I read with interest a transcript from the US Fitbloggin’ conference last weekend. Three genius and empowering bloggers (Shauna, Mara and Karen) facilitated a session on ‘self-acceptance’ – a subject which has been thrown about health and fitness and weight-loss blogs quite a bit lately along with the HAES (health at every size) initiative; and it’s something that a lot of us struggle with.
How can I love and accept myself (as I am now), when I have a whole heap of weight to lose; or when the scale and charts tell me I’m overweight or obese? Aren’t the two mutually exclusive?
Surely by ‘accepting’ the way I am now, I’m promoting some sort of contentment with my life and body rather than committing to change and improvement?!
Obviously it’s not this simple and I won’t go into a lot of detail because the Fitbloggin’ transcript is a great read and others’ blogs have been WAY more articulate on the subject than I could ever be.
I did want, however, to talk about a subsequent skpe session I had with US Blogger (acceptance whisperer and all-round positive influence and mentor) Karen earlier this week.
Karen’s started a practice working with clients using EFT (no, not the electronic transferring of money; rather an emotional freedom technique – a process drawing on several forms of therapy and using energy points). It’s a bit like non-invasive acupuncture while using positive affirmations. Sort of.
Now I’m sure you’re wondering how on earth there could be things I don’t yet know about myself… given my penchant for navel-gazing. But it seems there’s always more to learn.
When Karen asked me what I wanted to work on I went back to that issue of self-acceptance: accepting or even ‘liking’ who I am now, but still wanting to ‘improve’. I talked to her about becoming the person I’d like to be, or think I should be.
I’d written my last post (about seeking happiness from external sources) earlier in the day (of our session), so when I started talking about my belief that I’m ‘enough’ now, it hit home. I was a bit bewildered to answers to the external happiness questions where I talked about wanting ‘more’ and being afraid of not being or not having ‘enough’. I can think of practical examples (running out of binge food etc), but as something I want to strive for in life…. well, I’m just not sure where they came from and what I specifically mean.
But what WAS surprising was when we were using negative affirmations (which we then turn into positives), I actually balked at saying “I am not okay the way I am now.” (Yes, me who disses herself ALL OF THE TIME!)
“That’s not true,” I said to Karen. (Then worried I sounded arrogant or vain!)
“I am okay as I am now,” I said. And truly believed it.
We’d come full circle again because I said I DO actually believe that I’m an okay person and that I’m doing okay. I just believe IT’S NOT ENOUGH.
“For whom?” is obviously the next question (or should that be ‘For who?’ Whatever!).
Do others expect more of me? Maybe once, but not now. And so – unsurprisingly – yet again, it’s all about me.
I do believe I’m okay. But I don’t believe I am enough.
And there endeth the lesson. (Well, our first session anyway!)
Do you believe you can accept who you are, but still want to ‘improve’?
Do you believe you can think you’re okay, but feel you should be better than that?