After last year’s Problogger Training Event I returned home in a funk – confused about who I was, as a writer and blogger, and as someone poised to pursue their passion. Of course the conference was in early October and I’d just taken a redundancy from my government position and was in the midst of selling my place and indulging in a seachange. In retrospect I was a tad numb and struggled to actually process anything I learned.
Fast forward one year and I’m just home from the 2013 Problogger training AND Saturday (21 September) is the first anniversary of my final day of work for the Queensland Government.
The timing is again strange and a lot’s happened in the past week which has challenged my thinking and my plans. I’ve found myself confounded by the question of which direction to take. I’m a planner by nature. I need to know where I’m going. I’ve drifted along a little this past year, but with vague plans to avoid crashing to earth in a big heap.
This year’s blogging event threw up some interesting questions which I’m yet to process and I was struck by the extremes on offer: blog monetisation and commercialisation of our blogs; or writing to meet the needs of readers; or – of course – a combination.
I’ve realised I don’t write with my readers in mind and that’s perhaps why my stats aren’t great. I write for me. I know I receive comments from those who can relate to my blitherings but it’s mostly about what I ‘want’ to say.
Another speaker at the conference talked about ‘big changes’ and knowing when they were afoot. I’m getting a sense that this is the case for me.
Do I want to keep blogging?
What else COULD I write?
What am I going to do about my weight? My health? My fitness?
What is it I want from life?
Who do I want to be and how do I want to be remembered?
I couldn’t have asked myself these questions over a year ago. Back then it would have felt indulgent. I felt obliged to work, earn money and pay my mortgage. My greatest regrets were not having a partner and family and having to live life alone. I didn’t stop to think about my options. I didn’t feel I had that luxury.
I like to think I’ve been doing what Jennifer Polle calls ‘Intuitive Living’ over this past year. I’ve been ‘going with my gut’ and making decisions based on what felt right. I want to continue in that vein but am struggling to even consider options and paths before me. I feel somewhat overwhelmed.
So… here I am. Post-conference, and I’m struggling to process ANYTHING. There are a couple of things I need to do that I’ve been deferring for AGES which would probably help, but…. I. Just. Can’t. Go. There.
Nevertheless the things not-yet-done play on my mind. So, I’m trying to work out HOW to move forward.
I’ll let you know if I work it out.
Can you relate? Do you ever feel stuck, but know you need to move?Any hints?