After my seemingly motivated posts earlier this week, I have been a bit down over the last couple of days. And I must confess that my mood is entirely self-inflicted. I had a bit of a blah day on Wednesday. Some stuff happened at work that stressed me out, my gym class was cancelled (again – although I did a lunchtime walk instead) and so by the time I caught a bus from work to visit my father in hospital I was weary and OVER it.
My mother and I arrived home (well, to brother’s place where we are cat-sitting) fairly late and I asked if she’d mind having leftovers for dinner as I was too tired to cook, even though I regularly cook for myself after 8pm at night. And, in typically ‘me’ style I decided on a dinner (for me) of scrambled eggs AND champagne. And… I must admit that lolling in the bath drinking champagne and reading a magazine, washing the day away, was indeed blissful.
But, then yesterday the guilt crept in. Although I’d had a healthy day and stayed under my calorie limit I felt guilty about the alcohol… and it impacted on my mood ALL BLOODY DAY. So, naturally I told myself that I wouldn’t do that again. Perhaps I’d just indulge in some wine on a Saturday (or not, if I could possibly manage it). I’d had several alcohol-free nights earlier in the week and it had been fine (and I had felt very virtuous).
And yet, for some unknown reason, on my way home last night I stopped and bought some more wine. Yes, I know…. I didn’t heed my own advice – there were many moments when the wine-buying and subsequent imbibing could have been derailed. I just needed to take some responsibility and BE STRONG. But alas…
So today, I again travelled into work feeling melancholy and annoyed at myself. It’s not really the calories that worries me, but more the signs of ‘weakness’, and fact that I did something I said I wouldn’t do. I failed.
As I was sitting on the bus mentally beating myself around the head I trawled through others’ achievements and healthy living via Twitter and Facebook and the like. Feeling guilty. And blah.
And then I saw this.
And I told myself to snap the fuck out of it and bloody well move on.