I’m again joining Kirsty for her ‘I must confess’ challenge and today’s question is…. Do you feel beautiful? Why, or why not?
Eek. In my current headspace this could be a very dangerous topic and as I’m also vaguely (and occasionally) doing an alphabet challenge in April, it seems fitting that today’s letter is U. And we all know U is for UGLY.
However… I’m attempting to talk nicely to, and about, myself, so I haven’t gone that far. Instead I’m channeling girl group ‘TLC’ and talking about being ‘unpretty’.
I ‘think’ I grew up as a reasonably attractive person. I wasn’t ugly anyway. Inside or out.
But over the years I’ve worried a bit about my inside, as I seem prone to clasp to guilt and stress and – even worse – bitter resentment. Kinda.
However – cos I’m kinda superficial – it’s the outside that most concerns me.
I’m pretty sure I’ve thought this in the past, but I’m hoping this (as I am now) is as bad as it gets.
Those who read last Monday’s post will know about my ‘roadblock’ to contentment / happiness. I look in the mirror now and find it hard to identify anything beautiful or even pretty about what I see before me. Even my face now (not previously my worst feature) shows my excess weight. My skin is blemished and I’m still getting pimples though in the midst of menopause. I can’t wear makeup as my head sweats excessively, so my hair is almost always wet and sweaty.
I look at pictures of others – out and about – and can’t imagine myself there. Dressed-up, resplendent with wet hair pulled off my face in an attempt to disguise its sweatiness; and me, constantly wiping down my perspiring face.
So… do I think I’m beautiful? Nope. Not even vaguely. It sounds vain but I think I was once fairly pretty, or definitely not ugly. But now… perhaps not ugly. Just unpretty. So damn(ed) unpretty.
What about you? Are you beautiful? Inside AND out?
PS. Am not fishing for compliments or platitudes. Would prefer to hear your thoughts about YOU! x
|I’m making an attempt to get my blogging mojo back by posting EVERY day in April. #holdme
I’m going to be using prompts from a few different challenges underway. Today I’m linking up with Kirsty from My Home Truths for ‘I Must Confess’! And we’re up to the letter U on the alphabet challenge!