As I continue to struggle with self-acceptance (self-love and similarly wanky notions – joking… though I do concede that it’s a bit trendy to talk about self-acceptance at the moment!) there’s one aspect that alludes me.
My not-dieting approach and increased happiness with my life means my ‘self-loathing’ is diminishing and with that my anger and urge to stuff myself with food. I’m not saying it’s gone, it’s just watching from the wings… waiting to see if the show can continue without it.
However, I’m still incredibly self-conscious about my body. I recently permitted a ‘selfie’ photo which featured my entire face but there is no way in hell I would allow a picture of my whole body be put out there for the world to see.
I do remember writing a post just last year about the fact that it was wrong to blame my poor body for something my mind / head / emotions did to it. But still… the fact remains, ‘it’ embarrasses me. (Naughty, naughty body!)
Here in Australia, there’s a group of women who post under the theme, Aussie Curves, each Monday. They are ‘plus-sized’ women who share pictures of themselves and their entire bodies via the world wide web. And no… they’re not huddled behind someone else so you just see their head; and they’re not featuring weird arty shots of only part of their body. (I should add that it’s all about the clothes and there’s a theme each week, lest you imagine I’m talking about something viewed by those 18yrs and over!)
Sure I might occasionally look at some of the pictures and think that an outfit isn’t particularly complimentary, but I would never berate or judge any of the brave women for putting their larger-than-is-the-norm-in-magazine-world bodies out there. I love that they own their curves. I love that they own their bodies… (In reality, I realise that by making a big deal of the fact they’re willing to put pics out there, I’m perpetuating that furfie that only perfect specimens should flaunt their bodies! Argh!)
I’m sure some of them are trying to lose weight or get fitter or healthier, but I’m proud they’re demonstrating (something I’m yet to adopt): that you can still love the body you’re in even though you may be wanting to make changes to your life. I’ve oft-admitted putting ‘things’ on hold until…. until I’m slim (or at least not-fat) or until everything’s perfect. Not only does that mean I fritter away ‘the now’ but it also means that I don’t appreciate what I have.
And that’s something I need to work on.
Are you self-conscious when it comes to your body?
Do you take pride in your body and your appearance?
May 28, 2013
There are very few full photos of me anywhere anyone other than my family can see them. It’s such a pity that we’ve been to so many great places & there are very few photos of me that I’m ok about sharing. And yes, I realise that’s not a healthy attitude, but it just is. I don’t hate my body, but nor do I like it. Often I feel as though I’m engaged in a passive aggressive struggle with it. On that note…I’m off to the gym!
May 28, 2013
I completely understand Jo. I see myself in pictures and am horrified, or rather – I see myself in the mirror and refuse to be in pictures… but I miss out on so much. I think I’ve mentioned before that I don’t have a lot of photos of my father and I in the years before he passed because of my self-consciousness in front of the camera.
But I look at the Aussie Curves girls and they’re out there, looking great and being proud of who they are. And… I want that. (Despite, you know… me!)
May 28, 2013
Hello! I just came across this post through twitter. I take part in the Aussie Curves challenges whenever I can. I really love what it is doing for the plus size community. We are showing that we look beautiful, are fashionable, and are willing to show ourselves to the world. I was really nervous at first. I was worried I would get ‘fat haters’ comments. But I realised that I had something g to share. I have learnt so much through the experience. I don’t always have the best body confidence, and often have a hate/ hate relationship with how I look. But AC is helping me accept whom am right now. Join in, even if you just want to join out FB page and post a picture privately through there 🙂
May 28, 2013
Hi Janna and thanks for commenting. I’m actually a member of the FB page already. I LOVE the Aussie Curves pics. And I’ve met a few of the bloggers involved at conferences etc and really appreciate the confidence with which pics are shared. I know there are (sometimes) haters out there and ‘hate’ that, but love the camaraderie it’s building!
Deb
xx
May 28, 2013
I have never been overweight but I have always been self conscious of my body. My husband gets so mad because when we go the the beach I always wear a rash vest and boardies. I can’t handle just being in a swimming suit. I get envious of some of the women who are so comfortable in bikinis. I’d never be able to relax and enjoy myself in just a suit. I don’t know where or why I became like that but it has definitely been from a young age.
May 29, 2013
I was chatting with a friend last night who was once a teacher and she commented on the number of teenaged girls who would be absent from swimming carnivals because they felt self-conscious in bathers! It’s funny as I assume only those overweight have major body issues, but guess that’s not true!
May 28, 2013
Ive been thinking so so so much about this as my daughter starts to head toward the time we women tend to being to dislike ourselves…
May 29, 2013
Oh yes indeed. I used to spend a lot of time with my niece and was always conscious of the impression I was leaving on her…
May 29, 2013
I’m very self-conscious when it comes to my body. I had to go out shopping recently for bridesmaid dresses and felt uncomfortable trying on clothes and showing them to a couple of girls that I didn’t know well. Stupid when I was two sizes smaller but I was convinced that I was the same size. And I totally plan on getting control underwear to wear under the figure-hugging dress to make my enormous (which isn’t that big at all but it’s my most hated body part) tummy flatter.
I do think a lot of this self-consciousness stems from a strict Christian upbringing where we were virtually told that the female body should not be exposed or used to tempt a man in any way.
May 29, 2013
That’s interesting Char (your upbringing and its relevance to how you feel about exposing body parts!). I’ll refrain from telling you that you don’t have an enormous tunny… cos I know we’re all self conscious about various bits of our body!!! xx
May 29, 2013
I’m self conscious about the way I look but I’m getting better at accepting my size (I think). I love Aussie Curves too. I’ve been posting a few full length photos of myself lately because I’ve been trying to make myself feel better by making sure I dress up every day rather than hanging out in leggings and uggies all the time. I’ve got some lovely comments so it has worked in cheering me up. I’m so tired of fighting with myself all the time about my size, the food I eat, the exercise I don’t do. I’ve gained 7 kgs this year which I’m not happy about but I’m sick to death of worrying about. I definitely feel better with that weight off but I’m not going to wait for myself to get back there to enjoy wearing nice clothes.
Good piece Deb.
V.
June 15, 2013
I am SO self conscious. And even though I’m glad they feel comfortable, I always cringe when I see people taking selfies, no matter what their size!
June 16, 2013
I really wish I could. I look at some of the girls I follow and love their pictures and think they look great (mostly) but just cannot imagine doing that myself without picking the picture to pieces or feeling really self-conscious at my size!
June 16, 2013
Yeah I hear you! And weirdly (I’ve been thinking about this some more today), sometimes I’ve actually found myself unfollowing certain blogs because I feel like I don’t know enough about the person. Like I’ve never seen a photo of them, never heard if they are a mother, partner, daughter, etc. But! It’s pretty pathetic to do that really given that I never post photos of myself on my own blog!
Anyway, that’s all from me on this 🙂