I had a lovely email from a former work colleague and friend the other day. We are both on Facebook but she’s less *ahem* effusive in her posting than I so – while my life is usually laid bare – she (like most normal people) doesn’t share her every thought or activity with the world.
She reads my blogs (hello M!) so knows exactly what I’m up to. She said she thought I sounded happy. She also said that she kinda envies the fact that I made a big change in my life (taking the work redundancy, selling, moving and pursuing something different).
Because I have this ridiculous desire to be honest and transparent my response was as open (and analytical) as my blog posts.
“I have no regrets,” I said. “It has been the best decision I’ve made.”
I did confess to worrying about money. I’ve most-certainly tightened my money-spending belt. Meals / snacks out have decreased. And wanton spending on clothes or beauty treatments etc are a thing of the past. But that’s mostly okay.
I’m usually big on regret. In my Debbish blog I’ve written about the concept of a Do-Over or an ‘Undo’ button. Even now I can probably pinpoint a number of stages in my life where I wish I’d changed course. But… I also know that things happen for a reason and – had my choices been different – the dominos may not have fallen in the way I assumed.
After pondering a little more I told M that, while I don’t rue my decision to finish work and move, I do have a couple of regrets from the past 9-12 months.
My biggest is around my exercise. “I wish I’d kept it up,” I said.
I was gymming 4-5 days a week when working. Zumba, dance, Pump, Circuit and pilates classes. Back then I was worried I’d plateaued and wasn’t pushing myself hard enough.
But then I left work (and the gym). I got quite sick in the two months I had my place on the market, sold, bought and moved.
You may recall that – once better – I attempted to get back into things, but didn’t find a gym and apathy crept into my life. I got sick again and that was all the excuse I needed.
Suddenly I was back where I was 2-3 years before. Unfit and struggling with the basics.
Although I’m trying to get back into Zumba (and yoga) my routine has all-but disappeared while I’ve been staying at my mother’s. I’ve tried to do SOMETHING however, and calculated that I’ve done 7 walks in the last two weeks. Better than nothing. (Or a poke in the eye with a blunt stick… to quote some comedian I cannot now recollect!)
So… here I am. A little worried about money, my weight gain and my fitness. But, the process of reflecting HONESTLY on my past year was indeed useful.
After my email response was sent I decided to head off on a walk. With my latest fave blaring in my ears (Olly Murs’ Dear Darlin’ FYI) I headed on to the nearby pier. My favourite place. And I was again reminded of the beauty around me and how fortunate I am to be here and to be a part of it. I know it will sound wanky but I do believe I’m trying to live intuitively. For the first time ever.
And how can I complain AT ALL about my life when I have this?
And… then all was well in the world.
Have you been happy with the decisions you’ve made, but (at the same time) wished you’d done things a bit differently?