So… this is a post I didn’t want to write. But – as usual – I feel I’m lying by omission if I don’t share stuff like this. So here it is…
I haven’t tracked my Weight Watchers points for three or four weeks.
I started Weight Watchers online 5.5 months ago. My first and only pitch as a blogger was to WW – admitting to my desperation and wanting to make changes.
It’s been a slow slog. On a positive note, I’ve not felt deprived and (until a month ago) didn’t feel at all tempted to ‘binge’. (As a binge-eater – and former anorexic and bulimic – this is a huge achievement!)
I’ve tried to focus less on the scale and more on how I’ve felt. That’s made the slow weight loss tolerable. I’ve already mentioned how much better I feel and – though my stomach is still ridiculously problematic – I don’t feel as porky and bloated.
I’ve been stuck on 12.5kg (27.5lb) down for over a month and just yo-yoing about.
As usual I’ve become disillusioned. My six month free online membership is almost over… so for several reasons I emailed the PR company I was dealing with to say – despite their offer to extend my membership for another six months – I didn’t feel as if I was doing them (or the brand) any favours and thought we should part ways.
My vague plan was to continue eating-healthily myself. Not dieting; but using what I’d learnt to just make smarter choices. No weighing or rules.
However… although the occasional ‘treat’ was creeping into my life, this week has been particularly unhealthy. I know my ‘definition’ of over-eating and bingeing is very much shaped by my past. I told a friend recently I felt like bingeing but went shopping and just bought a 200g bag of corn chips to eat. She was horrified. I felt like I’d won the lottery and was proud of my choice.
I’ve eaten KILOGRAMS of chocolate in recent days. I’ve made and eaten rocky road (with peanut butter and marshmallows) until I’ve felt unbelievably unwell. Yesterday alone I ate about one kilogram of chocolate. And I felt like crap. Overly-full, unhealthy and revolting.
Source: jannis-yo0.blogspot.com.au
When I emailed Weight Watchers’ PR company and told my mum and friends I was stopping WW, I said that I didn’t want to waste my efforts. 12.5kgs lost is still 12.5kg lost.
But after the past few days I’m struggling not to move straight to that knee-jerk reaction of going on some ridiculous shake or liquid diet to make up for the ‘evilness’ of my recent behaviour. But… of course I do know better.
I just wrote about ‘NOT giving up‘. If I’m ‘not dieting’ anyway, is there anything to give up on? Or am I giving up on a healthier, happier me? (Faaarck!)
So there you have it. No happy ending; no lessons learned. But at the same time I’m reminding myself that I haven’t failed. All is not lost. I’m still fallible it seems. And a work in progress.
Do you make choices or do things you know aren’t healthy (mentally, physically or emotionally)?
Disclaimer – I received a six-month online membership to Weight Watchers, but my thoughts, opinions (and failures) are all my own. 😉
I’m flogging my blog With Some Grace today.
June 20, 2014
I really think you’re being too hard on yourself, Debs. EVERYONE has lapses and over-indulgences, especially when they’ve been as good and restrained as you have on this eating program.
My advice (sorry – teacher speaking) is to give yourself permission to ‘slip up’. I do it all the time 😉 Then go on with your good/virtuous intentions.
Anyway, it’s winter now and everyone know we have more cravings, the cooler the weather is! 🙂
June 20, 2014
Yes, guess I just need to rein in my behaviour before it goes on too long… which it probably already has.
June 20, 2014
As a long-time ‘diet slipper’ I can relate somewhat to what you’re saying. I have started so many diets in the past 10 years only to find sticking to them for more than half a day was downright impossible. I really applaud your tenacity for sticking to WW for six whole months.
Diets to lose weight or even to put on weight are really hard to stick to, I’ve heard it’s best to consider it a new way of eating rather than a diet.
June 20, 2014
Yes… it’s a difficult mindset to change though. Even when I’ve ‘not-dieted’ I kinda feel like I’m dieting. Having no middle ground is difficult with just the dieting vs bingeing extremes. But… credit where it’s due (ie. to me! 😉 ). I’m a lot better than I used to be!
June 20, 2014
I agree with what Lee-Anne said Deb but honestly maybe instead of making your goal to ‘lose weight’ perhaps you could set a longed for, lusted after goal that might be achieved if you lost weight. Does that make sense? I just think losing weight becomes such an all consuming thing and is such a long process that it IS so easy to fall off the wagon. But if you’re losing weight for another more specific purpose, you have that to aim for. Probably still doesn’t make sense. Don’t beat yourself up though. We’ve all been there in some way or another 🙂
June 21, 2014
Thanks for that. And yes, I know focusing on things ‘other’ than the weight is the way to go – feeling better etc.
Deb
June 20, 2014
I think you are being waaaay too hard on yourself. Remember it is Winter (even if you live in QLD!!) and I find the cooler months can make me want to consume more calories and make bad food choices, BUT, you know what you need to do and you’re aware of how you’re going and that’s a great step. Some people live in denial and completely give up altogether. Give yourself a break and then get back into the right mindset to try again. 🙂
June 21, 2014
Thanks Rebecca. It is worse in winter – cos I crave comfort food… like steak with mashed potato and gravy!
Yummm….
June 20, 2014
Darling, my heart is breaking for you on reading this. You’ve been doing an amazing job. You are achieving. Wipe the slate clean & start again.
Hugs, Ruth & Pickle xoxo
June 21, 2014
Thanks. x
June 21, 2014
That ‘all or nothing’ mindset is such a problem. I’ve had to deal with it in my life. If I wasn’t able to be perfect (who can – only human) I’d just throw in the towel. Allowing myself the treats that I craved was the only way I could lose weight. I agree with everyone. When you fall down, you just have to forgive yourself and keep going.
June 21, 2014
Thanks Char.
June 21, 2014
Deb, I really think you’ve done a wonderful job! It’s harsh on yourself to think you’ve failed, without looking at your success. Seriously, I know how it feels when you’ve slipped up, and then want to just write off the whole day/week/month!
Do it in your own time and for yourself. But maybe if you set yourself some realistic goals too, it can give you some incentive. Also sharing with the online community may be a bit uncomfortable, but can not only hold you accountable to yourself, but also receive encouragement.
PS, I’ve emailed you 🙂
June 21, 2014
Oh haven’t seen an email – will check my junk folder which seems to accumulate all sorts of stuff!
June 22, 2014
I think yu have made an awesome effort! 6 months on any diet is incredible and 12. 5kgs is quite a lot! It is hard to celebrate the successes when you are feeling down for having a slip up. My in laws are here and all I want to do is eat chocolate. You haven’t failed anything we are all worksin progress. I wish I had soome greater words of inspiration, your achievememts are greater than you realise! X
June 23, 2014
thanks for the encouragement Jess. On one hand I don’t want to ruin the efforts of the past 6 months but on the other ALL I’ve wanted to do in recent weeks is eat hot chips and chocolate (though not together).
June 26, 2014
12.5kgs is fantastic. Wow! I lost 10kgs through WW, but can’t better that unless I have so many other things in place in my life, so I don’t slip. I think I understand a bit of what you’re going through. As soon as I’m tired or feel stressed, I relapse, especially in the evenings. It isn’t something to do alone. Perhaps we need dieting/health retreats to give the process a more rounded approach. And it’s worse if there’s something nice in the house!
June 26, 2014
I’ve been particularly ‘bad’ (yes I know… wrong word – unhealthy) over the past couple of weeks but can’t seem to help myself. I’ll eat 500g chocolate and chips in a sitting, feel sick and vow not to do it again, but do it the next day. Rinse. Repeat!
June 30, 2014
I still think 12.5 is incredible. I’m not going to patronise you, but I will say well done- & the best part of this exercise has been all the cooking you’ve been experimenting with. That will make for a healthier you- even if you aren’t actively counting points.
June 30, 2014
Thanks Jo. I just need to work out some way forward. Same old story….