I’ve got my third appointment with my personal trainer after work today. And I’m dreading it. I’m not actually dreading the PT session itself, rather I’m dreading the fact he’s expecting me to get weighed.
In Diet Schmiet I often talked about my irrational fear of the scale. I wrote about weight loss, health and fitness being a numbers game. I said that I viewed that horrid machine which lived in the bathroom as the scales of judgement. And I confessed that – although it’s an inanimate object – the bloody scale was capable of ruining my day, if not my week, month or year!
In all honesty, my ideal would be to never weigh myself again, particularly as I attempt to adopt a more zen-like approach to life and well… me – which is something I’ve talked about a bit recently. When I started exercising (after such a long break and having gained so much weight) my plan was to not-diet. I’d hoped that feeling fitter and healthier would eventually translate into me making better choices when it came to what I put in my mouth.
However – unsurprisingly – my PT is keen to track my progress and (as well as my measurements, strength etc) he wants to use my weight to do that. He thinks I’m dutifully monitoring my food and writing down every skerrick which passes my lips. And I’m not. And – although it’s early days – I’m still making some less-than-healthy choices. Hot chips anyone?
For the last two days I’ve been thinking I could cancel my appointment and make some excuse. Solely because of that bloody scale and those bloody numbers. And even if I ask him not to tell me how I do, I’ll see it on his face. He’s expecting big things from me*. And I know I’m gonna let him down.
And that’s the crux of it. I’m actually happy with my progress. I no longer feel like throwing up in the twice-weekly group circuit classes (and I know I need to start to push myself a tad more now I’m feeling more comfortable) and I’m happy to have my trainer push the hell out of me doing drop-sets and the like in my weekly PT session.
I feel better. This is only my third week of my new (3 classes/week regime) but I can kinda feel my abdominal muscles again. And I feel more agile. And – mostly importantly – I feel proud of myself each time I walk into a session (not to mention relieved as I stumble out!).
These are all fabulous NSVs. And quite frankly I’m happy with my non scale victories. They’re actually enough for me. For now.
So… my only challenge is – how do I tell my PT that I don’t want to get weighed without sounding like I’m simply being slack or without breaking his heart?
*ie. He’s thinking I’m going to lose 50kg by the end of the year.