Beware: soul-searching ahead!
I was reading a post recently when I had one of those A-ha! moments. Sadly not one which allowed me to accumulate great wealth, achieve world peace or become the fabulously zen person I’d like to be. Rather, in Julia’s Feed Me Daily blog, she exclaimed, “Why can I never feel satiated?” (Okay, maybe I’m overstating a bit, but ‘exclaimed’ seemed more poignant, than ‘wondered’. )
Satiated: The. Perfect. Word.*
I’ve written here about my binge-eating on many an occasion. I’ve tried to explain (and understand) why I do it. I know it’s not about the food. I talk about trying to ‘fill a hole’, about feeling ’empty’ (or angry, quite often). I talk about ‘silencing the rage’. So I stuff food in, trying to feel ‘full’. Trying to feel ‘satisfied’. And yet, it doesn’t work.
I’ve realised the language is important. Sure I feel ‘full’ after I’ve shoved an inordinate amount of food into my body, but I don’t feel ‘satisfied’.
A blog I follow, named after author and celebrity diet guru, Dr Stephen Gullo, though jam-packed full of resources and news recently featured a post on Food Addiction. (HELLO!? Relevant much?!)
The post referred to a Yale University study which suggests that the brain can be ‘hijacked’ by certain food. It suggested that, “One of the key components of mindless eating and food addiction or is the lack of satiation.”
And there it is again. That word. Satiation. (It’s stalking me. Obviously!)
The Food Addiction post goes on to give an example which could be my own, where a person eats one cookie, doesn’t feel satisfied, so eats another and so on. It cites a further study which found “obese people had lower levels of dopamine in the brain’s ‘reward’ areas. (Dopamine, being a neurotransmitter that encourages us to eat.) While it sounds backwards that an obese person would actually have less dopamine, this study suggests that those with less dopamine overeat and binge eat specifically because they receive little to no reward from it.”
Hmmm…
I’ve talked previously about my ability to eat an inordinate amount of food. 4 x 200g blocks of chocolate in a sitting. After 2 large bags of corn chips. Or a kilogram of hot chips. Although I’d try to choose foods that took time to eat (revelling in the event itself), the shovelling-of-food-into-my-body was always too short-lived.
Suddenly it was over and I’d be so full I felt sick.
Feeling full however, doesn’t always imply contentment. Just as (for me) feeling satisfied doesn’t always imply contentment. I could be ‘satisfied’ but still wanting more.
Feeling satiated is a whole different story. It implies that my needs (physical and emotional) are met. That is what I cannot achieve in a binge. Perhaps no one ever does. But it’s what I suspect I yearn for. I don’t want to feel satisfied (ho hum). I don’t want to feel full. I want it all! I want to feel satiated.
The Food Addiction post includes some sensible suggestions like being aware of your food addiction triggers and foods that make you lose control. “Plan meals in advance,” it suggests. And I believe my current commitment to stay away from my ‘binge foods’ puts me in good stead and points me in the right direction.
However… I’m becoming increasingly conscious that ‘food’ isn’t ever going to satiate me. And until I accept that and find out what can and will, I may well remain ’empty’.
Does my full versus satisfied versus satiated distinction make sense to anyone else?
Can you relate?
According to The Free Dictionary, Satiate = to satisfy to excess
July 20, 2012
yep, get it. And the more you shove into the spaces, the bigger the spaces get & the more they need filling. Apparently the trick is finding something else that fills the gaps. I’m not there yet either.
July 20, 2012
My blogging/writing does it a bit. It’s one of the only things that completely takes my mind off food etc. (And it makes time fly!)
Not sure that’s exactly what I mean though.
Deb
July 20, 2012
This is where I have found yoga helpful – it’s not really my first go-to exercise of choice (and it sounds funny as I’m nearly certified as a teacher) but it really helps the whole satiation experience.
July 20, 2012
Is it because it’s calming or settling I wonder?!
July 20, 2012
Hi Deb,
Yet another thought procoking and awesome post! I don’t know how you do it! I get it all too well. And even more so now with different medications playing a part in the mix.
I have one medication with a side effect that is very strong in my body of insatiable hunger. Bummer!! And then there are two medications that according to the medical world are supposed to have a strong side effect of weight loss/loss of appetite, but it is not counteracting the other medication like the doctor intended. My life has been miserable. I invested time and energy and money into more than a year of Weight Watchers, a trainer, and just me overall and you can’t tell by looking at me that any of that happened. I loathe taking this med and am having the hardest time getting my doctor to let me off it.
Without the medication, I could have easily lost 80 lbs in a year. I have done that in the past. And I can eat healthy and not too much and do all the right things and I’ll lose a little bit, but because of the medication, I hold onto weight and my body won’t let go of it!
So, I do get what you are saying – my situation is just more medication induced.
July 20, 2012
Thanks for your lovely compliment Runa…. but I’m so sorry to hear about your medications. How frustrating that must be for you!
I hope you can reduce the meds soon!
Deb
xx
July 20, 2012
I wrote about it once in an astro blog (probably something to do with Scorpio or Taurus I would say…)- it’s like being hungry, so hungry you’re ravenous, but the appetite is for something completely different.
July 20, 2012
Yes, I can understand that.
July 20, 2012
Well, if we are eating the right foods in the first place, nobody is bingeing on apples or celery, etc… The drug of choice, chips, chocolate, etc… encourage the binge to get the reward of the brain zing.
I completely agree with your main point…that food is never going to fill an emptiness that can only be filled by something else. I’ve had many happy days where food has been the last thing on my mind–meaning I definitely didn’t overeat.
I do think that overeating is related to rumination of disturbing thoughts. When I overthink about anything in the past, I tend to overeat more. Living in the present is much less emotionally burdensome.
🙂 Marion
July 21, 2012
I love your ‘living in the present is less overly burdensome’ comment and think that worrying about the future / living in the past are probably both problematic in terms of the mindless eating etc.
Like you Marion I have – but rarely (though) – had my happy / fulfilled / satiated days when I barely thought about food. I’d like there to be more of them!
Deb
July 20, 2012
I can’t wait to read about it when you figure it out. I am still looking for the answer myself. Also, there are some days when it literally feels like nothing ‘hits the spot.’ Those are the worst days for me – feeling so empty, so drained, and thinking that food can ‘fill me up.’ It never works.
July 21, 2012
I’ll patent it when I work out out Julia (like the meaning of life) and sell it and make a fortune!!!! (Or something!)
Deb
July 20, 2012
Maybe the opposite is true: are we perhaps over-satiated? On easy access to foods and comforts? Especially in the US everything is geared towards making life better and more manageable, but has this constant striving for ease and comfort, with a good dose of instance gratification mentality, come at the cost of our spiritual and emotional satiety?
July 21, 2012
Oh Kerstin, I SO see your point and know I’m one of the worst culprits – always wanting (expecting!!!) more – not even just the easy or straight-forward stuff; but more that we’re so hard to satisfy in general. I often think about my dad who had a ‘No one likes their job,’ attitude, whereas I’ve always assumed at some point there’ll be some self-actualisation and I’ll LOVE what I am doing… and guess I still hope for (expect?!) that. (Though I am running out of time!)
Deb
July 21, 2012
It makes total sense…and that word – “satiety” – was used a lot when I was at Green Mountain At Fox Run. In order to be satiated via a meal or snack, we must include fat, protein, and carb (high in fiber and fluid) in order to truly feel content (physically and emotionally) with what we’ve eaten. So instead of just an apple, choose an apple with nut butter or cheese. I know for myself, the tendency would be to think I should just have the apple, as that’s less calories, but when truly hungry, it’s not going to cut it and then I’ll go for more food anyway. That’s also why cookies alone, or chips alone, don’t cut it. Great post!
July 21, 2012
Thanks Karen. I really wish I could go to Green Mountain At Fox Run – as I love hearing about it. I’ve been to a health retreat here in Oz and a fat camp… the former more holistically focussed, but not addressing eating issues etc. I like the notion of it focussing on the behavioural aspects (and the ‘what’ to eat) as well as the mental/emotional.
Deb
July 21, 2012
Satiated… in life we can’t just be satiated by food. We need other things in life to get satiated. Hopefully, we learn to find just more than satiation but rather satisfaction and joy, too. I think there is a component in our overeating/binge eating that is eating because we don’t find mindful lives.
July 21, 2012
Yes, so very true.
xx
July 21, 2012
In my head I have often heard the song refrain “I can’t get no… satisfaction.” When it comes to me is when I am binging and overeating. In that moment I realize that no matter what I eat, there is not sense of satisfaction that comes from it. I want something else. That doesn’t satisfy me either. But when I am eating well, staying on track, I don’t feel that urge or desire or a sense that nothing is satisfying me. Hmmm.
July 22, 2012
Karen, isn’t it strange how our mind and willpower work…..?!
April 20, 2014
Hey Debbish,
I found this post when Googling around to prepare for a blog post I was writing, about reaching satiation through diet.
I found that when you eat fat, your gastrointestinal tract releases cholecystokinin, a hormone that triggers the physiological pathway for satiety. It acts as a regulator of appetite, to limit the amount of food consumed during an individual meal.
So perhaps eating higher fat foods will give you that feeling of satiety you wonder about.
I wrote more about it in my blog post here, with my favorite high fat foods: http://ryanio.com/2014/satiation
Best,
Ryan
April 20, 2014
Will check it out. Thanks Ryan!
October 26, 2015
Hi Deb,
Came across your blog after Googling “why don’t I ever feel full, satiated”…
I know it’s been a few years since the original post and I was wondering if you’d learnt anything startling in the interim?
I’m a sugar addicted binge eater and I KNOW I eat as a way to try and fill myself emotionally, to comfort myself or some such thing, but once a craving takes hold, I CANNOT turn away from it. I can’t rationalise or even reach myself to try and avert and gut-busting binge. I can binge on healthy foods like bananas with honey or granola straight from the box – healthy, gluten free, no added sugar snack bars, cold deli meats, ANYTHING! Hence I try not to have anything too snackable in the house. But dear lord! Those cravings!
If you find the answer, or ‘an’ answer, please do let me know
October 26, 2015
Hi Margo
And sadly I still don’t have the answer. I’ve come to think I may never have the answer. One thing I’ve improved on recently though it ‘sitting’ with the need to binge. I’m not completely ‘successful’ and the last week wasn’t a good one, but I did actually have 6-8 weeks when I was not dieting, but also not bingeing. I was able to sit and WANT to go and stock up and binge like crazy but could stop and ask myself it that’s what I really wanted. I think NOT dieting helped in that respect. Other stuff wasn’t really off-limits. So even though I was staying away from some of my binge food at home, I was eating it out (hot chips / fries with out with others, chocolate in small amounts at my mother’s) I didn’t feel too desperate. Plus I knew I was still able to have some of my fave foods (steak with pepper sauce and baked potatoes / pasta etc) at home.
Here’s a post I wrote about it a few weeks ago: https://www.debbish.com/diet-schmiet/binge-eating-and-sitting-with-feelings/
Deb
October 26, 2015
Thanks for that Deb, I’ll check it out. I saw some of your more recent Diet Shmiet posts after I made my original comment, so that was helpful. I could weep, I really could – how much time, energy, emotion and money (so much goddam money! Fad diet items, diet pills, diet gadgets, exercise equipment, diet paraphinalia) have I wasted on this journey? How much of my life have I spent thinking about food and my weight? I’m an intelligent goddam woman! I’m a medical professional with a PhD and yet I feel HELPLESS! *sigh*
October 26, 2015
I completely understand Margo. My undergrad degree is in Psychology and I once read everything and anything I could on eating disorders AND I’ve seen a stack of therapists (from different therapeutic backgrounds and ideologies). And yet….
February 15, 2019
Hey Deborah, as I was reading your blog I had a bit of an epiphany. This whole mindfulness act during/before eating – it occurred to me to ask myself How I would like to feel when I’ve finished eating this meal.
Satiated for sure, but until now that only applied to my own personal Fullness Index (just made that up). Perhaps another part of the answer to that question “How would I like to fell” could include how proud I am of myself for having been aware of what I’m eating. How it tastes, how diligently I took time to consume every bite, acknowledge that I was conscious of when I had eaten enough and that I stopped eating when I reached that point. Essentially congratulating myself on being mindful.
I’m going to ponder that as I sit her feeling quite satisfied with the healthful meal I just ate, and that I was mostly mindful of the food and how I felt while I was eating. It feels pretty good.
By that way, that’s a nice photo of you, and what’s a Seachanger?
Cheers,
Eric
February 16, 2019
Hi Eric, I completely get what you mean re how you want to feel after. I wish I could remember that more often… (and not become overly full – of food and regret!). As for the seachanger thing, I made a ‘seachange’ as we sometimes call it here in Australia – moving from the small city to a town near the sea.
October 24, 2019
I just stumbled upon this post through a Google search.
I’ve had an eating disorder for most of my life and while reading a novel today I came across the word satiated. I was kinda struck by it, because I thought: that’s what I’m always trying to accomplish. So I started to google the distinction between satisfied and satiated and that’s when I ended up reading this post. I just thought I’d leave a comment because it’s interesting to read that someone else thought about those words in the same context.
November 4, 2019
Hi Carolina and sorry for the delay in responding. For me the word seems perfect as it implies some level of contentment that isn’t really reflected in the word ‘satisfied’.
Glad it resonated. I’m always pleasantly surprised to come across others who feel the same way about things. So often we feel as if we’re alone with our thoughts and feelings and they can be hard to discuss or describe – one reason I love the world wide web!