A month or so ago I was reading Shauna’s latest The Amazing Adventures of Diet Girl blog post. She’d not been posting as much and commented that she had been doing some thinking, particularly she said, about WHY she started her weightloss journey in the first place.
I’ve been thinking about this as well. As I said in a recent post, I’m in a fairly good place mentally in relation to dieting and weight loss. Having said that though, I still actually do want to lose weight. So, while it’s great I’m not obsessing over what I’m eating and bingeing… I’m still not the ‘person’ I want to be.
In fact, posts (like my last one) relating to how I feel about myself, my body and my self-image make it pretty evident that I still believe I NEED to lose weight to achieve certain things. And like Shauna, it got me pondering on the ‘why’.
Some time ago – when I was seeing the therapist / dietician – I wrote about the fact that she pointed out that the things I wanted for myself when I lose weight, were (in fact) attainable now. They were goals I could achieve AT ANY WEIGHT. Just, it seems, not in my mind.
Again I need to confess that my own reasons for wanting to lose weight are (dare I admit it) superficial, aesthetic reasons more about how others perceive me as well as my own vanity.
Unlike so many other (sane) people, I’m not doing it for my health.
Sure, (having lost 20kg to date) I like not having a belly that’s constantly in the way (umm… although with another 20kg to lose, I’m not entirely belly-less at this point in time!) and I like being a bit fitter; but I suspect I should have been worried about my health over these past 20 years of obesity overweightedness. (And, possibly should still be!)
I have three autoimmune diseases (hypothyroidism, coeliac and some stomach thing I paid so little attention when diagnosed last year that I cannot remember its name!). I’ve had injuries to one of my hips and some issue (at times) with my blood count – which combined with high blood pressure – can cause a clot or DVT.
I rave on here a bit about ‘the numbers that matter’. And those that don’t. I get antsy about the numbers on the scales (in kilograms as opposed to pounds – which mean nothing to me!) and care little about the numbers on the tape measure.
Similarly I read about others’ motivation for losing weight (heart issues, high blood pressure and so forth) and find myself a bit flummoxed as I’ve I’ve long been quite blasé about my own high blood pressure. Again, numbers which seemingly don’t matter (to me).
It was high for years before I decided to try to get pregnant in 2009 and my GP freaked about the concept of me being pregnant with my existing BP. In fact, she wondered how on earth she’d let me get away medication-free after about five years of consistently high blood pressure. (I suspect it was because I was always ‘gonna’ lose weight and losing weight in 2002-2003 had reduced my BP significantly.)
My lack of concern about my BP was such that even after being on the medication I often forget to take it and run out with no follow-up prescription. The last time that happened (admittedly early last year before I lost weight) my BP reached 190/129. Which apparently is not good.
I was at my doctor’s yesterday so asked about my history (determined to ‘care’ a bit more), and apparently my lower number (diastolic BP reading) was consistently over 100 for a long period of time. Again, not good. Apparently.
And I suspect I should care more. Certainly when something really goes wrong I’ll rue the years I didn’t take my own health more seriously. I don’t mean to sound glib about this; as the child and grandchild of people with heart issues you’d think I would be more concerned.
It also makes me wonder if my lack of weight loss consistency and success is a result of my own motivation.
I’m trying to lose weight for me, but I’m not. I’m doing it so others will find me attractive, or judge me less; or so I can wear clothes that have me perceived as a funky, hip chick. I’m doing it so I will look ‘normal’ but ‘stand out’ (for the right reasons) at the same time.
It’s about me, but it’s not something I’m doing ‘for’ me. If that makes sense.
Does that make sense?
Do you think our reasons for attempting something (such as weight loss) are important factors in our success?
July 25, 2012
Hi Deb,
When I started my journey, I cared little for those sorts of things as well. They’re what I call the “politically correct” stuff. However, train and lose some ‘vanity’ weight and they’ll become more meaningful. Whatever reason you do it for, think ‘action stations’ rather than being in your own head too much.
xx
July 26, 2012
Yes Liz… I’m definitely in my head too much I think!
Deb
July 25, 2012
I’m with you- I want to look good. Oh, sure it would help with the asthma & probably digestive issues & my old friend PCOS, but ultimately its about vanity- smaller clothes take up less room in suitcases.
July 26, 2012
Yes, the improved-health stuff is just a by product for me at the moment.
July 25, 2012
Body size is not an indicator of health. Fat and skinny people have high blood pressure, asthma, etc. In addition, weight loss is an outcome `not something we can actually control. We can only manage our eating and our moving. I try to focus on the behaviors. The end result is out of my hand. I want to nurture my body but feeding it and moving it in a way that feelings good.
July 26, 2012
I definitely agree about the healthiness issue. People often assume those who are bigger are less fit etc, but I know lots of slim people who NEVER exercise and don’t eat well.
Deb
July 25, 2012
Oof, I hope that didn’t come off as bitchy. I’m just really passionate and confident about my opinion!! 🙂
July 26, 2012
No, not at all!
July 25, 2012
I believe in enjoying life and to enjoy life, I need to be healthy …so I try maintaining a fitness regime ..but Im not going overboard with any diet plans..I love eating my yummy chocolates and will continue having them, only making sure that I burn that extra calories.
http://www.healthyaction.com.au/tribulus.html
July 26, 2012
The way others see you affects how they treat you. That’s just the way it is. So there’s nothing wrong with caring about what they see, so long as it doesn’t rule you. What you see matters, too. They both matter.
July 26, 2012
I agree that how we are perceived by others impacts on the way we are treated. I think about my own preconceptions and beliefs (some of which I’m not proud of) and how they impact my judgement of others. I think I’ve written in here ages ago about my own judgement about overweight people – which also obviously impacts on how I think about myself (even though I may not always fit the stereotype which I am upholding…). If that makes sense!!!
Deb
July 26, 2012
It makes total sense Deb…and I can relate (and yes, I think the reasons we choose to lose weight have a significant effect on whether or not we are successful). There have been many times when I used the guise of my health for wanting to lose weight, but in the end it most often came down to wanting to look a certain way. After I lost 55 pounds back in 2005-06 and then regained, losing that weight became more about my confidence and wanting to truly learn how to love and accept myself. I often say that that weight gain was such a gift, because it’s what got me started in that realm. My core belief is that when we love and accept ourselves right now, our bodies respond in kind, positively, and we achieve our natural, healthy weight.
Right now I am the healthiest I have ever been in my life (and on no prescription medications) but I am not the thinnest I’ve ever been. And while it might be partly due to having lost some weight, I know that the biggest reason I am so healthy is because I started to address some of the health issues I had from a more holistic, naturopathic approach. In other words, I got a root causes, and didn’t put a bandaid on it. Exercise and eating well also help 🙂
July 26, 2012
You’ve made me think a bit about why I exercise – less about aesthetics and more about feeling better and fitter I suspect – which is promising (for me!).
And yes, I need to work on respecting (caring / honouring) myself a bit more I think. (Be less about how others perceive me and more just ‘me’.)
July 26, 2012
yes.. it makes total sense….
and yes.. it makes total sense as to the motivation factor….
and yes…this may show the actual conflict within yourself…
your quote:
I need to confess that my own reasons for wanting to lose weight are (dare I admit it) superficial, aesthetic reasons more about how others perceive me as well as my own vanity
and the added note that “sane” people do it for health……
Our motivation is empowered when our goals are in line with our values…. if your reason to lose weight is for aesthetic reasons….so be it….that simple….and IT’S OKAY…..and it certainly DOES NOT make you insane….. it is just something you find value in and many of us look to losing weight for the SAME reasons….
my .02
PS I adore you and your honesty!
July 26, 2012
Thanks Jules… your comment about goals needing to be in line with our values has hit home. I guess I grew up to reject the concept of vanity and (overt) self-confidence. My father promoted humility always. I guess the superficiality of my desires feel wrong in some way. (ie. I should be better than that, want MORE than that!)
As for the honesty thing, I suspect that’s why I write and blog. I find it much easier to ‘write’ about my feelings and thoughts than to constantly talk about them. And – otherwise – they remain in my muddled mind marinating away….
Deb
July 26, 2012
I also want to lose weight for aesthetic reasons – and consider myself mostly sane. 🙂 And yes, I agree that losing weight is difficult – the best one can do is try to “manage our eating and moving”. Even that feels too much sometimes.
The one thing I wonder about is whether giving up your other “goals” prevents you from actually losing the weight. I’m not sure if what I say actually makes sense…
July 26, 2012
Satu, I think your comment is a bit like Liz’s – a version of ‘just do it’ (eat well and exercise) which is very very true. And I know what you mean about that sometimes feeling overwhelming.
As for the goals preventing me, I’m not sure. I wonder if the ‘why’ is important at all. Perhaps it’s just about knowing I want to do it and not pondering on my reasons.
Deb