After last year’s Problogger Training Event I returned home in a funk – confused about who I was, as a writer and blogger, and as someone poised to pursue their passion. Of course the conference was in early October and I’d just taken a redundancy from my government position and was in the midst of selling my place and indulging in a seachange. In retrospect I was a tad numb and struggled to actually process anything I learned.
Fast forward one year and I’m just home from the 2013 Problogger training AND Saturday (21 September) is the first anniversary of my final day of work for the Queensland Government.
The timing is again strange and a lot’s happened in the past week which has challenged my thinking and my plans. I’ve found myself confounded by the question of which direction to take. I’m a planner by nature. I need to know where I’m going. I’ve drifted along a little this past year, but with vague plans to avoid crashing to earth in a big heap.
This year’s blogging event threw up some interesting questions which I’m yet to process and I was struck by the extremes on offer: blog monetisation and commercialisation of our blogs; or writing to meet the needs of readers; or – of course – a combination.
I’ve realised I don’t write with my readers in mind and that’s perhaps why my stats aren’t great. I write for me. I know I receive comments from those who can relate to my blitherings but it’s mostly about what I ‘want’ to say.
Another speaker at the conference talked about ‘big changes’ and knowing when they were afoot. I’m getting a sense that this is the case for me.
Do I want to keep blogging?
What else COULD I write?
What am I going to do about my weight? My health? My fitness?
What is it I want from life?
Who do I want to be and how do I want to be remembered?
I couldn’t have asked myself these questions over a year ago. Back then it would have felt indulgent. I felt obliged to work, earn money and pay my mortgage. My greatest regrets were not having a partner and family and having to live life alone. I didn’t stop to think about my options. I didn’t feel I had that luxury.
I like to think I’ve been doing what Jennifer Polle calls ‘Intuitive Living’ over this past year. I’ve been ‘going with my gut’ and making decisions based on what felt right. I want to continue in that vein but am struggling to even consider options and paths before me. I feel somewhat overwhelmed.
So… here I am. Post-conference, and I’m struggling to process ANYTHING. There are a couple of things I need to do that I’ve been deferring for AGES which would probably help, but…. I. Just. Can’t. Go. There.
Nevertheless the things not-yet-done play on my mind. So, I’m trying to work out HOW to move forward.
I’ll let you know if I work it out.
Can you relate?
Do you ever feel stuck, but know you need to move?Any hints?
Today I’m linking up with With Some Grace and Flog Yo Blog Friday!
September 20, 2013
I feel like this a lot. I sometimes wish there was someone out there who would just take me in hand and say this is what you should do and how you should be doing it and, by the way, you’re a genius ( ha ha). When my youngest left high school I thought there was a n opportunity to change my path a little but three years on I’m just doing the same old thing.
September 20, 2013
Last year for me was the big change, but I guess I’m wondering if I need to reassess where I’m heading.
Having said that, you seem kinda happy so perhaps you’re on the right path!
September 20, 2013
I hear you. I’ve had more frequent ‘I’m stuck, what now?’ moments as time’s passed. I hate feeling a bit like I’m in limbo. I hope you find a way to work through it and answer the big questions!
September 20, 2013
Thanks for dropping by and your comment! Even though I’ve said I want to ‘go with my gut’ it’s like I want time to think about stuff and process things a bit.
September 20, 2013
I can 100% relate to what you’ve written here!
I am always trying to work everything out with my mind. I’m constantly analysing every angle of what I should do, why I should do it and feel like I go round and round in circles.
This hasn’t gotten me very far. The only time things move forward and I learn more about what I do or don’t want is when I push myself into something.
My plan for 2014 (and the remainder of this year) is to live each day and to not plan anything else. Each day, I want to see what I can experience, what happiness I can create and what contentment I can find.
Whether I can do it is another story altogether!!
September 20, 2013
Oh Mirella, I love your plan (of having no plan). I am going to check out your blog and see how you go!
Deb
September 20, 2013
I blog for me as well, I don’t really think about my readers. Maybe that’s why my stats are not that great either. you’ve got me thinking…and now I’m stuck too!
But we can be stuck together 🙂
Looking forward to reading how you resolve it all, as I’m sure there will be something in there for me too.
September 20, 2013
Thanks Wendy. I think that’s something I got from Problogger – that there seem to be those who think… ‘build it (or write it) and they will come’ and those who are more strategic. I like the former, but… the competitive freak in me would find it hard to let go of stats etc.
September 20, 2013
In a similar ‘space’ at the moment. Somethings are moving along just fine, and others are at a standstill. I know what I want, just have not got all the steps in place on how to get there. One little exercise that I have been doing, is the ‘My Perfect Day’ plan. You take a sheet of paper and write down what your perfect day looks like. Do this regularly and just see what comes up. Don’t judge, just allow your sub-conscious to have it’s say. 🙂
September 20, 2013
Hi Nikki, I love the sound of that plan. My old life coach did something with me with me – but more long term… what do I want each of my days to be like. Perhaps that’s something I can revisit and work out what’s currently missing!
Deb
September 20, 2013
You’ve really tapped into something here. You’ve summed up exactly how I feel about my blog and my life in general. Here’s hoping we can both find some fresh direction – ProBlogger or no.
September 20, 2013
I had a job interview earlier this week for a position I didn’t think I really wanted and I was worried I’d be offered the job and would feel I had to take it… which would put me back to where I was a year or more ago. Thankfully (!?) I didn’t get the job so the pressure is off a bit, but it means I still need to think about what it is I want (for me and my blog) and what direction I want to move in!
Thanks for your comment.
Deb
September 20, 2013
When I first started blogging I did it to share my holiday with my family and friends. Then, boosted by friends and friends of friends I started to think I could blog for riches (or at least a big following). I thought about what I’d write in the ‘blog to riches’ . I realised my stories were my ramblings and lacked organised flow that the ‘rich blogs’ seem to have. I love writing but I lack desire to do it for others. But I still do have dreams of grandeur that one day the Sunday Telegraph will use a holiday blog post of mine :))
September 21, 2013
Oh absolutely… I hear ya. I tend to think my blog is less about the content than it is about writing, but that’s from my perspective! Perhaps that’s also why I don’t have gazillions of readers! 😉
September 20, 2013
I don’t think blogging can solve all dilemmas but it sure is fun. It’s so great that it has served you well though, although it may not feel like it. I really like following you on your path – and of course you know you are on a path and getting somewhere. I think someone like you can accomplish great things once you set yourself to do it. Just swing out Debbish and I think you will really like where it takes you.
September 21, 2013
Oh thank you… I am at a bit of a crossroads with my blogging and where I want it to take me. It makes sense I guess as it’s a year (today) since I finished work and started this new life. Perhaps I’m still working out what I want it to look like!
xx
September 21, 2013
Know that feeling well. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do whatever you need to do.
I was moaning and groaning about whether I want to go back to work full time. Then the other week I just sucked it up and went for an interview. It was empowering. I didn’t necessarily want the job but it was good to be in control.
September 21, 2013
I was a bit the opposite Grace. HAD decided I never wanted to work full-time again (figured 25yrs was enough! 😉 ) BUT got sucked into that… “I should apply for this job” thing. It’s weird that work ethic that we’re raised with – you work, earn money, pay your mortgage, retire etc). I think when I discovered I wasn’t going to have kids (and was still single) it gave me the freedom to step back and think about WHY I was doing what I was doing. Although I would have much preferred a family, kids etc; NOT having any of that means I really only have to think about myself. No need to conserve my money for anyone’s education / future. (It’s a tad depressing, but also freeing. If that makes sense!)
Deb
x
September 21, 2013
Frequently feel like this. But I hope that that the old adage that as one door closes, another opens, will be true for me. Just need to shut a few doors first!
September 23, 2013
Oh yes… I’m surprisingly happy when opportunities disappear so I completely understand what you’re saying!
September 22, 2013
Well the conference threw up SO many questions, ideas and things that I have no idea where to start either. The task ahead, not that I even know what it is yet, seems so arduous!! I think 15 minutes a day might help – I might try that. Good luck to you (and me) x
September 23, 2013
Yes… I feel incredibly directionless post-Problogger. I know I need to ‘start’ somewhere, but not sure where. I’m hoping I can start by going over the presentations this week and actually processing stuff more this time around!
Deb