel like chocolate and I didn’t venture out for any – however that may have been laziness rather than a strong will?!

So, here I am today.  Feeling glum.  As much because my ridiculously long holiday is nearing its close; and because I can’t motivate myself to go and do very-necessary chores; as my failure as a Weight Watcher.

It is approximately lunch time, but I breakfasted late, so figure I can go without.  As I sit here… feeling this antipathy re what I could (or should) be doing today, the idea of continued naughty eating behaviour is also marinating around my head somewhere.  So, not only do I feel guilty for not doing the chores I should be doing.  For not exercising. For not working on my writing course.  But also I feel guilty about cheating on my diet AGAIN when I haven’t even done it yet.  Grrr….

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