Self conscious, even in my dreams

Monday, May 20, 2013 Permalink

When I used to dream about ‘meeting the man of my dreams’ (as you do!) I was always this slim gorgeous thing which meant the man-of-the-moment could not help but be smitten.

I’ve noticed lately that (in these dreams) I’m far less perfect. Last week after watching some beach volleyball and deciding that one particular player involved was drool-worthy* I had some vague dream about meeting him (or someone like him as I really cannot recall the detail now); and then last night I had a strange dream where I came across a handsome / sexy stranger to whom I was extremely attracted. (As an aside, in the dream we were at a wedding – though I didn’t know anyone there – which involved lots of singing, Thai food and a swimming pool!)

I don’t have these sorts of dreams often. In fact, they’re rare for me which is a good thing. There’s nothing worse than that terrible feeling when you’re about to experience true love or adoration and you awaken – wrenched back into reality and leaving behind the ultimate fantasy.

Hemingway

In my recent dreams I’ve had very conscious thoughts about the fact that I’m overweight (or worse!). Though asleep I’m mentally struggling with ‘How could this person be attracted to me?’ and wondering if I’m imagining any feelings on their behalf. It seems I’m very self-conscious about my weight, even while sleeping; and my dreams usually finish before the man-of-the-moment declares his undying love which makes me wonder if that’s the point… I don’t believe they will. I don’t believe they can.

I don’t quite know what this all means… this sudden nocturnal consciousness of my feelings of being unlovable or unattractive. I know it’s silly to keep deferring attempts at romance until I feel more worthy / attractive and less repulsive (and yes, ย apologies to me for being so harsh on myself!) but it’s really not something I feel I can pursue now. I know that there couldย be men out there who are attracted to my fantastic (!) personality and witty (!) mind, but… my issues are more with ‘me’ than ‘them’. If that makes sense.

I apologise for this bizarre brain-dump and for sharing last night’s memories without editing or moderation, but it’s been on my mind. My dreams always intrigue me and I know their meanings are sometimes obvious, while other times they’re perhaps less-so.

Do you dream?
Do your dreams reflect stuff that’s happening in your life?

* Bizarrely, my two girlfriends and I were all ‘checking out’ this one particular player (in a very non-sexist and non-pervy way!). I thought it amazing that our taste was similar until I realised he was probably the only player within a 10 year radius of our age! ๐Ÿ˜‰

12 Comments
  • Char
    May 20, 2013

    For quite some time I hardly dreamt at all – when I was going through all the health problems of the last few years. Actually, I hardly slept either so I suppose that not dreaming is bound to be a side-effect. Now I’m so much better and sleeping better I’ve been having a lot more dreams. And they tend to be a little on the lurid side. I’m convinced that it’s the testosterone. There’s no declarations of undying love in my dreams but I’m getting more action there than I could have imagined.

    • Debbish
      May 20, 2013

      Oh…. You need to write a post about your dreams! They sound far more salacious than mine!

  • Jess
    May 20, 2013

    I dream a lot! This is going to make me sound crazy, but anyway, I was speaking to a psychiatrist a few years ago (I swear not because I’m crazy). ANyway, she told me that dreams are exaggerated reflections of our self conscious thoughts. So whatever we are worried about gets amplified and exaggerated in our dreams. That is why we dream about dying or being shot at or whatever it might be. She told me to analyse them you need to write down exactly your thoughts when retelling your dream, honest and brutal. I don’t know how much truth there is to all that, but sorta makes sense to me sometimes (depending on how wild the dream is).

    • Debbish
      May 20, 2013

      Hmm…. it feels a bit like I did in the post. As I mentioned, I’ve noticed a change in my dreams and I’m very self-conscious in them about my weight and probably also experience some regret or remorse that I am the way I am…

  • Maureen | Orgasmic Chef
    May 20, 2013

    Just thinking about my weight makes me anxious. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Debbish
      May 21, 2013

      Yes Maureen… I can definitely relate to that!

      Deb

  • MIZ
    May 20, 2013

    OH
    you know Id not put together IVE NOT BEEN DREAMING lately—till I read this.

    hmmm.

    • Debbish
      May 21, 2013

      Miz… I noticed I started remembering my dreams more (and I was dreaming more vividly) after moving late last year. I’m not sure if that comes from stressing less about work stuff etc and sleeping more soundly or just the different environment. I wonder if your sleep pattern / dreaming has changed since you moved?!

  • Cyndie
    May 20, 2013

    I always dream. I actually find it very tiring because it’s like leading two lives! I always try to think about something positive (ie: my next holiday, my little kitten etc,) before going to bed because I know there would be high chances I might dream about it. I remember the first time I started dreaming in English (I’m a French native speaker), it was strange but also a confirmation that I was becoming fluent. Now I mostly dream in English but I sometimes speaks a little French in my dream with French family or friends! ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Debbish
      May 21, 2013

      Oh, that’s interesting Cyndie… the bilingual thing! I like the notion of thinking about something positive before going to sleep in case it features in your dreams. Sadly, as soon as my head hits the pillow I start to stress about stuff! I must try to change that!

  • Satu
    May 22, 2013

    Your dreams are contagious! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I read your post yesterday and had the following dream last night: I met a Dutch guy and decided to move with him to Netherlands. (I barely knew his name). Then he revealed he’s some kind of cross dresser and things got kind of awkward after that – even though I tried to be broad-minded…. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Debbish
      May 22, 2013

      Hee hee…. Part of my dream last night was about my use of these pore patches (things you stick on your face til they dry and then you pull them off, taking with them blackheads!) and I left them on overnight and when I pulled them off in the morning there were HUGE things coming out of my face). Hate to think what that dream would translate as…. ?! x

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